The Tooth Fairy Can Kill You

Pierce has his first loose tooth. To say he is excited would be an understatement. He is insane excited. We discovered it a few days ago and I have probably wiggles it 100 times for him since.

A few things he has said to me since Sunday night.....

"I wonder what the tooth fairy will bring me in a few days" ummm it's been a long time since I have lost a tooth but if I recall it takes longer than a few days
"I'm going to brush my teeth extra good so it will hurry and fall out"
"I hope the tooth fairy brings me $1000 dollars"
"Will it fall out tomorrow?"
"Mommy's and Daddy's can only see the tooth fairy, not the kids" WHOA!! Even if I COULD see the tooth fairy I sure as hell would not look....I saw that movie Darkness Falls!! She KILLS you if you see her

I then started to think about all the random crap that most of us feed our kids....A fat man that slides down the chimney that we DON'T have and leaves all those presents (you spoiled ass kids), a RABBIT somehow makes it past the dogs to bring you those baskets...and he thinks he is crafty because he hides them?? The WINE fairy brings mommy all those bottles while she sleeps?? Oh, that is just at my house?

I know I believed all of this stuff too and looking back on it I have to laugh. Kids are so trusting of their parents that they will pretty much believe anything we tell them! I'm wondering how I can work this to my advantage. The looser this tooth gets I just may just start up with a new story about the tooth fairy. How she brings really good stuff to boys and girls who help mommy mop floors and run the vacuum. hmmmmm

Q&A part deux

I'm making my way back to the land of the living. Which means I'm coughing my face off at work today versus sleeping in a Lortab induces haze of goodness. The past few days I have not ventured out of bed until at least noon and it has been fantastic despite feeling like total crap. You know, cuz I heart sleep.

I did not forget about the Q/A post I did last week I think it was and today is brought to you by the fabulous http://www.blogger.com/Shannon who wants to know:

I'd like to know...if you could take back or change one thing in your life/past what would it be?
Also, if you could re-live one great moment, what would it be?

This was a tough one for me because I'm a big believer that everything happens for a reason. That said I would probably CHANGE 1999. Yep, the entire year. 1999 for me started out ending a long term relationship that I had thought would have lead to marriage. He was the love of my college life and after college our lives just took separate directions. Now I would not take back the break up because it eventually lead me to Joe but I kissed a lot of frogs in 1999 to get to eventually get to that prince. 1999 was labeled as "The year I forgot I was no longer in college" Yeah, I had some fun partying with sorority sisters who were still in school but trying to go to work in the big kid world with a college kid hangover was NO fun. There were fun "mistakes" like that random trip to Windsor that had me sleeping in a car in a parking garage with a boyfriend and his alcoholic friends because we did not book a hotel room....ahhh the good old days. WAIT, I mean MAN was I immature.

Anyways, 1999 was a year of bad choices that even though I came out of them okay I could have done without a few of them.

If I could relive any one great moment......I would probably have to go with the first few months of Pierce's life. I was "lucky" enough to be blessed with PPD after Pierce was born and it took me a good month or so to really fall in love with my baby. Isn't that awful? Instead of marveling in the beauty of my new baby I spent a lot of time crying and wanting him to be held by anyone but me. I know that he wont ever know this (unless I choose to tell him) but I really wish I had been one to just be magically overwhelmed with everything related to my newborn. That said....he is pretty darn cool now.

I cannot possibly be the mother of a kindergartner

Whew. Thank God I'm not. At least not for 5 more days...yeah, he starts early. I cannot possibly be a mother to a kindergartner because I just had him a few months ago didn't I? I know I did not just buy school supplies and attend kindergarten orientation because he just started walking last week.

I can already tell that this transition from day care to real school is going to make me cry. Joe and I took Pierce to see his school and meet his teacher last night. When I walked into his class and saw his little cubby with his name on it and all of the little class decorations with all of the kids names' I wanted to just go rock in the corner. How on earth does time go by so fast?? I can't be a mom of a kid in SCHOOL because I feel like a kid myself still sometimes. I swear I looked at the other moms and dads and felt like I looked so much younger than them and I know I'm not. How is it that he shows no fear in walking into that class and right up to the other kids and starts to play...I know that is good but he just seems so darn independent. Filling out all those PTO forms and information about him just seemed so surreal.

Pierce has been in day care since he was 8 weeks old. I have never been a stay at home mom so it is not like he is just going into a school scenario for the first time but this seems so different. He is so excited. Joe and I are excited about the raise it seems like we are getting in now only having one kid in full time day care.

I know I will have one meeeelion pics to post of his first day of school. Today though I am going to take a little trip down memory lane.....

Excuse me while I go stab myself

3 years ago today.........

A Pierce Funny

So funny that yesterday I posted about Mallory's dramatic temper tantrums. Well she delivered another one this morning.....one that had me close the windows in fear that the neighbors would call child services thinking she was being murdered. It lasted a good 20 minutes where I just kind of ignored her and eventually it was over.

So, my hands are full, Pierce, Mallory and I are heading downstairs to leave for the day when I realized that Mallory's shoes were (for some reason) next to my bed. I asked Pierce if he would please go find them for me since I had other stuff in my hands and off he went to grab them. As soon as he catches up to us (and I should have known better) her majesty says "NO, I want to find them!!!!!!!"

Pierce looks in total annoyance at his sister. Drops them right there on the floor in the hallway and said...."There.....find them."

And walked away.

Paging Dr. Mommy.....

**Warning--the following post is sarcasm free**

As much as I like to grumble and complain about my lack of sleep, sharing a bed with a 23lb terror and ultimately getting up at dark o clock, every now and then my kids throw in a moment that reminds me how worth it it all is.

Last night was one of those nights.

Last night after we put the kids to bed I was all wrapped up in my Snuggie waiting on the MOST DEPRESSING HOUSE EPISODE EVER to start (okay, most depressing since cutthroat bitch died). I heard the sound of small feet that were not in bed and then Joe saying "ohh, buddy, what is wrong??"

Pierce has a few different cries. There is the "I am mad that I can't have my way" cry the "I know I am in trouble" cry, and then there is the "my heart is broken" cry. This is the one that gets me--that one comes with HUGE brown eyes that are full of tears, a mouth that is turned into the saddest frown....THIS cry breaks MY heart.

This is the cry that came downstairs last night with his stuffed EVE (from Wall-E) doll in one hand and one of her arms in the other. His EVE doll has had movable arms and somehow he managed to pull one off. Pierce has a habit of spinning his stuffed toys around by their arms/legs/ears and I keep telling him that one day this would happen (MAN mommies are smart)

I promised him that I would fix it. I told him that Dr Mommy would do surgery on EVE to re-attach her arm. I told him that it may take awhile but that I would bring her up and tuck her back in with him when I was finished.

I am not sew much a seamstress (did you like that humor?) I can do buttons, I can sew a hole, but I have never reattached an arm to a toy....an arm that has to somehow get the part that makes it move back INTO the hold and then sewn around it. Awesome.

I got out my little sewing kit surgical tools and sat down to make my baby's night all better. It did not take me long to realize that EVE's arm was not going to be able to move once I got it back on (hey, don't judge...I'm lucky I did not sew her to the couch) but I knew I would be able to at least get it back on so that no stuffing came out. I sewed the patients arm back in place and while it would not move I did a pretty darn good job on it thankyouverymuch.

Once the patient was out of recovery I took her upstairs to Pierce. I thought he would be asleep but once I opened the door he rolled over and sat up. Once he saw that EVE's arm was back in place he smiled at me. He was okay with the fact that her arm could not move. (Thank you God).

I was rewarded with the BEST hug, a beautiful smile, bright shiny brown eyes and a "thank you mommy"

Most of all I was rewarded with the fact that Mommy can *almost* always make everything better.

These moments are what makes Life in the House of No Sleep.....totally worth it.

Being Mommy is the best super power there is.

My Parenting Skillllzzzzz

I know that it may be a hard concept to stomach but I truly am deserving of an award for Mother of the Year. At the very least a nomination.

Just a few of the tools that I use in raising my children…..

Negotiation -Children cannot truly develop without learning the art of negotiation. It is important in their adult life so they may as well learn it at an early age. Who’s to say that M&Ms for crapping the potty cannot someday translate to $$ for the crap you will produce in your career?

Learning to respect authority: For instance the following conversation with Pierce
"Why do you always get to tell me what to do"
"Because I'm the boss"
"Who do I get to be the boss of?"
"sorry bud, you don't get to be the boss of anyone"
"Can I be the boss of Mallory?"
"No" "Can I be the boss of the dogs?"
"No bud, Scarlet bites remember....she is the boss"
"Well, I cannot wait until I grow up so I can be the boss of myself"

The Art of persuasion—Mallory is WAY better at this then her brother—one day as we were on the couch with her up my ass snuggling….
"I want my milk"

"It's right there, go get it"

"I want Pierce to get it" (I wan Piewce did it)

"Pierce is not going to go get it Mallory, it is RIGHT there, get it yourself"

"I want Pierce to get it"

"No"

And then…..Pierce all exasperated gets up, sighs very loudly walks over to get the milk, shoves it in her direction and says "HERE Mallory" and sits back down. To which Mallory says..."thank you Pierce" (tank you Piewce")

Family togetherness.-There is more bed hopping in my house then in a brothel. Most nights Mallory is in bed with us by midnight because quite frankly….I'm a bitch if I don’t get enough sleep and I don’t have the energy to fight with her in the middle of the night. However, because I am getting to the point where I am over this…..her new big girl bed MIGHT have to come with straps

These are just a few things that I practice daily with my children. After all, they ARE the future of our world.

PS----if you need a kozy pal cart cover.....and trust me you DO then click HERE. She is having a 50% off sale just today!!!! Im getting ready to order one for a gift today with my gift certificate I won last month! Makes a great gift!! I never went anywhere with mine without getting asked about it.

Sucks to be HER daddy.....

Oh my. I fear that Joe we are going to have our hands full with this hot mess. Let me preface this story by saying that I did not grow up living with my father. My parents divorced when I was about 2 and I never had to deal with the drama of a dad sitting your boyfriend down and having the "be good to my daughter or I will kill you" chat. In fact my dad did not even live in the same state so I could have been dating Charles Manson and not only would he have not known but there was not much he could do about it.

Fast forward 20 years and I have given birth to myself. Joe just told me a few days ago that our daughter is just like me. No patience, demanding and mouthy. In other words, she is perfect.

Imagine his horror when Mallory decided that her new favorite thing to do this week is take her pants off and shake her butt. Not only does she enjoy doing this but she enjoys TELLING you she is doing this. She also prefers to do it to her daddy.....as in "hey daddy, watch, I'm shaking my my butt"

I wish I could get this on video but I am not interested in getting arrested so you will just have to use your imagination here. Imagine 23 pounds of little girl bending her knees and looking like she is doing the chicken dance.

Joe tries so hard not to laugh but you really can't help it it is just THAT funny. Last night may have been the best rendition of dance party USA yet. On our way up to bed (she already has no pants on because we have to put a pull up on her for bedtime and they are in her room) our little Pussy Cat Doll stopped, put her hands on the wall shook her butt in the direction of her daddy and said "Look daddy.....I'm shakin my butt" That's right baby girl. Drop it like it's hot.

I try to make fun of him be helpful in situations that stress my husband out so I just said "aww, look honey.....just like her mommy was doing at that bar in Philly over the weekend.....only I had my pants on"

I fear for her future boyfriends.

Intervention Needed. STAT

My children need a visit with this man pronto.

Do you know who he is? This is Ken from the show "Intervention" on A&E. I loooove this show. Love watching the train wreck that ensues on each one. Don't get me wrong...I love what they do and I love when the person on the show actually recovers.....but I also love watching it. Ken is one of the guys who talks the addict into getting the help that they need.

I digress......MY kids need an intervention from the following.

Never in my life as a mommy (I'm five years into it so clearly I am an expert) did I ever think that I would have to encourage my children to step away from "the bowl" this early in their lives. Sadly though, Pierce and Mallory have a addiction to Glad Ware. They can't even be on the good stuff because we are too cheap for Tupperware. We are also WAY early into this problem because admitting that you HAVE a problem is the first step to recovery and we are no where near that.

I find their paraphernalia everywhere. In the toy room, under the coffee table in the living room, once even in the bathroom. They make no effort to hide their addiction from me. They even have become a bad influence on the Yorkie because they leave their residue in their bowl and he comes along and cashes it.

You would probably call me an enabler because most of the time I am the one who passes them the bowl. Lately they are getting brave enough to get their own bowl though.

Everything, and I mean everything must go into the bowl for consumption. It starts first thing in the morning with their poptart. It must go into a bowl, it must NOT be consumed from the package. EVER. Upon returning from school we pick up right where we left off. Their next fix....generally a cracker or fruit snack of some sort....must go into a bowl. They tend to have the munchies when we get home from daycare even though I am CERTAIN they have bowls there as well. Fruit snacks cannot be consumed from the bag and there MUST be a bowl for an apple. A whole apple mind you. Before bed we hit the bowl again. Cereal this time.....and yes, cereal DOES need to go into some sort of bowl so I generally do not make a fuss about this one. Enabler indeed.

All in all we probably go through 3 or 4 bowls each day per kid. Let me assure you, we pack these bowls good...even try to re-use them. I am not one to waste a bowl.

So please, sign us up for an intervention as soon as possible. At the rate we go through bowls in my house I fear that we may never recover. I don't know.....maybe I am just paranoid.....

A Letter To My Children....#2

Dear Pierce and Mallory,

It is time for mommy to have another talk with you. A few months ago we had a talk about your morning habits. This time I would like to chat about dinner time. You know....the time of day where mommy serves you the meal that she daddy spent hours preparing for you. Oh WAIT a second....that is not what happens at all.

Let me try again.

Dinner time. You know....the time of day where we fight about what you will or will not eat. Let me take some time to point out the things that you WILL eat.

pizza
chicken nuggets
peanut butter and jelly
white rice
"sketti-o's"
lunch meat
peas
yogurt

lather. rinse. repeat.

Now a few things that mommy has suggested for dinner that were not acceptable in your eyes.

Chicken and noodles over mashed potatoes....mind you this is the ONE thing that Mommy knows how to make and make darn well. Please do not look at it like I just served you dead rats on a platter.

Tacos. Mexican is mommy's favorite. Apparently it is not yours Pierce because you ran from me like they were loaded with poison darts just waiting to take you down.

Remember when Mommy made vegetable soup in the crock pot? Even daddy had to agree that is was good. I was so excited for the two of you to try it. Mallory, you took one look at it and told me you were "all done". Pierce, you at least tried it....after spooning it up and letting it fall back into the bowl a few times....you were not impressed to say the least.

It is not one of mommy's favorite times of day. The 2 of you will stare at me with utter confusion in your eyes when I say to you "we are going to try something new tonight" and immediately protest that you "don't like it" before I even tell you what it is. I can assure you that I am not trying to poison you..... ground up sleeping pills is NOT poison after all because sleep is an important part of a healthy lifestyle.

Those threats about the starving children of the world.....they fall on deaf ears.....it is not helpful when you suggest to me that I "mail your dinner to them"

One final thing about dinner time.....when you declare to me that you are "all done" or "full" and I concede (after all, I am not mommy dearest) I expect that to mean that you are all done. I don't want to have the following conversation

"I'm full" (the visual here is that there is still at least half of your dinner on the plate)
"okay"
"can I have a snack?"
"no, if you are still hungry than finish your dinner"

So please keep this conversation in mind. Tonight we may just go CRAZY and have something NUTS like pork chops. I promise you will make it through the trauma.

Love,
Mommy

Pierce's take on yesterdays events and get yourself a Kozy Pal

How was THAT for a blog title?

Before I get into that though, I hope that even if you DID have a different political view that you wont be offended by this post. If you are...tough. Kidding. Sort of. That is the best part of living in this great country is that we can take part in CHOOSING who we want to lead us.

Anyways

Pierce comes home from school yesterday (and by school I mean day care, but he is in a Pre-K class) and starts to tell me what he learned about why yesterday was important. I could not have said it better myself.

"Ms Beth told me today that after we take a nap and wake up then we will have a new president. His name is Barack Obama"

Funny, that is how I think a lot of us feel.....we took a 8 year really long nap and then woke up to a new president! I wish our new president all the best!!

Pierce also mentioned to me that he also learned about "A Dr that just wanted everyone to be happy and live in peace.....but then some bad guys shot at him and he died" Sometimes I wish we could all live in the minds of innocent children. I love that my children have such a diverse environment in their daycare. They have friends of all different backgrounds and races and never once have they asked me why someone has a different skin color, or why one of Pierce's little friends has 2 mommies. They just see their friends the way that I wish everyone in the world did.

Okay, that got entirely to deep for someone who strives for greatness in sarcasm. On to WHORING FOR A GIVEAWAY

The following is a Kozy Pal Cart Cover. It is the bomb. I'm not just saying that because my friend is the mastermind behind these bits of fabulousness. I have one and I love it....they are WAY better then the one's you can find at your local baby stuff store. They cover the ENTIRE cart, have a pocket for your xanax keys, a place for the kids sippy cup....the wonders never end. Melissa is giving away 2 $50 gift certificates and I have a pregnant cousin so I need to win one. Please check the KozyPal blog and enter to win.

A letter to my brother.....by Mallory age 2.5..dictated by Mommy

Dear Pierce,

I have some things that I would like to talk to you about.

First off, we need to get something straight here. I.....am.....the.....BABY. What I am realizing that means is that 9 times out of 10, I'm gonna get my way. Mommy says that is not a good thing but really....I can tell most times she is way to tired to fight with me. Is she making a monster out of me? Probably. In fact.....She keeps saying that a long time ago there was ANOTHER baby that got her way a lot. We call her Aunt Lee Lee. Yeah, that did not work out so well for our Maw Maw.

So, now that you know that I am the boss let's lay some ground rules. Your toys? You will share them with me. And by share I mean give them to me when I ask for them. Even if my way of asking is screaming in your face to GIVEITTOME. Trust me....in the end it will be easier to just give them to me rather then listen to me scream. I am loud.

Also.....your room....you know the one with the cool bed that has a slide.....let's talk about this. I sleep in what may as well be called a cage....yeah I know, they call it a crib but really it is just a mini jail cell. So, since you have the cool bed with the slide I am going to come in your room when I want to so that I can play on it.

Speaking of sleeping arrangements. I'm not sure you even know this (and I'm not sure why I'm telling you) but most of the night I sleep with mommy and daddy. Yeah, I start out in that mini jail cell but usually around midnight when you are fast asleep I make up and flip the heck out so mommy will come get me. Since she is too tired to listen to me scream all night I get to sleep with them. I kind of think it is funny that you have not caught on to this despite the fact that I am in their bed every morning when you come in.

My name is MALLORY. It has 3 syllables. It is not MAAALLLLOOOORRRYYYYYYYYYYYY which is what you are usually screaming at me. You can also call me princess.

When I want to play with you....you will play with me. Immediately. If you don't we are right back to that screaming.

I know that I have what is probably an unhealthy obsession with Mickey Mouse. He is my BFF. This means that we WILL watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse when I want to. None of this Transformers crap. I know we have seen these episodes over and over but I don't care.

You are my big brother and I love you very very much. Keep these things in mind and we will get a long just fine.

edited by mommy...I would like you all to know that I in no way support the rotten behavior of this child.....I do my best to try and raise her NOT to be a brat. Baby steps. Stay tuned later this week when Pierce writes his response to his sister

Mother of the Year and a Photo Tag

Upon leaving the house today I was quite disgusted to see that it was snowing. Not just a little....tons of fluffy most people think it is beautiful snow. See, the problem is I HATE snow. Hate it. With a passion. I know I don't have a lot to complain about because we did not get much and know some of you out there in blogland have had to dig your cars out of your driveway. Even just an inch of snow is enough to turn me into one of those assholes who drive 20mph on the highway. I know. Most of you hate people like me.

After I slid down my driveway barely missing the trash thingy at the bottom and spun my wheels out to make it up the road (really, do I really need a little light on my dashboard telling me I am sliding....duh) the kids and I were on our way. 25 seconds later I remember that my ID to get me on the base where my kids go to daycare is in my gym bag. Sigh. Being that I pretty much never go to the gym (which is also on base, and free so I really should go) I forgot to take it out of my bag and put it back in the car.

Here is where Mother of the Year comes in.....of course I cannot get up my driveway and I'm not about to drag the kids out of the car and back into the house just to run in and grab my badge. I'm also not about to leave my kids in a running car on the side of the road....come on now, I don't REALLY want someone to take them. What I did do is turn the car off (making my children suffer the agony of being in a car with no DVD playing) Lock them in and tell them mommy had to run inside quickly and I would be right back. I'm sure they enjoyed the entertainment of mommy almost busting her ass on the driveway both up and back down.

Pass me my Mother of the Year trophy. I always swore I would never leave my kids in the car but today, the forces of the universe won.

On to the photo tag---I have actually been waiting on this one to come my way. I was photo tagged by fellow Buckeye mommyofm's to do the following:

1) Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer

2) Select the 4th picture in the folder

3) Explain the picture

4) Tag 4 people to do the same

So here we have....................



Pierce and a school friend. This was in May of 2007 so he would have been 3 and a half....this park is right up the street from us and the kids' daycare does their family picnic there each year. I wish I had a good explanation for the random look on his face (mine is the one in the hat) but sadly....he probably just heard that he had to stop playing and eat lunch or something. And that hat.....It was size 12-18 months and it took me a loooooong time to convince him that it did not fit anymore. So...all this time waiting on this tag to come my way and the photo was not really any fun.

I'm going to tag
Matt at My Side of the Story
Kelly at A Day in the Chapin Life--it will give her something to do and she needs to make some blog friends
Susan in the Psych Ward
and Sarah

Have fun kids. Oh, one more thing before I hit the button.....Francesca told me I should make a perma link to my Tale of the Goose and the Queen. I'm going to go ahead and do that since I am quite convinced I will never ever come up with something so fabulous again in my entire life

2009

So I'm starting out 2009 with an award from Stephanie! Thank you dear.....I KNOW that 2009 has wonderful things in store for you! This is the 2009 New Year's Spirit award and I'm accepting it with a smile because this year I WILL follow through with my goal. I'm not going to call it a resolution because I never keep those. This year it is my GOAL to eat better, exercise more and find that skinny girl I used to be. Having babies has wreaked havoc on my body but I'm tired of using that as an excuse not to fit back into the sizes I used to wear. This year I WILL eat better, I WILL exercise more....not just to lose weight but to set an example for my kids and to just all around feel BETTER physically and mentally. I think I'm going to look back into Weight Watchers online. I liked it back when I tried it a few years back because you can keep track of everything on the computer vs those darn booklets. So here's to 2009 I'm hoping to come back on Feb 1 and tell you all I have lost 10 pounds this month for a start! Wishing you all a healthy happy New Year and feel free to tell me what your goals are this coming year and join the dieting bandwagon with me!

Respect Sleep

I have a secret to share. Okay, maybe not so much a secret as a confession. My favorite thing to do....it's not read, or scrapbook....it's not drinking wine or ever better scrapdrinking (do I need to define that?). No, none of these are my favorite pass time, although those are up there on the things I like list. My favorite hobby is sleeping. Yep. Sleeping. Do you see the irony in this as I do live in the House of No Sleep? Years ago....BK (before kids) I used to sleep like I was going for the gold medal in the sleeping Olympics. BK I used to sleep till at least 10-12 on days that I did not have to work. On weekdays I would come home and catch a quick cat nap on the couch. When I lived alone in my post college-pre Joe apartment I actually had a navy blue blanket nailed to my window so that I could sleep into the afternoon without knowing it was light outside. When Joe and I moved in together it would drive me crazy that for no reason whatsoever other then to annoy the hell out of me he would be up and ready to take on the word at 7AM on the weekends. Bugging me to go run errands with him. Pointing out to me how much we could get done before noon. AK (duh) I have even more respect for sleep then I did BK. To this day my son does not have much use for sleep. He did not sleep through the night until he was 18 months old. 18 long months of getting up with him in the middle of the night. For some reason the "ready to take on the world at 7am" man I married disappeared. He started to barter with me for Sleep in Days instead of being up and making coffee at 7am. I tried to tell him that it was WAY to late to start to respect sleep this late in the game....such a change in sleeping habits was just unacceptable to me. 2.5 years later along came another small person who did not respect sleep. She STILL does not sleep through the night. The only difference is her parents are so lazy that instead of fighting the battle (which she would indeed win) we just throw her in bed with us. Long gone are the days where sleeping in meant 10am....now sleeping in is 8am and we trade off days on the weekend. These past 3 days for some reason my kids slept till 730 and Joe and I thought we had died and gone to heaven. People let me tell you it is HARD to entertain your kids all day when all days starts most days at 5am. A friend asked me once if I was really playing with play-dough at 8am on a Sunday and I was like hell yes I am, we have already watched all the kid shows on the DVR. I have however learned of a new way to respect sleep. The nap. No no, not the power nap of my PK days...the loooooong naps I take on weekends with Mallory. Hey, they tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps....they did not specify how old that baby has to be. I nap with my daughter almost every weekend. I don't screw around with these naps either. I'm not talking about the half assed naps that Joe (non sleep respecter) takes on the couch with the TV on. I'm talking full on napping...jammies, in the bed, lots of pillow and covers. I think the only one in the house who respects sleep as much (if not more) then I do is Scarlet. Not because she is 300 years old...she has always been this way. Scarlet has been known to wait at the edge of the hall and stare at you around bedtime....as in "hey assholes, it's time...let's go" Scarlet gets so flipping excited for weekend naps with Mallory that she makes it up the stairs before we do. Scarlet has been known to take a snap at Joe in the mornings when he tries to get her to let her out to go potty. And as I told you here sleeping with Scarlet is at your own risk because you may lose a toe if you should dare touch her at the foot of the bed while she is sleeping....that is IF she is at the foot of the bed and not sharing your pillow.

Someday I will sleep in again. Maybe not till noon like I did PK but there will come a day in my future when the kids can make their own cereal and work the TV themselves. Until then....I will just have to settle for trading Sleep in Days of 8am with Joe and drinking a LOT of coffee.

Twas the night before Christmas.....

Christmas Eve has always been my favorite day of the year. When I was younger, it was the only time where my entire family was together at one house. I have 13 cousins. My mom is one of 7 kids. To say the least Christmas Eve was always rather chaotic. It was a WONDERFUL chaotic. Us kids probably drove our parents nuts. With 14 grandchildren the the floor around the tree was covered with gifts from our grandparents, aunts and uncles. We would complain wait patiently through dinner to open gifts....a process that destroyed the living room in about 10 minutes flat and then be told by the grown ups to go play. My best memories are from the years when I was probably between 8-12. My cousin L and I would do whatever we could to avoid our little sisters because clearly THEY were the most annoying people to walk the earth. We would find some area in the house to try and hide which was usually would not last too long before moms would make us include those darn little sisters. Fast forward a few years and there was a new baby cousin to love and fight over....L and I always tried to snatch her up and again....hide from those little sisters. The older we got the more the dynamic changed....some older cousins moved away and we did not see them on Christmas Eve. It was always still so much fun. Fast forward a few more years...I would be home from college for Christmas Eve.... once again a totally new dynamic....my cousin L who I love so much had made some bad choices in her life and she was not around to avoid those little (teen aged) sisters with. In the last few years things have taken an entirely new direction. 14 cousins no longer celebrate Christmas Eve together because we have mostly all grown and started our own families....that baby I used to cart around will be turning 18 in a few months. Now the presents are around my mom's tree for HER grandchildren. My son is the one who will be avoiding his little sister on Christmas Eve....after he suffers the TORTURE of being forced to eat dinner before opening presents and being shooed away. Now there are 5 cousins who hopefully will grow up to know that Christmas Eve is the one night they can always count on being together and making those same memories that I had growing up. I really hope that it means as much to them as it did to me.

Moments like this......

This morning after Joe had already left for work and Pierce was still in his room I was still in bed awake but not quite ready to get motivated. Mallory was still asleep (in our bed which is the norm from about midnight on) and I was just laying there watching her. She must have known I was staring at her because she opened those big blue eyes and smiled at me....scooched herself over closer, put her little hand on my face and said:

"I lub you mommy"

And that kids is the tale of how I became a puddle of mommy mush at dark o clock. Moments like this are what makes Life in the House of No Sleep totally and completely worth it.

Alarm sounds....

Wait, who am I kidding. We never wake up to an alarm anymore....in fact I don't even remember waking up to an alarm. Okay....let me start over.

3:00 am- "Mommmmyyyyyyyyyy" get Mallory, bring her in bed with us.
4:00- Evil dog downstairs starts barking. Joe gets up to let him out
5:00- Pierce rolls in. Climbs into bed with us, disturbs dog in bed who growls and attempts to bite toes
5:30-Joe gets up. One or both children are usually awake...have learned that TIVO shows can now be watched in our room-demand Transformers, Imagination Movers Mickey Mouse be put on TV (Mallory wins...no shock there)
5:45 "I'm ready to go downstairs" "It is not time to go downstairs yet, mommy still has to shower and get ready for work"
5:50 "Mallory let's go PLAY"
5:51 disturb dog in bed who growls and attempts to bite toes
6:00 drag ass out of bed. stumble blindly into shower
6-6:10 tell Pierce NOT to help his sister in and out of her crib, that she can get hurt. Finish shower, stumble back into bedroom
6:10-6:15- Put makeup sometimes with Mallory's help, sometimes not. Tell children NOT to sit so close to the edge of Pierce's bed (I remember thinking a loft bed with a slide was a GREAT idea)
6:20-6:30-get kids dress. Here Pierce remind me that he only likes shirts with "something on it" (a character of some sort) Have him remind me how to put his socks on properly
6:30 head downstairs. Hot mess at the bottom while evil dog downstairs tries to see if today is the day Scarlet will love him. Nope.
6:30-6:45- While putting Mallory's hair up "I want a pop tart, no some cereal, no a donut" (they get a REAL breakfast at school" "I want my milk" I want juice mommy...the juice goes in first, THEN the water"
6:45-feed Scarlet...while placing her food on the floor, catch Stitch when he comes running to eat it, (HAHAHA) put him in cage
6:45-6:50 kids in car "I want my pop tart/cereal/donut" I want my milk/juice" "can you put Wall-E on?"
6:50 start car. "Mommy, put Wall-E on, can you turn it up?"
6:50-7:10 Answer the same questions that I answered yesterday. Including but not limited to
"Why is Wall-E a robot?
"Why does Eve like that plant?"
"Where is that airplane going"
"Why do you have to show that guy your card to get to my school?"
7:15 Drop kids off. Head to work.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat

A letter to my children

My dearest children,

I know that you find life to be SO exciting that you just cant wait to begin another day. Mommy finds that so exhausting wonderful. I do however have a demand request of you.....

Pierce---mommy's sweet boy. I have known you now for 5 years. Trust me when I say that I KNOW you want a cracktart poptart, I KNOW you want dinosaur oatmeal, and I KNOW you want some juice and that the juice goes in first and THEN the water. I also know that you will want your THIRD breakfast sometime before 9am. That is what happens when you get up at dark o clock....you need 3 breakfasts. Speaking of time Pierce....last night when mommy told you not to come into my room until your clock said 6 on it. I meant 6:00, not 5:06. I understand that I may need to make that a little more clear tonight.

Mallory--- my baby. Seeing as you spend a majority of your night hogging my bed sleeping with daddy and I, Im not really sure why you feel the need to get up at dark o clock to spend even more time with us. Since you are up though....yes I will get you some milk and I will try my best to get it in the amount of time that you feel is acceptable. I will also do my very best to get Mickey Mouse on the TV as quickly as I can because as a child of the TIVO generation you know that you can demand that your BFF be on TV anytime you want it.

One more thing about being awake this early....I know I said we are going to see Santa today but guess what kids....Santa does NOT get up at dark o clock. So you are going to have to try this neat thing called PATIENCE. During this time of patience mommy is going to have some tea, and a shower. The BEST part of today is....after seeing Santa we get to go right to a birthday party which means any chance of mommy getting to score a nap today are pretty much shot to hell. You guys enjoy that nap in the car though...I will try not to fall asleep at the wheel.

Remember....Mommy loves you. Let's do this again tomorrow.

The Santa Dilemma

Oh the things that I did not ever think about before becoming a parent. When I was little Santa always came and we were pretty much always happy with what he brought. I'm not sure at what age I stopped believing in Santa but even after I did I had a little sister so I had to play the game. We did not get presents from our parents, Christmas gifts came from Santa. Now don't get me wrong, we were raised to know that Christmas is really to celebrate the birth of Jesus but still, every Christmas we were up at the crack of dawn....sometimes earlier thanks to said little sister to see what Santa had brought. Now I AM Santa. But this Santa knows that sadly not all little boys and girls get to experience the joy of coming down those stairs to see what has been left because they come from families that may not be able to afford Christmas. Or even children that churches do those Christmas boxes for in other countries that have nothing. The kids' daycare even has a toy drive for families that may need help this Christmas. My thoughts are rambling here but my point is I'm just not sure how to explain this to Pierce. I want my children to know the magic of Christmas that I had as a child but I also want them to understand that there are less fortunate families out there and we need to have compassion for them. To a 5 year old though he is just going to wonder why Santa does not bring them gifts. I know that the easy answer is just to have most of the gifts come from Joe and I and have Santa just do a few things....but I'm a stickler for tradition.....I want them to have Christmas like my brother, sister and I did.

sigh. I guess I don't know what the answer is. I wish they could just stay innocent forever and not have to know that there is so much sadness out there, and not even just at Christmas time.

yeah for my first rambling post that may not even make sense.