Have You Ever............

Tried to sell a house with 2 kids (not to mention 2 dogs and 2 cats) living in it? Yeah, well it is not easy. In fact it just plain sucks. We have so much shit STUFF. So much. So much stuff that when they are not watching I'm throwing away random happy meal toys, or small toys with pieces missing. The house is clean.....even the toy room, but the hard part is KEEPING it that way. Getting the kids to actually put their crap away when they get it out vs just leaving stuff all over the play room. Making beds every morning.....which makes me late for work! I've never really been one for making beds every morning to be honest. What is the point? We are just going to mess it up again with all that mad sex we have every single day

While I have been trying to organize and clean stuff Joe has been busting his butt doing the "manly stuff". Painting, putting in new faucets in the bathrooms (goodbye 1980's) shampooing the carpet, ect. He cusses an awful lot while doing home improvement (or putting things together that require one of those little wrench things). He is also guaranteed to say each of the following phrases...."Sonofabitch" and "This doesn't make any sense"

We have had 3 showings this first week it has been up. Today starts week 2. I'm trying very hard not to be excited about the house we want to build and where we want to build it because until we sell our house we cant do anything. I'm not one for patience. Shocker I know.

I just want it to sell and sell fast so I can go live in an apartment for 6 months with said 2 kids, 2 dogs and 2 cats. I mean who doesn't want to do THAT?

Wish us luck! Do I even have anyone left in bloggy land to WISH me luck? I know, I'm a slacker....

The price of remodeling

Yeah, so I'm not talking about the monetary price although that was a bit rough too. I'm talking about the mental price! For the next 3 days my house will be in total chaos. More so than usual.

Joe and I spent the weekend moving our living room into the family room toy room. At first the kids thought it was cool to have random furniture piled up in their space but that did not last long. We also had to clean out 2 closets that have not seen the light of day since Betty White was a little girl.

The most fun though was watching poor Joe tear out the cabinet and sink in our downstairs bathroom. It cost him 2 trips to Lowes and almost a finger. Good times. I had the task of cleaning the dining room. See, we don't so much DINE in the dining room. We have a beautiful round table in there and we use it to store our STUFF. By stuff I mean anything we don't know what to do with. I cant even define STUFF because it was truly just a whole lot of random.

Most of the STUFF in the dining room was my scrapbook stuff. It was everywhere!! I was in dire need of some organization. So, I talked Joe into letting me claim a little corner of it for my "craft". It was SUPER pretty until we moved more crap into the dining room that overflowed from the toy room



The biggest crisis of the day though? No, it was not trying to throw random kid toys away while they were not looking (I was like a ninja), it was not finding missing neighborhood children under our couches(ew)....it was THIS

Look close class....do you see what that is? That is my wine rack and in front of it is a CHAIR and tons of other crap. Guess who forgot to pull out a bottle prior to it being blocked? Guess who sent her husband climbing through it all to pull me out a rescue bottle? NOW who's a ninja??

Come Wednesday though it will be all worth it. I will have beautiful new floors and will be able to spend my free time watching my dogs try to run on laminate hardwood. And when cats puke up smaller cats on my floor a quick wipe up will take care of it. Good times? Indeed

Please go visit my bloggy friend Jenny. She has opened up a new store (oh how I wish I could sew)and is having a give a way!

The Ultimate **** Blocker

Yeah, I can't so much use that word in the title of my blog post....but the story has to be told. The story of how a 10lb dog is the ultimate cock blocker

I have mentioned Scarlet before here. Told you how she is my first baby, how I've had her longer than I've had Joe. Well, he seems to forget that she tends to be a tad on the possessive side....and I don't mean of me.

Scarlet respects sleep as much as I do. Maybe even more though I don't see how that is possible. She spends most of the day sleeping in my basket of laundry....be it clean or dirty. Of course at night she sleeps with us. Has been in my bed for 13 years and let's face it.....that is the longest ANYONE has been in my bed.

The point of all of this is what occured on Saturday morning. My kids actually slept until 7 on Saturday. This is like a once every 6 month occurrence. Even better was that when the did get up they were receptive to the idea of putting a movie on in Pierce's room allowing us just a little more time to sleep in. Riddle me this.....what part of SLEEP IN means slide over and try to make out with me? Before I've even really opened my eyes. You know, that subtle pressing against you that is REALLY FREAKING ANNOYING??

Fast forward a few minutes. I still have not killed Joe.... and he this he assumes is the green light to get even friskier when really it just means I'm too lazy to even yell at him. Ahhhh, but the force field is in the way. And she is not ready to wake up yet and she is no where NEAR ready to be asked to move to the foot of the bed. Scarlet is all curled up between us and has no immediate plans to move.

Joe asks nicely...patting at the foot of the bed. She looks at him in disgust and closes her eyes again. He tries to play master and a little firmer tells her to move. She growls at him. He then decides to play with fire and pick her up. And almost loses a finger. Yeah, she snapped at him pretty good and I giggled while he muttered something about her being a cock blocker.

The end of this story did not turn out the way Joe had hoped. The moral? Extra sleep in time does NOT mean we are having the sexy time. It means I am going back to sleep and maybe if you are lucky you will get some later that night.

Maybe

And A Kindle In a Pear Tree.....

Oops, my blog missed Christmas. Santa did not come for my blog because, well, let's face it. My blog WAS very naughty last year

Let me do a recap of the last month(ish). My birthday came and went (more on my gift in a bit)I'm finding that 34 is not much different that 33 was so no big drama there. Joe and I finished Christmas shopping at the last minute....as usual. Wrapped at the last minute.....as usual and I cursed my way through finding him a gift....AS USUAL.

This is the part where I get sidetracked because I did not plan this rant until just now. I can give you a list about a mile long of things that would be an awesome gift for me at any given moment. Truly. Don't get me wrong...I loooove to give presents. Love it. But I'm not ashamed to admit that I also love to receive them. Joe is NEVER at a loss for what to buy me for Christmas or my birthday. Him on the other hand.....he SUCKS to buy for. So hard. Do you watch that new show out called the Modern Family? If so you will get this when I say he almost got 5 hugs and a visit from Spandeau Ballet. Don't watch the show? Then you will have NO idea what that means. Rant over.

The kids were much spoiled this year. Big hits in our house were a Nintendo DS for Pierce....which I think came with a side of crack because he has barely put it down in 4 days and an easel with art stuff for Mallory. I was spoiled a bit every this year too! I got a Kindle and I am in LOVE with it. Bet you can't guess what the very first book I put on it was? I also scored a bottle of bubble vodka (yum) some perfume, an Archivers gift card and a case of wine. Yep, a case.

We actually have PLANS for New Year's Eve. We are going to a party at THIS GIRL'S house where I will once again manage to elude THIS GUY
and keep my true identity a secret.

This brings me back to my birthday. My present this year is a plane ticket that is taking me to HOUSTON!!! No, not with Joe....the best gift ever is a weekend with your GIRLS right? So I am hoping a plane with the above noted New Year's Eve party giver to go to Houston to visit THIS GIRL (don't bother, she never updates), this biatch, this girl, going to cut THIS GIRL, hopefully get to make out with THIS GIRL and her non blogging sister as well as a few other of my besties. Yep, going to have a weekend with "those Internet friends" If you missed last year's debacle (one of them) it can be found HERE. Whew, that was a lot of links

It has only been a few months for most of us but we are finding that this whole "long distance relationship" thing really sucks. I miss them more each day and cannot wait until we are back together....in Houston....for a boot scootin good time YA'LL

So there you are caught up to the last month or so in my world. I'm going to try and get better and being here more often (Jodi, I'm talking to YOU) and I hope everyone had a MERRY CHRISTMAS

It is my anniversary.....AKA Q and A pt 3

7 years ago today Joe became the luckiest man alive. Yep, today is our anniversary! Isn't this when that 7 year itch is supposed to kick in? I'm not really sure what that is honestly but I hope it involves me shopping more.

In the past 7 years Joe has learned more about me than any other person has. Joe has this wicked power to read my mind. Kind of like this morning when I told him that I was not going to shave my legs again until he unclogged the drain in my shower. It's fall...I can rock these hairy legs till spring if need be. Without me even implying what I really meant he knew that there would be no sex until I stop showering in 6 inches of water. Guess what, my shower got fixed today. See, it is moments like this.....our flawless communication that makes us a match made in heaven.

What better day than today to take on Martha's questions from my Q&A post a few weeks back. Ms Martha asks.....

"what is your most favorite food in the world besides wine and cooked goose? And how did you and hubby meet?"

I heart Martha....she knows me well....she knows all about my hatred for geese (unless they are dead) and my love for wine. The kind of food that will kick weight watchers right in the ass where I am concerned is chips and salsa. Is that random enough? It has to be GOOD salsa though (bonus if it is from Chipolte)none of that Tostitos crap....I want real fresh yummy salsa. I want it now actually.

New topic before I lose control and head to Chipolte. Martha also asked how Joe and I met....this is where I get lazy and direct you HERE because I am entirely too lazy to type all of that out again. Plus I need to run and get some chips and salsa.

Dear So and So

Another Friday, another list of things that just need to be said. HAPPY FRIDAY!! Before I get into berating people places and things I need to note....THIS is my 198th post. How in the HECK did that happen? If you missed my 100th you can find it HERE. I don't so much think I will be shooting for 200 things about me OR 200 comments. Perhaps I will just let it slide on by. Maybe I will do a give a way, maybe I will just ask for presents. Anyone want to sponser a giveaway? Anyone? Bueller?

Dear eBay Seller,
Hi, I'm Cammie. You may note by my 100s of positive feed backs that I have been around the eBay block a few times. I love me some eBay. Last week when I bought 3 pairs of size 5 navy shorts off of you for my son's new school uniform I was super excited to be getting them for $6. I was NOT however super excited to see you charge me $10.95 to ship them. Really? $10.95 for 3 pairs of little boy shorts? Did you forget to take the lead pipes out of the pockets? Now I will take a tiny bit of blame for not paying attention to the shipping cost but never have I paid that much for shipping so I just did not think to pay attention. Imagine my further surprise when I found out that you were NOT shipping from Europe which could have been the ONLY reason for such a high cost. I also find it amusing that when I called you out on it you refunded my money without further discussion. Chicken.
My feedback is higher than yours,
Cammie

Dear Chipolte,
Oh how I love your Mexican goodness. You rice is always perfected with just enough lime and cilantro, your chips just enough salt...but better than that is your sour cream. No other Mexican restaurant can perfect your sour cream which has a constancy like no other. How DO you make your sour cream that it does not just plop in the middle of my chicken fajita bowl but oozes off of the spoon to spread nicely across the top. I'm honestly not sure I want to know but I thank you Chipotle and shall forever remain....
A Loyal Customer

Dear Nintendo,
I love my Wii. I love that I can download old school games such as Super Mario Brothers and Punch-Out onto my Wii console. In fact I love it so much I may end up sending you the bill when I get carpal tunnel. Please....for the love of all that is holy.....give me Super Pitfall!! That is WAY cooler than some of the random crap that I can find. I promise to still feed my children if you give me Super Pitfall.
Yours until my hands go numb,
Cammie

Dearest Mallory,
Mommy loves you so very much. I'm not a huge fan of sharing my bed with you for half of the night. Let's be honest....most of the time I'm not even fond of sharing it with your daddy. I realize that I am SO lucky that you were night potty trained within weeks of being day trained but did you REALLY have to choose my bed for your first accident? That was your gimme. Do it again and we may have to press the issue of you sleeping in YOUR bed. Trust me, I look forward to that battle less than you do.
Love,
Mommy

Dear Punk Ass Kid In Swim Class,
So I hear from your big brother who was sitting next to me that you got kicked out of pre-school. LE GASP!! Really??? With such behavior such as spitting water in kids faces I would never have guessed. You really are a cute kid but I'm going to need you to stay away from my kid. And yes he IS that gullible that when you told him your name was scarface last night he proceeded to call you that throughout the class.
Don't Make Me Drown You,
Pierce's Mommy

Dear Rambler,
I told you so.
Cammie Cullen

And Finally... To My Darling Husband,
I survived the week with you out of town. Barely. I hate when you leave and I sleep like crap just WAITING for someone to come and kill me. It did not help that the damn cat would "knock" on the door in the middle of the night. You get home tonight. My scrapbook stuff is packed and by the door. Don't call.
With All My Love,
Your Wife.

Reason #233 Why Boys Are Dumb

I got a new toy over the weekend. It's pink, it's 10 inches and it brings me great pleasure.....want to know what it is?

Now that your minds are out of the gutter you little pervs let me tell you about my new toy! It appears that Joe and I I have a problem sharing. Each night after our kids are in bed I would plop down on the couch and proceed to monopolize the laptop for as long as I felt need to do so. I'm a busy girl, what with building my virtual zoo on facebook and chatting with my mommy board friends. Now granted we have a desktop in another room but it is very far away from the TV and neither of us would sacrifice our shows to go use the crappy computer in the other room. Finally Joe got tired of my bitching and decided that we could get my pretty pink dell mini!!

On to the reason why boys are dumb....Seriously....why can guys not ASK FOR HELP when they need it? Why do they think they can do everything all by themselves? I swear I want to tell him that even though he CANT fix our broken dishwasher he is still good in bed....the 2 are NOT related. I remember back when I was pregnant with Pierce and we had just moved into our house.....he came home one day with tons of pipes mumbling some nonsense about re-doing some GAS pipes in the basement. I picked my poodle up and headed to my mom's for the day and told him to call me when he was done if he did not blow up the house.

I digress. This issue is about my pretty pink laptop and how I needed it hooked up to the Internet NOW. Now Joe is a smart guy and he actually does know how to set up wireless on a new computer....he did it with the soon to no longer be shared laptop and I was not at all concerned that he would not be able to get my new one set up. Until he couldn't. Apparently doing the normal thing that you do to set up a laptop to wireless was not working. That was the first night. The second night I told him that he should just call the Dell 24 hour customer service line. An hour later he is still sitting there looking at my laptop. Whenever Joe is fixing something or putting it together (Pierce's bike, a table that we bought, ect) I can guarantee that 2 things will come out of his mouth at some point. "This doesn't make any sense" and "sonofabitch". I again encourage him to call Dell to which he told me that I could call them if I wanted to. mmmmmmkay. FINALLY he concedes and gives them a call.

10 minutes later my laptop is up and running. Apparently my screen resolution was all jacked up and there was a little box that could not be seen that needed checked.

10 minutes later.

Boys are dumb.

(He also told me that the first thing he was going to do once he took posession of the old laptop was remove my Twilight wallpaper and replace it with some hot chick background. When he wasnt looking I replaced it with a picture of me. HA)

A Plethora Of Randomness

So I thought about a blog post today but really I have nothing going on up in my head but a whole lot of random. I will share it with you. You're Welcome

This past weekend we went to the Kalahari which is a super awesome indoor water park up by Lake Erie. Pierce looooooooves the Kalahari, loves it so much that it is usually a fight when we have to leave. Some observations from our time there...

Mallory spent a week bitching at the beach. She did however enjoy the water park. She played in the toddler area and even let herself get wet. At one point she even sat at the very edge of the wave pool. Does anyone see the irony in this?

Why do teenagers (and in some cases adults) feel the need to wear the smallest bikini ever to a WATER PARK. Do you want your boobs to pop out? I fear that in most cases the answer to this is yes.

Some people who wear bikinis should not. Period

I am OLD not as young as I used to be. I don't recall needing to take an Aleve after a day of water park fun when I was younger. Water slides hurt your back.

The lazy river is meant to be LAZY. I wanted to drown asshole kids who were running through it with no flotation device to be seen

Mallory was supposed to start pre-school today. Keep in mind that pre-school is down the hall in the same building from where her toddler class is. She knew she was supposed to go to a new class today and she talked a good game over the weekend. Today she told me that she would go in 5 days. She was dropped off in the toddler class so as not to traumatize her. And by her I mean her new teachers

My sister and I have been in a disagreement for a few months that involves her treatment of our mother. That is putting it nicely. Today I tried to talk to her over text about how we needed to act like adults around her and not get into some screaming match that will stress out our mom. I asked her if she thought we could manage that and she told me to go fuck myself. I guess that answers that question.

I have 2 dates this week and neither of them are with my husband. I'm kind of excited because since they are not with my husband I wont have to put out. The first is on Wed with BFF B. I am going to see the much anticipated new Harry Potter movie. I cannot freaking wait! Friday I have a date with BFF Liz....we are going to the New Kids on the Block concert. Okay, we are streaming it live into her big screen TV but don't think I still wont throw my panties at them and lick the screen. I'm sure BFF Liz wont mind so long as I am not licking Donnie.

Happy Monday!

Dear So and So

I almost forgot that it was the day to send out my hate mail love notes to all who have blessed me this past week. If you want to play along head on over to Kat's place and link up.

Dear Kat,

I heart you, I heart your blog. But I hate you just a tiny bit right now for being too busy to blog because you are "roaming the English countryside" rub it in why don't you,
Love, Jealous in Ohio

Dear Joe,
I don't feel good today and I'm trying to keep this in mind when I find myself being annoyed at you calling me 18 times today while trying to get stuff ready to leave after work. Really though, you needed my advice on a swim suit for Pierce? You are there, I am at work, make a decision and move on

Love, your cranky wife

Dear Sister In Law,
Thanks for pissing Joe off on father's day. You pissed off one sister on Halloween so I am guessing that 4th of July goes to the last sister. For what it's worth, Joe does not get THAT angry all that often and you made him wreck the car in the garage pissed and that takes a lot.
Hating Drama That I Do Not Cause, Cammie

Dear Kallie the Cat,
I love that you have started to sleep with us. I'm not sure you realize just how lucky you are that Scarlet allows this. However, if you continue to kneed my stomach for 20 minutes to make what is already squishy fit your comfort needs I will send you down to Florida to make friends with the serial cat killer.

Love, Mommy

My Darling Mallory,
I know you are scared of thunder storms but I promise they will NOT kill you. Kindly remove yourself from my ass

Love, Mommy

Dear Michael Jackson,
While you did get a bit strange over the years, I will always remember that Thriller was the first video I ever saw on MTV. You are an icon of my childhood and your death will be the Elvis of my generation

Rest In Piece, Cammie

Dear HTML,
Typing you out gets on my nerves. which explains the lack of consistency between paragraphs on this post. This is me not caring.
Love Cammie

Bras Are Dumb

As I sit here typing this morning the under wire in my bra is poking out and is stabbing me in the side of my boob. Yep, another bra bites the dust. Something I hate just as much as WEARING a bra is shopping for one. I hate spending that much money on an article of clothing that just makes me miserable anyways. 2 things that I take off as soon as I get home.....shoes (okay 3 things) and bra

So I started thinking.....if bras were just a little bit cooler, or they had multiple uses maybe I would not hate them so much. That of course led me on a search for the perfect bra

Exhibit A

A place to keep your goldfish. This serves more than one purpose because not only can you keep your goldfish close, but you can also get a little extra as far as size goes. I personally would choose piranha as a friendly reminder to Joe as to who is in charge. Careful not to pop them, because then you have dead fish.

Speaking of getting groped.....for those of you who DO want to be groped at or for you single ladies that encourage it we have exhibit B

This bra is PERFECT if your man needs a little extra help finding the girls. I would change this one a bit too......red means stop....green means go....and yellow means hurry up because something better is about to come on TV

Now if Joe wanted a guarantee to get some every single day he could invest in Exhibit C.....the bra made off 1 million dollars worth of diamonds. It may not be comfortable but man is it pretty.....and I keep telling him that my boobs are priceless.

In my search for awesome bras I did come across a few that were not so awesome. They were so not awesome that most I could not blog about while at work in fear of my boss walking by while I'm posting the pic of the bra made out of bacon. Use your imagination kids.....bacon is yummy.....but not raw and not in a size DD.

Here is one that I CAN share.....but what can I say about this bra other than it is just fowl.....hardee har har

Now if you are like me and you just dream of living in a world where letting the girls fly is acceptable (hmmm, I would SO be an excellent member of a tribe somewhere.....oh wait, no computer....never mind)then you can use your old bras for more creative ideas. Such as a place to plant your garden

Or make a pretty handbag out of it

I had a few other ideas that did not come with pictures so I will leave you to your imagination.....sling shot bra, goose choking bra....and my personal favorite.....lasso a hot vampire bra

The possibilities are ENDLESS ladies (and drag queens). Don't let your bra suffocate you.....free the girls and free the world.......

I am the bestest most awesome-est wife EVER if I do this....right?

So BFF Liz has informed this this morning that the New Kids on the Block just so happen to be in DC at the same time as ME! Quelle' Coincedence......I had the AWESOME idea to buy tickets and surprise Joe with them. Oh, he would be surprised. I could tell him that they were for HIM.....you know, cuz he won this big award. How thoughtful of me to surprise him with concert tickets while we are away. Wonder what would happen if I actually did this.

I mean that would really only benefit him because I would get all hot and bothered at the concert and.....well, you know. Again, win win for him. I am SUCH a good wife. hmmmmmm

No, I did not actually DO this. Not that I did not think about it. Still waiting on him to call me back so I can ask him if we can go and listen to him say hells no

Off to DC tomorrow!! I will update when I can, pray my little one does not pine away for her mommy while we are gone.....the big one is like "BYE, See you when you get back

PS I had a request from Sara for additional chapters to the "I Hate Geese" saga....I will have to get into this when I get back but the bastard office geese are gone for the season. And no I did not kill them.

134

Wow, I have 134 followers. I feel like I need to declare today National Leave Cammie A Comment Day because I know that out of all 134 of you only about 20 of you fail to kill a fairy. Not sure what I am talking about? Go read my comment box.

I heart ALL 134 of you and I want to PLAY with you all! I can no longer see my followers here at work (darn filter software gives me a big old HEY WE ARE WATCHING YOU every time I pull up my blog)so come on out of lurk mode so I can see who you are. I know I tend to be a bit scary at times but I promise that (for the most part) I am nice. I don't bite. much.

Don't kill the fairies guys. They are people too.

I have been incognito for a few days now and I have realized that it is because I am a bit stressed about my upcoming trip to DC this weekend. I'm pretty excited about 6 days away with my husband but I'm starting to stress leaving the kiddos. Add that to the fact that I hate to fly and I'm a bit frazzled. I'm hoping that once we actually GET there and I find out that my 3 year old is not rocking in a corner crying for her mommy (I know Pierce will be fine, he is actually excited to spend 6 days with his cousins)I will calm down a bit. If I DO find out that 3 year old is not rocking in a corner crying for her mommy I will probably just stay hammered all week and try not to throw up on anyone important to my husband's job. YES I'm kidding, but it is kind of fun to watch Joe get all twitchy when I tell him that.

Now.....YOU.....go forth and comment. Yep, I am looking at YOU

DO OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes class it is 8:33AM and I need to start all over. I get in my car this morning with my children in PLENTY of time to make it to work on time. This alone is reason to cheer. I glance down and remember THIS

Oh yeah, I need gas. No big deal, we pass a station right on the way to daycare. Off we go listening to the merry tunes of Veggie Tales singing about letting your light shine. We pull into the gas station, I reach into my bag and pull out my walletcant find my wallet. sigh. I must have left it at home. Which is annoying but not a HUGE deal since home is about 5 minutes away. I'm going to be a few minutes late to work.

Get home, dogs are going nuts, look around.....no wallet.

I'm going to be a little bit more late to work.

Call myself at work. Self does not pick up (duh) but co-worker does. "Hey co-worker, is my wallet on my desk? It is? Well that is just FANTASTIC because I need gas and don't have my debit card....I'm going to be a lota little bit late to work

Call Joe. This is his fault. Don't ask how, it just is. Yes, I DO realize how lucky he is to have me thankyouverymuch. Ask Joe where super secret gas card is hidden so that if I even make it back to the gas station I don't have to make out with the guy behind the counter (again) to get gas. I am going to be fairlylate to work.

Armed with the gas card I say a prayer that I make it to the gas station and fill up. I'm starting to get mildly annoyed at all the extra steps in my morning which is about the same time that Pierce decides to ask me questions like "How do you make wood?" and "Why are roofs called roofs?"

Get to day care and say a silent prayer that I keep my military ID (the one that allows me on base) in my car so that I don't have to go to the front gate and make out with the cop (again) to get in. Have I mentioned that I am going to be really late to work

Dropping Mallory off in her class is not a quick process. She does fine but I have to say good bye to her through the window when I pass her class to take Pierce to his, and AGAIN when I walk back out....the 2nd time involves kissy faces through the glass. Everyday.

Reminding myself not to speed as I do not have my license on me I head to work. By this point I am sweating like a hooker in confession and really just want to go back to bed. Get to work, and manage to wrangle up $.80 so that I do not have to make out with the girl at the cafeteria (again) for coffee. Seriously wish that I had something to spike said coffee with.

All in all I was only 20 minutes late to work.

Yeah Me

Camping Recap

We had a most awesome time camping this past weekend! I was a bit nervous as to how her majesty would behave since she is not a fan of water, bugs or dirt but she had a wonderful time as well! I was SUPER annoyed to realize that I had forgotten my GOOD camera but I did have my other little camera in my purse so I was able to at least get SOME pics.

We had a bit of drama when we first arrived which proved (again) that wives are WAY smarter than husbands. I had been nagging Joe for months now to go and practice popping the camper up again prior to us actually taking it camping. In true man style he assured me that it would not be an issue. Guess what. It was an issue. He finally figured it out and we were able to get our mansion pop-up set up. I only made one comment like "Wow, maybe we should have practiced this earlier....just sayin"

I probably gained 10lbs over the course of the weekend thanks to really good dinners, and let's not forget the s'mores.....YUM. The kids swam (well, Pierce swam, Mallory allowed herself to get a little bit wet)and pretty much ran around that campground like they owned it. We were set up right across from the park so I was able to be mother of the year and sit my butt in a chair and read while I watched them play.

There was also a beach close by and we were thinking about visiting until I heard someone mention it was crowded with GEESE. I suspected there would be some close by....keeping their evil little goose eyes on me. Would you believe I can even toss a Twilight story into a camping story? While I was sitting outside of my mom's camper I heard the distinct sound that is "Bella's Lullaby" playing from the camper next door. I will admit that I hoped for one hot second that the Cullens were hunting camping next to us and my Edward was taking a piano break but alas....it was a woman with her iPod driving her spouse nuts to the tunes of the Twilight soundtrack. Ahhhh yes....Twilight fans are everywhere.....All in all I would give our weekend an A+. We don't get to go again until August due to vacations and Joe's work schedule but Pierce at least will get to go with my mom a few more times

Not Me Monday

Monday again already??? I swear the weekends just keep getting shorter! You know the drill.....Not Me Monday was created by MckMama to tell the world about all of the things that you did NOT do over the past week. I find it to be rather therapeutic!!

This past week.....hmmmmm.......

I did NOT spend a lot of last week working on a project that I will talk about later this week. I was NOT AT ALL thrilled with the outcome and will NOT expect much attention from you all in regards to said project. What do you all think I am? An attention whore? Not Me.

I did NOT read Eclipse for the 3rd time. In fact I'm not even going to bother mentioning this since all of you already know that I do NOT have an infatuation with the Twilight series. That said, I do NOT plan on reading Breaking Dawn (for the 3rd time) this week as well.

I did NOT decide to start training for a 5K that I may or may not even run in. I was NOT AT ALL proud of myself for not only running on the treadmill, but living to tell about it. I am NOT AT ALL out of shape and I am NOT determined to do this and lose some weight in the process.

Friday I was NOT excited to put my kids to bed so that I could enjoy my Tivo'd Today Show with the New Kids on the Block....I did NOT stop and rewind a few parts more than once while wiping the drool from my chin.

At the same time I was NOT enjoying my New Kids porn Joe was NOT in the kitchen BAKING his daughter's birthday cake. When he told me that the New Kids were gay I did NOT point out to him that he was the one working on a 3 layer pink princess cake.



Saturday.......I did NOT celebrate my daughter's 3rd birthday (more on this on her actual bday which is this Friday) We did NOT have a wonderful day at the park with friends and family.

BFF Liz did NOT give me the biggest smile ever when revealing to me her gift for my daughter which was a t-shirt that read "The Future Griffin McIntyre" who is NOT the son of my beloved Joey McIntyre aka hottest New Kid ever.

I did NOT find that ironic seeing as just 3 weeks ago I did NOT get my friend's daughter a shirt that read "Lil Miss Cullen" for her birthday

I did NOT have a wonderful mother's day!! I did not come downstairs to be greeted with smiley kids wishing me a happy Mother's day! I also did NOT love finding a case of wine, Archivers gift card and 90210 Season 4 waiting for me! Yeah!!!

Hope all of you mommy's did NOT have a wonderful Mother's day as well!

The Art of Selective Hearing.

It never fails to amaze me how husbands (and I'm using the plural here because I know MINE is not the only one) have this neat-o capability to only hear what they want to hear. Can you imagine a life where the ONLY things that make it to your ears are things you WANT to hear? Meanwhile all those baaaaaad things that us wives say such as "hey honey I'm going shopping today" come out like a teacher at Charlie Brown's school is speaking?

What a defense mechanism to have your mind automatically filter out the unfortunate things such as "I would like to go scrap booking today" or "Hey can you wipe the dogs butt?" and only hear things like "Do you want me to cook dinner wearing nothing but an apron?" ***

Let's take this example. Last weekend Joe mentioned to me that he was invited to play poker with some friends of ours this coming Saturday. Excellent.....please go because I was actually hoping to do drinks dinner with my girlfriends from work on Friday. Sounds like a plan.

Fast forward to last night when I reminded him of my plans for today. Blank stare.

Really? You can bet your ass that if I had said "Hey honey, next weekend I'm inviting Angelina Jolie over for a threesome " he would not have forgotten. In fact I could have said "Honey I'm inviting Angelina Jolie over for a threesome on May 7th 2015" and he would have the date memorized.

What part of the male brain censors words like "shopping"? It is truly fascinating. It must be the same part of the FEMALE brain that censors words such as "laundry" and "shave your legs"

Perhaps we need to find some sort of way to associate the things we WANT them to remember with something happy for them like golf. Such as when I let my husband know that there is something that I want to do I also smack him over the head with a driver. That way when he thinks of golf (happy things) he remembers that I too have plans.

win/win right?

***These words would never actually BE uttered in my house. I don't do aprons. Or cook

PS----I have this FABULOUS friend named Amy. I heart her in the big puffy heart way. She just released her sarcasm to the public for your reading pleasure...she is evil in a Cammie sort of way....which of course is why I heart her. HERE is her blog. She kicks ass.