How to get the $h!t scared out of you before even leaving the bed

The last few weeks have been pretty awesome in my bed. And not in a sexy time sort of way (come on people...I'm a LADY, I don't screw and tell). The past few weeks Joe and I have been successful in keeping Mallory in HER bed. After at least a year in our bed. She wakes up here and there and for the most part we have been very firm that she will stay in HER bed. Although the dog has taken her place....and the dogs bites if you touch her while she is sleeping...but that is another story

So this morning I hear the pitter patter of feet at about 6AM. Joe is in the shower, I'm just waking up. Her majesty climbs up in bed with me which is okay since it is time to get up. We have a snuggle and then she hops down to go get something out of her room. I can still hear Joe in the shower, I roll over to kind of chill for a few more minutes....stretch out.....and touch a hand

I seriously shrieked....almost flew to the ceiling, and was pretty close to needing to change the sheets

Seems as though Pierce had a nightmare in the middle of the night and showed up around 3AM. I think he was even awake just laying there and apparently picked this morning not to talk his face off the second he woke up. He of course thought it was funny....as did Joe who had just came back from the shower. My underwear and I....did not think it was as funny

The Tooth Fairy Can Kill You

Pierce has his first loose tooth. To say he is excited would be an understatement. He is insane excited. We discovered it a few days ago and I have probably wiggles it 100 times for him since.

A few things he has said to me since Sunday night.....

"I wonder what the tooth fairy will bring me in a few days" ummm it's been a long time since I have lost a tooth but if I recall it takes longer than a few days
"I'm going to brush my teeth extra good so it will hurry and fall out"
"I hope the tooth fairy brings me $1000 dollars"
"Will it fall out tomorrow?"
"Mommy's and Daddy's can only see the tooth fairy, not the kids" WHOA!! Even if I COULD see the tooth fairy I sure as hell would not look....I saw that movie Darkness Falls!! She KILLS you if you see her

I then started to think about all the random crap that most of us feed our kids....A fat man that slides down the chimney that we DON'T have and leaves all those presents (you spoiled ass kids), a RABBIT somehow makes it past the dogs to bring you those baskets...and he thinks he is crafty because he hides them?? The WINE fairy brings mommy all those bottles while she sleeps?? Oh, that is just at my house?

I know I believed all of this stuff too and looking back on it I have to laugh. Kids are so trusting of their parents that they will pretty much believe anything we tell them! I'm wondering how I can work this to my advantage. The looser this tooth gets I just may just start up with a new story about the tooth fairy. How she brings really good stuff to boys and girls who help mommy mop floors and run the vacuum. hmmmmm

How I spent $100 before 9AM

Today was one of those mornings that needs a lot of Zanax coffee to stomach. It started out not so bad....Actually left the house on time which is always a bonus and headed out to drop Pierce off at school

My gas light came on about 5 minutes later...yes I AM that person who waits till the last minute to get gas. Joe loves it. Get to Giant Eagle (local grocery store) get SUPER excited to have $1.80 off per gallon and filled up for $15.

Get in the car. Start it up. Oh wait...no I did NOT start it up because it would not turn over. Awesome. This happened a few weeks ago when Joe was driving it and it had to be jumped to start it. So I call my knight in shining armour to ruin his day.

He had just pulled on base (about 35 minutes away) and was thrilled to have to leave, turn around at rush hour time and come to my rescue. Meanwhile....Pierce is THRILLED. He thinks it is SUPER cool to be stuck in the car instead of going to school. He had his crack pipe DS with him and was all set. We went inside the grocery store where it was warm and I proceeded to make Pierce's day even MORE awesome by informing him he was having a donut and some grape juice in the store for breakfast.

Joe gets to me....drives us back over to my car and makes everything all better by jumping my car. Oh wait....that is not what happened because it STILL would not start. He finally got it to a point where we could drive it up the street to the battery place and at the tune of $100 I am all set.

While the battery is being replaced Pierce is STILL talking about how awesome it is to be late for school, and then tells me maybe he could make a jet pack and just shoot himself there. He talked so flipping much that I finally called my mom so he could chew HER ear off for awhile while I waited on my coffee to kick in.

now I have a headache.

The Kids Said WHAT?? Edition: 8

I can't believe it is Thursday already....well, I suppose I can since I slept the first half of the week away. I hope you remembered your kiddo's cute sayings for the week. Once again I only have one good one but it is a doozy.

Last Thursday night Joe and I took the kids to what is called "Literacy Night" at Pierce's school. Curious George was there, they had some crafty type stuff, ect. So we are back in Pierce's class and he is sitting at one of the tables with a little girl who I know he has a bit of a crush on and he is talking to her mommy while coloring.

Pierce (to Melia's mommy) "Melia wants to marry me"
"Oh she does huh?"
"Yeah, she likes to chase me around outside at recess. Jessica and Logan want to marry me too"
"Wow, you must be very popular with the girls"
"Yes, I am. It is because I am so handsome"

I thought every parent within earshot was going to die laughing. My kid seriously does not have issues in the self esteem department.

Link up!!

Why I am Mother of the Year

I generally don't brag about all the cool things that make me the best mom ever. Things like the fact that I have dropped a dirty word in front of my kids on occasion, or that I have left my house only to be told by a kid that I forgot to buckle them in. I don't tell you all how my kids sometimes eat McDonalds and when they wake up at 6AM on the weekends I will bribe them with a movie in my bed so I can score another hour or so of sleep. I don't want you all to know my awesome parenting secrets and try and overtake me as mother of the year. It is hard work being that awesome of a mother.

This weekend however, I went above and beyond the call of mommy duty. This weekend I purposely took a sick child into public location that caters to children. Let the judging begin.

I generally do not advertise to Pierce and Mallory when we have something cool going on. When I do, something usually happens that prevents us from doing said cool activity and then I pay for it for the rest of the day. I apparently lost my mind for a minute on Friday when I told Pierce and Mallory that we would be going to COSI on Saturday. COSI is a super cool kid-ish museum that adults actually do not hate because the stuff there is also cool enough for us to enjoy. We go to COSI quite a bit but this was a special visit because Wyatt from the show Super Why was going to be there! Pierce and Mallory LOVE Super Why and I also kind of like them because they teach reading skills and they don't make me want to pour bleach in my eyes like THIS show, THIS show and THIS show.

Friday Pierce had mentioned to me off hand that his throat was sore. He did not have a fever and was acting fine so I did not think much of it. Sat am rolls around, the kids are way excited to be seeing Super Why and Pierce tells me again that his throat hurts. Better safe then sorry right? Off to the Dr we go and as we are waiting on his throat culture to come back Pierce is telling the Dr all about our planned visit to COSI. When she comes back with our diagnosis of strep and tells Pierce he needs to stay home today his little face just fell and broke my mommy heart into pieces.

WWMOTYD (What Would Mother Of The Year Do?) She waits until we get to the car and tells Pierce we are going anyways but that he can't touch anything and we would only be staying for a little bit. I doused him in anti bacterial gel and took my kids to see Super Why.

You may now proceed to poke me with your pointy mommy spears

Dirty Jobs

Sometimes while flipping through channels Joe will stop of Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe. If you don't know what this show is this guy goes out and finds the nastiest jobs that are out there and then jumps in and does said job. Some I remember from the past are maggot farmer and roadkill cleaner. My favorite USED to be the episode where he made wine until this little gem came on last night. As you can imagine I approve of any job that involves processing dead geese.

So, Kindergarten.......we love it! He is having so much fun and making some new little friends. He has mentioned a little girl named Melia a few times....I think he may have a little crush on her. I met her today and expected her to be blond hair blue eyed like his other 2 past "loves" but she is a brunette. There is a ladder with different color rungs on it and all the kids start on green and can move up to blue or purple (YEAH!!) or down to red, yellow and I think black (boooo) 2 kids already had notes sent home on the 2nd day of school. Pierce made it to blue yesterday and said he was going to go to purple (the top). We shall see.

Kindergarten

Well, we made it. By "we" I mean Joe and I. Pierce of course was fine. This morning was fairly uneventful. Pierce was not at all nervous or scared about starting a new school. He pretty much was just all ready to go. We packed his little back back with his school supplies, dressed him in his super cute uniform and out the door we went.

The school that he is going to is a charter school which means it is a public school but you have to apply to get in. He will be in kindergarten full days which is awesome. The school also has 20 extra days in the school year which I don't LOVE but if that is the only thing I have to complain about I'm good. It is a brand new building....you can practically still smell the paint

A funny observation.....we were in the gym where they serve breakfast and right next to the window where the kids can pick up food there was a sign that read..."Gabrielle is allergic to peanuts, Alexandra is allergic to milk and cats" Ummmmm. Cats?

His little room was all ready for kids to wreak havoc on. Mrs M asked Pierce to try and find his name at his little table which he did. He knows that he will make all sorts of new friends today. He has also already given me a few gems for this week's "The Kids Said WHAT?"

All ready to go! And yes that is an Ohio State football helmet mailbox


At his table!

I cannot possibly be the mother of a kindergartner

Whew. Thank God I'm not. At least not for 5 more days...yeah, he starts early. I cannot possibly be a mother to a kindergartner because I just had him a few months ago didn't I? I know I did not just buy school supplies and attend kindergarten orientation because he just started walking last week.

I can already tell that this transition from day care to real school is going to make me cry. Joe and I took Pierce to see his school and meet his teacher last night. When I walked into his class and saw his little cubby with his name on it and all of the little class decorations with all of the kids names' I wanted to just go rock in the corner. How on earth does time go by so fast?? I can't be a mom of a kid in SCHOOL because I feel like a kid myself still sometimes. I swear I looked at the other moms and dads and felt like I looked so much younger than them and I know I'm not. How is it that he shows no fear in walking into that class and right up to the other kids and starts to play...I know that is good but he just seems so darn independent. Filling out all those PTO forms and information about him just seemed so surreal.

Pierce has been in day care since he was 8 weeks old. I have never been a stay at home mom so it is not like he is just going into a school scenario for the first time but this seems so different. He is so excited. Joe and I are excited about the raise it seems like we are getting in now only having one kid in full time day care.

I know I will have one meeeelion pics to post of his first day of school. Today though I am going to take a little trip down memory lane.....

Excuse me while I go stab myself

I ♥ Faces - At The Beach, and Why It Sucks To Be Mallory's First Boyfriend

Before I post my entry for I ♥ Faces I wanted to post what I am sure most of you already know....Sweet Baby Stellan is back in the hospital and not doing very well at all. Please send up a prayer for him and his Dr's so that they can find out how to make him well again. www.mycharmingkids.net.

This picture is from our trip to Holden Beach earlier this month. I love her smile and how she is just kind of off to the side. Head over to I ♥ Faces to see more entries!

So I imagine that face is bound to get some male attention down the road yes? Let me recap an incident that occurred on Friday at daycare. Pierce has been mentioning a new "friend" in his class by the name of Phoenix. Apparently the 2 of them are not getting along all that well. He has mentioned on more than one occasion that he does not like her and that she is mean. I pretty much just told him to not play with her if she is mean.

So I get there on Friday and it is later in the day so they had combined preschool and Pre K and they were out on the playground together. The first thing he does when I get outside is run up to me and tell me how Phoenix had just ran Mallory over with a tricycle. "Oh know she DI-ENT" was my first thought. Before I could even respond he took off running. I did not think much about it since Mallory was still playing and seemed to be fine. I was talking to one of the teachers when I heard someone yell his name. It appears that after he ran off from me, Pierce had gone over to the swings and proceeded to kick this little girl each time she swung up. She started smacking him back. Before it got to out of hand I yelled at him to come back over to me.

The teacher was trying to get him to apologize and he was not having any part of it (duh, he was not sorry) and he wound up starting to cry. I told him that he was NOT in trouble but that it was not okay to use his hands or feet on other kids ESPECIALLY not a girl. I praised him for wanting to stick up for and protect his little sister but told him it was not okay to hit. I personally was having a hard time not wanting to kick her myself actually.

I can only IMAGINE what this scene will look like when they are both in high school together and Mallory has her heart broken for the first time. God help the kid who does it

Funny thing is later that night they were back to wanting to kill each other. Apparently it is okay for HIM to beat on his sister so long as no one else is doing it

Dear So and So

Another Friday, another list of things that just need to be said. HAPPY FRIDAY!! Before I get into berating people places and things I need to note....THIS is my 198th post. How in the HECK did that happen? If you missed my 100th you can find it HERE. I don't so much think I will be shooting for 200 things about me OR 200 comments. Perhaps I will just let it slide on by. Maybe I will do a give a way, maybe I will just ask for presents. Anyone want to sponser a giveaway? Anyone? Bueller?

Dear eBay Seller,
Hi, I'm Cammie. You may note by my 100s of positive feed backs that I have been around the eBay block a few times. I love me some eBay. Last week when I bought 3 pairs of size 5 navy shorts off of you for my son's new school uniform I was super excited to be getting them for $6. I was NOT however super excited to see you charge me $10.95 to ship them. Really? $10.95 for 3 pairs of little boy shorts? Did you forget to take the lead pipes out of the pockets? Now I will take a tiny bit of blame for not paying attention to the shipping cost but never have I paid that much for shipping so I just did not think to pay attention. Imagine my further surprise when I found out that you were NOT shipping from Europe which could have been the ONLY reason for such a high cost. I also find it amusing that when I called you out on it you refunded my money without further discussion. Chicken.
My feedback is higher than yours,
Cammie

Dear Chipolte,
Oh how I love your Mexican goodness. You rice is always perfected with just enough lime and cilantro, your chips just enough salt...but better than that is your sour cream. No other Mexican restaurant can perfect your sour cream which has a constancy like no other. How DO you make your sour cream that it does not just plop in the middle of my chicken fajita bowl but oozes off of the spoon to spread nicely across the top. I'm honestly not sure I want to know but I thank you Chipotle and shall forever remain....
A Loyal Customer

Dear Nintendo,
I love my Wii. I love that I can download old school games such as Super Mario Brothers and Punch-Out onto my Wii console. In fact I love it so much I may end up sending you the bill when I get carpal tunnel. Please....for the love of all that is holy.....give me Super Pitfall!! That is WAY cooler than some of the random crap that I can find. I promise to still feed my children if you give me Super Pitfall.
Yours until my hands go numb,
Cammie

Dearest Mallory,
Mommy loves you so very much. I'm not a huge fan of sharing my bed with you for half of the night. Let's be honest....most of the time I'm not even fond of sharing it with your daddy. I realize that I am SO lucky that you were night potty trained within weeks of being day trained but did you REALLY have to choose my bed for your first accident? That was your gimme. Do it again and we may have to press the issue of you sleeping in YOUR bed. Trust me, I look forward to that battle less than you do.
Love,
Mommy

Dear Punk Ass Kid In Swim Class,
So I hear from your big brother who was sitting next to me that you got kicked out of pre-school. LE GASP!! Really??? With such behavior such as spitting water in kids faces I would never have guessed. You really are a cute kid but I'm going to need you to stay away from my kid. And yes he IS that gullible that when you told him your name was scarface last night he proceeded to call you that throughout the class.
Don't Make Me Drown You,
Pierce's Mommy

Dear Rambler,
I told you so.
Cammie Cullen

And Finally... To My Darling Husband,
I survived the week with you out of town. Barely. I hate when you leave and I sleep like crap just WAITING for someone to come and kill me. It did not help that the damn cat would "knock" on the door in the middle of the night. You get home tonight. My scrapbook stuff is packed and by the door. Don't call.
With All My Love,
Your Wife.

Mallory vs. The Toy

Yesterday I came home to quite a circus of drama. I could hear the screaming as soon as I got out of the car. There is nothing quite like coming home from work to total and complete chaos is there?

So picture it with me. I open the door and step in the house. Mallory is sitting on the chair screaming her face off. A toy hamster is stuck to the side of her head

This toy was bought at a Cracker Barrel on the way home from DC when we realized that we pretty much had nothing for her as a present. It is a stupid hamster that runs around in a ball, or you can take it out of the ball and let it go. The kids named it Rhino after the hamster in the movie Bolt.

Apparently Mallory decided to see what happened if she stuck it to the side of her head. Good thing she has pretty to fall back on right? By the time I entered the shit storm Joe had taken the hamster part off and all that was left stuck to her head was the battery pack that also contained the wheels. And she was freaking out. She begins to scream at me that she "got Rhino stuck on her head" and Pierce (always extremely helpful in these situations) was telling her things like "I wonder if it will stay there forever" and "we are gonna have to cut it out"

Well, big brother was right in this case. We did have to cut it out. You would have thought someone was coming to steal a kidney the way she acted. Joe had to hold her down while I got as close to her scalp as I could and did not poke her eye out.

Now one would think that after the evil toy was no longer attached to her head and mommy hugs and kisses were given that all would be well with the world yes? No. I have mentioned my daughter's temper tantrums before. Last night was no exception. She proceeded to go into the toy room, throw her self on the floor and freak out like she was on fire. Every now and then I would hear her throw a toy or kick something. I generally just let her go when she does this but she really needed to get settled and eat dinner. I asked her if she wants to call Maw Maw and tell her about what happened. She screamed at me NO. Helpy McHelperson chimes in with "I DO" Sigh

Thankfully you cannot tell where I had to cut the hair out. For your viewing pleasure.....

Final Score- Evil Hamster Toy:1 Mallory:0

Did You Know That The Ocean Is The Entrance To Hell?

That is the only reason I can come up with that Mallory hates it with such a passion. Today was a repeat of yesterday and the day before....Pierce my little water baby is wearing Joe out wanting to be in the water non stop and Princess Scowls A-Lot sits under the umbrella and looks at the water like it is the entrance to the pits of hell

Today she actually let me take her to the VERY edge of where the water was coming to a stop. I could have done a back flip and not dropped her as hard as she was clinging to me. After about 10 minutes I stopped torturing her and she ran back to the umbrella. We called my mom from the beach and she told her "I hate the ocean Maw Maw".

Meanwhile Pierce is the beach pimp. He already has a little girlfriend that is here for the week and they hold hands and jump the waves together. Pierce would keep Joe in the water all. day. long. if we did not make him stop for lunch. He was so tired that he actually slept until 8:15 today which only happens when I give them NyQuil the night before. Am I kidding? Am I?

"Cammie, where are all of your pics??" Oh, you want to know where pics are? Well Joe someone did not pack the USB cord with the camera bag which sucks as much as a goose attack...had myself all ready to upload pics every day and spend time editing them but that is not going to happen. So hear are some random ones from my phone.

Ready to go down to the beach.

Beach? No Thanks....baby pool on the deck? Rock On!!

We took them putt putting tonight....Mallory's first time.

"I hate the ocean and I hate you for bringing me here"

The coolest part of today? Realizing that everywhere you go you can find someone reading a Twilight book....like the middle aged lady on the beach nose into New Moon!

The best part of today? We found a restaurant with a raw bar and I sucked down a dozen raw oysters......YUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A plague upon my house

You know what sucks? Pierce getting strep. You know what else sucks? ME getting strep. You know what sucks the most? Pierce and I getting strep 2 days before we leave for vacation and just waiting for Mallory and Joe to be struck down

Yes the sickie ickies have descended upon The House Of No Sleep. No doubt caused by a goose somewhere. Pierce was sent home with a fever on Wed, diagnosis strep. I stayed home with him yesterday, started feeling a little nasty as the day went on so I took myself to the Dr. He handed me my amoxocillan and sent me on my way.

One thing about sick Cammie is that I do NOT screw around with sleep. I took the kids to school today and came home and slept until noon. I sound SUPER sexy and manly today...kind of like my name should be Marge and I should be driving a bus somewhere.

We leave tomorrow for vacation....we are beach bound and I am SO excited to play with the kids at the beach...praying that Mallory and Joe don't get sick in the next few days.

Please excuse my lack of comments these last few days....I was cuddling with my sick boy yesterday and today I'm just kind of laying on the couch feeling all BLAH. Since I have a sick obsession with my laptop I have a hard time being unconnected to the Internet I will be blogging away from the beach while we are gone!

Since I am fresh out of wittiness today I will leave you with a Pierce funny. Yesterday we were at the Dr reading a book in the waiting room and the story mentioned a housekeeper. Pierce asked me what a housekeeper was. I told him it was someone who cooked and cleaned and took care of the house and that mommy wishes SHE had one. His response....We do.....DADDY! God I love that kid.

A Conversation With Pierce

Pierce is one of those kids that will ask you the most RANDOM questions. One's that you don't so much have an answer for so you have to make something up fairly quickly so he does not realize that you do NOT know everything. He also tends to bust out with some interesting thoughts from time to time and those thoughts tend to take him interesting places. This morning was one of those occasions

This morning Mallory was sitting up on the counter and while I was putting her hair up she was holding a lemon and she smelled it. I asked her if she could smell it and Pierce busts out with the following:

"Mommy if you smell something that means it smells bad"

"No bud, if you smell something it can smell either good OR bad and if something smells bad sometimes we say it stinks"

"oh, well the lemon does not stink"

"nope, lemons smell good"

"well you know what DOES stink?"

"what?"

"Michigan"

I thought I was going to die laughing. See, here in Ohio we take our college football pretty seriously and as a graduate from The Ohio State University this makes his mommy proud.

Go Bucks!

>

A Pierce Funny

So funny that yesterday I posted about Mallory's dramatic temper tantrums. Well she delivered another one this morning.....one that had me close the windows in fear that the neighbors would call child services thinking she was being murdered. It lasted a good 20 minutes where I just kind of ignored her and eventually it was over.

So, my hands are full, Pierce, Mallory and I are heading downstairs to leave for the day when I realized that Mallory's shoes were (for some reason) next to my bed. I asked Pierce if he would please go find them for me since I had other stuff in my hands and off he went to grab them. As soon as he catches up to us (and I should have known better) her majesty says "NO, I want to find them!!!!!!!"

Pierce looks in total annoyance at his sister. Drops them right there on the floor in the hallway and said...."There.....find them."

And walked away.

Temper Tantrums 101

My daughter will be three soon. I am learning that one thing that is worse than a 2 year old little girl is a 3 year old little girl. I say GIRL because Pierce only minored in toddler attitude while Mallory is working on her masters.

Don't get me wrong....Pierce had his moments....still does....but I realizing that the drama that comes with raising a daughter is WAY different than raising a son.

Pierce was never one to throw actual temper tantrums. He would get mad and cry but he never really did the whole throw yourself on the ground and act like you are being set on fire. I got off pretty easy with him. Yeah, that was lucky for me....but at the same time it did not prepare me for what was to come.

Mallory is an ENTIRE different breed of child than her brother. She may be small but she is mighty. One of the blogs that I read (darnit, I know you are here but I cannot remember who it was) mentioned yesterday the art of going boneless (Kristina, this definition is for you)....you know....when a child is so pissed off that when you try and pick them up and move them they go entirely limp usually causing them to slip out of your hands and back onto the floor. This cracked me up because Mallory could write a book on how to do this. Another of my toddler favorites is when they are so pissed of about something that when you try and put them in their car seat and they don't want to leave the park/the zoo/grandma's house that they do the OPPOSITE of going boneless which is what I like to call the 2 by 4. As in imagine trying to make a 2 by 4 sit properly in a car seat to strap them in. This also kind of resembles someone who looks like they are in need of an exorcism.

Mallory's temper tantrums are usually worthy of a Grammy. Now, princess is not going to THROW herself on the floor.....she is not dumb....she does not want to get hurt. While most kids crumble to the floor like they have been shot MY kid will gracefully lay down and THEN proceed to freak out. For up to 30 minutes. I have found that they ONLY thing to do when she gets like this....is walk away. Sometimes I will put her in her room and close the door. She knows that once she is done throwing her fit, when she is ready, she can come out. Every few minutes I will ask her......"Sissy, are you done?" and she will shriek NO and continue on. I walk away. The part that gets me is that when she IS done it is like a fricking light switch. She turns it off in a millisecond and will say....."I'm done" It is mind boggling.

While she is learning how to throw tantrums I am learning how to avoid them. I know what her triggers are for the most part. One thing that can surly get her panties twisted is me having done something that SHE wants to do....such as put her socks on, or open the cabinet to get something out. I must IMMEDIATELY put whatever it is BACK the way it was and let HER do it. I can tell you that this is SO fricking annoying....especially in the morning when I want to get them out the door. It is however way easier to pull the socks BACK off and let her do it then deal with "the performance" Ahhhh, independence. She has been known to CLOSE the cabinet door....take a few steps back and then walk back up to it and open it herself.....thus acting like she had done it all along.

I know that this drama is a phase and that eventually we will move into a new one.

I fear the teenage years.

Not Me Monday

Good morning! I hope that all had a fabulous Easter weekend! We were fairly busy and since I forgot to pay attention to what I did NOT do all last week this is likely to be uneventful. Please remember to keep MckMama and Stellan in your prayers, she is still with him in the hospital.

Here are some Easter NOT ME's

Sat night I did NOT threaten Mallory by telling her if she did not go to sleep that the Easter bunny would not come. Mallory has a tendancy to call for me at LEAST 3 times each night after I put her to bed. I would never threaten my baby in that way when she really just wants more snuggle time. NOT ME.

With thoughts of Easter eggs in her head Mallory did NOT go right to sleep without making me come up there 3 times.

I did NOT then think what other way that I could use such a ploy to get her to go to bed.

After the kids were all snug in there beds Joe and I did NOT go through the candy from that day's hunt and put some of it in their baskets.

Easter morning we were NOT woken up by Pierce flying into our bedroom freaking out because the power had just gone out. Surely this would NOT happen on yet ANOTHER holiday. We did NOT have to pack up all of our stuff for the day and head to my mom's early to shower there.

I did NOT have 2 of the cutest kids EVER dressed up looking super innocent.

In her beautiful dress, tights and her hair all pretty Mallory did NOT spend most of the day jumping on a trampoline with the boys.

My kids did NOT go flipping mad crazy over the egg hunt and get 35 more eggs filled with candy. Each. Joe and I will NOT be hiding most of it to avoid cavities.

Happy Monday!!

PS....I am NOT ready to kill blogger because I cant get my paragraphs to format. STOOOOPID blogger.....

Thinking Before Coffee 101

Pierce threw quite a curve ball at me this morning. I generally always have a snappy comeback for anything he throws my way (shocker right) but not this morning. We were talking on the way to daycare about college. Pierce wants to grow up and be a weatherman. Very Cool. He knows that he has to go to college to be a weatherman. This morning he asks me: "Mommy, what did YOU go to college to be?"

here the crickets chirping?

First off, my kid does not know what psychology is, 2nd....how to explain to him that I got a degree that I don't so much use. (although that may actually be debatable).

Since he does not know what psychology is and since I can't tell him that I majored in my boyfriend with a minor in my sorority, I told him that mommy took a lot of classes about books (thank you English minor).

"So you learned to read in college?"

crickets.

I was able to explain to him that you learn a lot of different things in college and that you read a lot of books about many different things. That seemed to appease him but then it got me thinking. What exactly DID I learn in college?

Since about 4th grade I had always wanted to be a teacher. Kindergarten specifically. Around my sophomore year in college I decided to be a social worker. The following year I switched to psychology with no intent to get a masters or a PhD. I always kept English as a minor...I like to read and write.

What do I do now? 32 seconds after graduating from THE BEST COLLEGE IN THE WORLD (here in Ohio we get excited about our Alma mater) I started working for an insurance company as an underwriter. 11 years later I am still here. Don't get me wrong....I LOVE my job, I am truly blessed to HAVE a job, not to mention one I like, and to work with cool people (including my mother....nepotism at it's finest).

I'm not sure that I need a psychology degree to do what I do. Or any degree really....everything I learned about my job I learned in training when I started.

So all this got me thinking (BEFORE coffee, no good) what DID I learn for all of that money that I am STILL paying back?? I really think that college is more about experiences than anything else.

I learned-

-How to budget.....or not budget.
-How to schedule according to priority-i.e. no classes before 10AM or that interfered with Days of Our Lives.
-Responsibility-Your professors really don't care if you show up or not but your grade does....this one took me a few years to learn
-Resourcefulness-There was that place on High St that sold notes to almost every class on campus....in case you did not learn the above skill.
-How to be safe- carry mace for your walk home and avoid the "little person" who was always drunk on High Street. He will chase you if you make eye contact
-Relationships are not always forever- Just because you are in love does not mean that life wont take you in an entirely different direction years to come. Thank God
-The best relationships ARE forever- Sisters do not always have to share blood
-Direction-When you are stumbling home from a late night out, turn right at the HUGE sign that looks like a penis but is really a book store sign...that is your street.
-Patience- I spent one year living with 20 other women. Enough said.

The 4 years that I spent at THE BEST COLLEGE IN THE WORLD really taught me more about life than anything else. Some days I think I'm lucky to have made it out with a liver unscathed.

Looking back I don't think I would change a thing.

Paging Dr. Mommy.....

**Warning--the following post is sarcasm free**

As much as I like to grumble and complain about my lack of sleep, sharing a bed with a 23lb terror and ultimately getting up at dark o clock, every now and then my kids throw in a moment that reminds me how worth it it all is.

Last night was one of those nights.

Last night after we put the kids to bed I was all wrapped up in my Snuggie waiting on the MOST DEPRESSING HOUSE EPISODE EVER to start (okay, most depressing since cutthroat bitch died). I heard the sound of small feet that were not in bed and then Joe saying "ohh, buddy, what is wrong??"

Pierce has a few different cries. There is the "I am mad that I can't have my way" cry the "I know I am in trouble" cry, and then there is the "my heart is broken" cry. This is the one that gets me--that one comes with HUGE brown eyes that are full of tears, a mouth that is turned into the saddest frown....THIS cry breaks MY heart.

This is the cry that came downstairs last night with his stuffed EVE (from Wall-E) doll in one hand and one of her arms in the other. His EVE doll has had movable arms and somehow he managed to pull one off. Pierce has a habit of spinning his stuffed toys around by their arms/legs/ears and I keep telling him that one day this would happen (MAN mommies are smart)

I promised him that I would fix it. I told him that Dr Mommy would do surgery on EVE to re-attach her arm. I told him that it may take awhile but that I would bring her up and tuck her back in with him when I was finished.

I am not sew much a seamstress (did you like that humor?) I can do buttons, I can sew a hole, but I have never reattached an arm to a toy....an arm that has to somehow get the part that makes it move back INTO the hold and then sewn around it. Awesome.

I got out my little sewing kit surgical tools and sat down to make my baby's night all better. It did not take me long to realize that EVE's arm was not going to be able to move once I got it back on (hey, don't judge...I'm lucky I did not sew her to the couch) but I knew I would be able to at least get it back on so that no stuffing came out. I sewed the patients arm back in place and while it would not move I did a pretty darn good job on it thankyouverymuch.

Once the patient was out of recovery I took her upstairs to Pierce. I thought he would be asleep but once I opened the door he rolled over and sat up. Once he saw that EVE's arm was back in place he smiled at me. He was okay with the fact that her arm could not move. (Thank you God).

I was rewarded with the BEST hug, a beautiful smile, bright shiny brown eyes and a "thank you mommy"

Most of all I was rewarded with the fact that Mommy can *almost* always make everything better.

These moments are what makes Life in the House of No Sleep.....totally worth it.

Being Mommy is the best super power there is.

Come on in and I will pour you a cup of random.....

Just some random thoughts from my brain this morning......

I think THIS is my new motto in life.

I woke up this morning and while putting on my make-up noticed that I now am sporting crow's feet. What. In. The. Hell. Those were NOT there yesterday. No seriously....I have never EVER seen crows feet in the corner of my eyes. I kind of want to stab myself IN said eyes with a fork.

Speaking of birds. I saw a dead goose on the side of the road this morning and it made me happy.

Wow, one MORE thought about birds......the happiest bird IN THE WORLD lives outside my bedroom window. He starts his merry little song around 4AM every day. Rain or Shine.

I need a BB Gun

This morning I had the following conversation with my 5 year old son when he came out of his room.....

"Wow mommy, you already dried your hair?"
"Yeah bud, did you not hear my blow dryer? That normally wakes you up"
"I know, I had my ears turned off"
"Turned off? Do you have a button that does that?
"Yep, it is behind my ears"
"hmmmm, that explains a lot"

I had some challenges getting off of the highway this morning. My friend called me apparently 2 cars back to tell me I almost killed the person behind me. Oops. She also said I ran a red light. I disagree. It was yellow. Maybe pink.

Tomorrow I am living a DREAM 20 years in the making. More on this later.....if you already know what I am doing tomorrow as I know some of you do (Liz, Mellisa, Lauren, Kelly I'm talking about YOU) or if you suspect.....keep it quiet until tomorrow.

I wrote this entire post without spelling one thing wrong. WHOA....I am SMRT