Monday, June 29, 2009

Did You Know That The Ocean Is The Entrance To Hell?

That is the only reason I can come up with that Mallory hates it with such a passion. Today was a repeat of yesterday and the day before....Pierce my little water baby is wearing Joe out wanting to be in the water non stop and Princess Scowls A-Lot sits under the umbrella and looks at the water like it is the entrance to the pits of hell

Today she actually let me take her to the VERY edge of where the water was coming to a stop. I could have done a back flip and not dropped her as hard as she was clinging to me. After about 10 minutes I stopped torturing her and she ran back to the umbrella. We called my mom from the beach and she told her "I hate the ocean Maw Maw".

Meanwhile Pierce is the beach pimp. He already has a little girlfriend that is here for the week and they hold hands and jump the waves together. Pierce would keep Joe in the water all. day. long. if we did not make him stop for lunch. He was so tired that he actually slept until 8:15 today which only happens when I give them NyQuil the night before. Am I kidding? Am I?

"Cammie, where are all of your pics??" Oh, you want to know where pics are? Well Joe someone did not pack the USB cord with the camera bag which sucks as much as a goose attack...had myself all ready to upload pics every day and spend time editing them but that is not going to happen. So hear are some random ones from my phone.

Ready to go down to the beach.

Beach? No pool on the deck? Rock On!!

We took them putt putting tonight....Mallory's first time.

"I hate the ocean and I hate you for bringing me here"

The coolest part of today? Realizing that everywhere you go you can find someone reading a Twilight the middle aged lady on the beach nose into New Moon!

The best part of today? We found a restaurant with a raw bar and I sucked down a dozen raw oysters......YUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Saturday, June 27, 2009

She Sells Sea Shells

Hello from fabulous Holden Beach, North Carolina! We made it here without having to strap a single child to the top of the van! Hooray!!

We make our trek from Ohio to NC in 2 days because frankly I cannot deal with being trapped in such a confined space with my children for longer than the 6 hours on day one. I realllllly wanted to stop for some duck tape around 8PM last night when instead of falling asleep like sweet angels in the car they kept freaking talking all the way till 11PM

We got here around 1 today and after unloading the car decided to take a quick trip down to the water which is right across the street from the beach house. While walking up to the walkway Mallory asked me if she could have a coconut on the beach. Awwww, how sweet....she is going to LOVE the beach

If my daughter used the colorful language that I am fond of I think she would have said the following....."WHAT THE HELL IS THAT AND NO WAY AM I PUTTING MY ASS IN IT!!!!" To say she was not impressed with the ocean is a mild understatement. Add to the fact that she was running on no nap and I had quiet a witchy little thing with me. While Pierce ran around joyfully shouting that he loves the beach and loves the ocean and was having a grand old time Witchy McBrat scowled at the water, at me, at the other people on the beach and told me that she was NOT going to get wet. Bet me. I picked her up and carried her to the VERY edge of where the water was coming up and put her down on her feet. The water barely touched her toes when she went screaming holy hell back up to the blankets and told me to "get her outta there" She did find a bit of fun in collecting shells and putting them in her bucket and that may be the ONLY way we get her back down to the sand.

Made a quick stop to the store to stalk up on wine necessities and we are taking it easy tonight.

Tomorrow it is back to torturing one kid and building sand castles with the other

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Friday, June 26, 2009

Dear So and So

I almost forgot that it was the day to send out my hate mail love notes to all who have blessed me this past week. If you want to play along head on over to Kat's place and link up.

Dear Kat,

I heart you, I heart your blog. But I hate you just a tiny bit right now for being too busy to blog because you are "roaming the English countryside" rub it in why don't you,
Love, Jealous in Ohio

Dear Joe,
I don't feel good today and I'm trying to keep this in mind when I find myself being annoyed at you calling me 18 times today while trying to get stuff ready to leave after work. Really though, you needed my advice on a swim suit for Pierce? You are there, I am at work, make a decision and move on

Love, your cranky wife

Dear Sister In Law,
Thanks for pissing Joe off on father's day. You pissed off one sister on Halloween so I am guessing that 4th of July goes to the last sister. For what it's worth, Joe does not get THAT angry all that often and you made him wreck the car in the garage pissed and that takes a lot.
Hating Drama That I Do Not Cause, Cammie

Dear Kallie the Cat,
I love that you have started to sleep with us. I'm not sure you realize just how lucky you are that Scarlet allows this. However, if you continue to kneed my stomach for 20 minutes to make what is already squishy fit your comfort needs I will send you down to Florida to make friends with the serial cat killer.

Love, Mommy

My Darling Mallory,
I know you are scared of thunder storms but I promise they will NOT kill you. Kindly remove yourself from my ass

Love, Mommy

Dear Michael Jackson,
While you did get a bit strange over the years, I will always remember that Thriller was the first video I ever saw on MTV. You are an icon of my childhood and your death will be the Elvis of my generation

Rest In Piece, Cammie

Dear HTML,
Typing you out gets on my nerves. which explains the lack of consistency between paragraphs on this post. This is me not caring.
Love Cammie

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Thursday, June 25, 2009

A plague upon my house

You know what sucks? Pierce getting strep. You know what else sucks? ME getting strep. You know what sucks the most? Pierce and I getting strep 2 days before we leave for vacation and just waiting for Mallory and Joe to be struck down

Yes the sickie ickies have descended upon The House Of No Sleep. No doubt caused by a goose somewhere. Pierce was sent home with a fever on Wed, diagnosis strep. I stayed home with him yesterday, started feeling a little nasty as the day went on so I took myself to the Dr. He handed me my amoxocillan and sent me on my way.

One thing about sick Cammie is that I do NOT screw around with sleep. I took the kids to school today and came home and slept until noon. I sound SUPER sexy and manly today...kind of like my name should be Marge and I should be driving a bus somewhere.

We leave tomorrow for vacation....we are beach bound and I am SO excited to play with the kids at the beach...praying that Mallory and Joe don't get sick in the next few days.

Please excuse my lack of comments these last few days....I was cuddling with my sick boy yesterday and today I'm just kind of laying on the couch feeling all BLAH. Since I have a sick obsession with my laptop I have a hard time being unconnected to the Internet I will be blogging away from the beach while we are gone!

Since I am fresh out of wittiness today I will leave you with a Pierce funny. Yesterday we were at the Dr reading a book in the waiting room and the story mentioned a housekeeper. Pierce asked me what a housekeeper was. I told him it was someone who cooked and cleaned and took care of the house and that mommy wishes SHE had one. His response....We do.....DADDY! God I love that kid.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Bras Are Dumb

As I sit here typing this morning the under wire in my bra is poking out and is stabbing me in the side of my boob. Yep, another bra bites the dust. Something I hate just as much as WEARING a bra is shopping for one. I hate spending that much money on an article of clothing that just makes me miserable anyways. 2 things that I take off as soon as I get (okay 3 things) and bra

So I started thinking.....if bras were just a little bit cooler, or they had multiple uses maybe I would not hate them so much. That of course led me on a search for the perfect bra

Exhibit A

A place to keep your goldfish. This serves more than one purpose because not only can you keep your goldfish close, but you can also get a little extra as far as size goes. I personally would choose piranha as a friendly reminder to Joe as to who is in charge. Careful not to pop them, because then you have dead fish.

Speaking of getting groped.....for those of you who DO want to be groped at or for you single ladies that encourage it we have exhibit B

This bra is PERFECT if your man needs a little extra help finding the girls. I would change this one a bit means means go....and yellow means hurry up because something better is about to come on TV

Now if Joe wanted a guarantee to get some every single day he could invest in Exhibit C.....the bra made off 1 million dollars worth of diamonds. It may not be comfortable but man is it pretty.....and I keep telling him that my boobs are priceless.

In my search for awesome bras I did come across a few that were not so awesome. They were so not awesome that most I could not blog about while at work in fear of my boss walking by while I'm posting the pic of the bra made out of bacon. Use your imagination kids.....bacon is yummy.....but not raw and not in a size DD.

Here is one that I CAN share.....but what can I say about this bra other than it is just fowl.....hardee har har

Now if you are like me and you just dream of living in a world where letting the girls fly is acceptable (hmmm, I would SO be an excellent member of a tribe somewhere.....oh wait, no computer....never mind)then you can use your old bras for more creative ideas. Such as a place to plant your garden

Or make a pretty handbag out of it

I had a few other ideas that did not come with pictures so I will leave you to your shot bra, goose choking bra....and my personal favorite.....lasso a hot vampire bra

The possibilities are ENDLESS ladies (and drag queens). Don't let your bra suffocate the girls and free the world.......

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Friday, June 19, 2009

Random Messages to Random People

My friend Kat over at Three Bedroom Bungalow has started a fun new topic for venting out to all of the people/things that are pushing your buttons. Since I tend to find venting SUPER therapeutic I figure I will play along.

Dear Joe,
You have been out of town this week and I have really missed you. Even though it IS a work trip and not a vacation you still have not had to wipe anyone's ass but your own. Incidentally...when you told me that you were stopping in Chicago to visit your buddy ON THE WAY home from ST LOUIS and spending the night I did not pay much attention to the geography of said locations. Guess what, you are busted. When you get home tomorrow I am clocking out.

Love, Your Tired Wife

Dear Yorkie,
You are over a year old now. If you do not stop crapping in the house 5 minutes after I let you inside I just may kill you. One more thing--when you eat all of the little bone pieces out of your food and leave the square pieces and whine until I fill your already full bowl up so you can pick out more little bone pieces....that gets on my nerves. You are just as bad as the kids.

Love, Mommy

Dear Cat #1,
Cleaning up your hair balls every day is getting tiresome. Kudos though for having just enough aim to throw up all over Pierce's flip flop. I'm sure that took talent

Love, Mommy

Dear Mallory,
I don't think you or your bother will EVER know how much I love you both. However, when I tuck you into bed smelling so clean from your bath, kiss you goodnight and close your door Mommy does not want to see you again until much later. Imagine how I soiled my pantieshow high I jumped last night when about an hour after I put you to bed you started screaming like someone had set your bed on fire. Oh my poor sweet princess....did your stupid ass "moon in my room" that I wish Santa never broughtprecious LUNA turn off? Like it does EVERY NIGHT? What a crisis. I know this must be horrible for you but please don't scream like that again or I will throw Luna out your window

Love, your incontinent Mommy

Dear Pierce,
Mommy's sweet boy. You are getting so big and so so smart. It appears that yesterday you learned something about weather. When you looked at me like I was the biggest idiot you knowthis morning and told me that "The sound of thunder is NOT Jesus bowling in Heaven Mommy, it is ACTUALLY the sound of 2 clouds hitting each other" I was so proud of you, and just a little sad that you are getting too smart to be lied to.

Love, Mommy

Dear Weather On My Drive in This Morning,
SUCK IT!! I don't enjoy dodging lightning bolts. I also don't enjoy seeing my kids FAH-Reak out like we are going to die any second (although I did kind of enjoy watching Mallory try and pick her cup up with her elbows while her hands were over hear ears)Please move on by tomorrow....I have a outdoor appointment with a photographer for the kids tomorrow and I don't want to cancel it.


Someone piss in your Wheaties this morning? Want to play along? Go visit Kat and LINK UP!!

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Thursday, June 18, 2009

Teenage girls are EVIL

How do you I know this you ask? Being the mother of a 3 year old daughter I cannot possibly know this. Well let me tell you HOW I know this.

My poor Edward.....please note the following which is taken from a site that I stalk...

Rob Pattinson is quickly learning the hazards of filming a movie in New York City - he was hit by a taxi cab on Thursday while running away from hysterical fans! witnessed the Twilight star get clipped by a cab around noon in front of the Strand Bookstore on Broadway and 12th Street.

He was not hurt.

The 23-year-old London-born actor had been inside most of the morning filming scenes for his new movie Remember Me.

A team of five security guards were trying to fend off a crowd of teenaged girls when Rob was leaving the bookstore.

It was pouring rain as they tried to hustle him quickly across the busy street to the safety of his trailer.

Some of the teen girls were hysterical and Rob rushed across the road. As he did so, a taxi grazed him. The cabbie slammed on his brakes as soon as he realized what had happened.

It appeared as if the cab hit Rob in the hip. He stood there for a moment looking stunned. The bodyguard next to him checked if he was okay and then screamed at the fans: "You see what you did, you almost killed him!"

Pattinson will be shooting around Manhattan for the next four weeks

SERIOUSLY.....all of you stupid Edward Rob Pattinson obsessed teen girls almost killed MY boyfriend. Simmer down and dont make me sick the Voluti on you. And how did ALICE not see this coming?? If you are going to stalk him please do it like an adult and resort to peaking in his windows at night and sending him snips of your hair.

KIDDING.......or AM I?

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Wednesday, June 17, 2009

See you next month

That is about the time I will get done visiting all of you who commented yesterday. Whew, being the featured blogger at SITS was fun!!! I am going to spend most of the day getting back to everyone!

Did you stick around? I noticed I have a few tons of new followers! I can't see my follow list from work (stupid firewalls) so let me know if you stuck around for the madness!

I promise to get back to normal blogging tomorrow...but for now I'm off to check YOU all out.

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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Ahhhh, The Attention is back one ME

Today I get to be the featured blogger over at The Secret Is In The Sauce. If you are visiting from there WELCOME!!! After last week's "The Week of Joe" I'm thrilled to have the focus back on me where it belongs.

True to Cammie form, I do not follow directions well and totally forgot to change out the dirty words in my 3 favorite posts so Heather had to use some PG ones until I got around to doing that. Now that I have done that HERE are my 3 best (until Heather gets around to changing it over at SITS)Pretty Please go check them out! They are a better glimpse into my blogging personality! Feel free to follow me on Twitter!!

The Tale of the Dragon and the Queen

Respect Your Periods

Mommies Gone Wild

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Sunday, June 14, 2009

DC Trip Part 2

We are finally home but not without a bit of drama of course. I swear I am like a magnet for it

The rest of our week was just as chaotic as the first few days. We were going non stop from about 6AM to 8PM each day. When they said we would be exhausted by the end of the week they were NOT kidding

The days are starting to run together so I am hoping I get this right. Wed morning we toured this random little jet called AIRFORCE 2!! That was SO.FREAKING.COOL!!! We got to sit in the cockpit, and in VP Biden's seat on the plane. While we were there at the base we also saw Airforce 1 come in to land but President Obama was not on it.

From there we went to the Pentagon and had a tour there. The coolest part of that was being able to spend some time in the 9/11 memorial there. It was very serene there, from the outside we could see the side of the building where the plane crashed, we stood in the area that was covered with debris

We also went to Arlington Cemetery to get a VIP seat for the changing of the guard. That was cool but even COOLER was getting to go into their quarters where they get ready to go out to the tomb. We got to see them get prepped to head out and talked to them a bit too.

Thursday was random do what we wanted day! Our escorts took us to see the White House and then over to the Washington Monument. We also spent about an hour in one of the museums...saw some cool stuff there. Thursday night was the formal banquet where the 6 winners were given a HUGE brass statue that had to be shipped to us, and some other award type things. The banquet was nice but I thought I was going to puke when I had to "escort" Joe down the stairs, through the entire crowd and up on the stage to be introduced.

Friday morning we got up at 4:15 to catch our 5:30 flight. Which got delayed. 4 times. Then got cancelled. this time I was SO tired that I just wanted to get home to my kids. So. We rented a car and drove 6 hours home. Seeing as I don't like to fly anyways it was not a bad deal for me.

This trip was AWESOME. It was a once in a lifetime experience and I am not sure I can ever go back to DC and just see it as a civilian. It was so cool to get the VIP treatment all week. I am so so proud of Joe for being one of the top 6 Airman in the Air National Guard.

That said....It was a long week of being nice to everyone, watching my mouth and kissing the butt's of super important people. That is exhausting. I told Joe that once we got back into Ohio that "The Week Of Joe" was over and all attention was to be focused back on ME. We have been married for 6 years and he had 6 days of all about him. That is an average of 1 day a year. Not too bad right?

Joe coming off of Airforce 2 pretending to be the President

Airforce 1 landing

If you look close you can see the difference in the coloring of the wall, that is where the building had to be rebuilt
More awards

Abe Lincoln's hat on display at the museum.

THE Ruby Slippers Some important guy lives here
So the squirrels in DC are super nice. This little guy was eating a snickers bar out of my hands. So very cute. Much nicer than geese.

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Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Hello from DC!!! Just wanted to throw some pics up and tell you about our trip so far. We got in around 1 on Saturday. It was a 2 xanax flight not a bad flight at all. We got to our SUPER awesome hotel that is right on the Potomac and has all sorts of cool restaurants and shops around. We had nothing scheduled until Sunday so we just walked around and checked the place out, had some awesome dinner and went to bed.

Sunday I was tortured by being sent to a baseball game. Here is a picture showing JUST how exciting this game was

Add that to the fact that I wanted to dig my eyes out with a fork don't care much for baseball and it was 200 degrees out I was not sad when it was over. Sunday night we got to meet up with one of my sorority sisters who lives in this area so I could smooch all over her 4 month old baby. I think I ovulated once or twice while loving on her. Thank God for vasectomies.

Yesterday started the whirl wind madness....we were on a bus to the Pentagon by 8AM. We met some guy who I know was important but unless you are in the military and hear these names all of the time you don't so much know him. After the Pentagon we went to the Air National Guard Museum, toured that and then headed over to the State House to tour THAT. While we are there we walked 5 feet in front of Supreme Court nominee Justice Sotomoyer and her broken ankle.

We got back to the hotel around 5 so that I could cut my feet off at the anklesto chill for a bit. One quick banquet here in the hotel and then we were done around 8.

This morning, woke up to storms, got all gussied up for ANOTHER award banquet only to get downstairs and realize that the other spouses decided to skip the morning practice and meeting with another random important guy and just show up at the banquet here in a few hours. So here I sit!! After the award banquet we get to tour Air Force 2 ( I think that is the one for the VP) and tonight have dinner at a REALLY important guy's house...I paid attention this time....he is in charge of the entire Air National Guard for the country. And I forget his name. The rest of the week is more tours, meetings with random important people.

Apparently my kids are NOT rocking in a corner somewhere crying for me...they are actually having a GOOD time and Mallory has only cried when I call. Oops. I on the other hand am having a harder time than I expected being away from them and probably wont want to do this again for awhile. Enjoy some pics!

Me looking like a cow at the baseball game....

Joe pretending to argue some important legislature at the Pentagon

Joe and the other award winners at the Pentagon

The rotunda at the State House

no description needed I'm sure

In case you are new around here or came aboard AFTER Joe won this award....My husband was selected as the Air National Guard program manager of the year for the Nation. Pretty cool! This trip is where he gets his award!!

Friday, June 5, 2009

I am the bestest most awesome-est wife EVER if I do this....right?

So BFF Liz has informed this this morning that the New Kids on the Block just so happen to be in DC at the same time as ME! Quelle' Coincedence......I had the AWESOME idea to buy tickets and surprise Joe with them. Oh, he would be surprised. I could tell him that they were for know, cuz he won this big award. How thoughtful of me to surprise him with concert tickets while we are away. Wonder what would happen if I actually did this.

I mean that would really only benefit him because I would get all hot and bothered at the concert and.....well, you know. Again, win win for him. I am SUCH a good wife. hmmmmmm

No, I did not actually DO this. Not that I did not think about it. Still waiting on him to call me back so I can ask him if we can go and listen to him say hells no

Off to DC tomorrow!! I will update when I can, pray my little one does not pine away for her mommy while we are gone.....the big one is like "BYE, See you when you get back

PS I had a request from Sara for additional chapters to the "I Hate Geese" saga....I will have to get into this when I get back but the bastard office geese are gone for the season. And no I did not kill them.

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Thursday, June 4, 2009

A Conversation With Pierce

Pierce is one of those kids that will ask you the most RANDOM questions. One's that you don't so much have an answer for so you have to make something up fairly quickly so he does not realize that you do NOT know everything. He also tends to bust out with some interesting thoughts from time to time and those thoughts tend to take him interesting places. This morning was one of those occasions

This morning Mallory was sitting up on the counter and while I was putting her hair up she was holding a lemon and she smelled it. I asked her if she could smell it and Pierce busts out with the following:

"Mommy if you smell something that means it smells bad"

"No bud, if you smell something it can smell either good OR bad and if something smells bad sometimes we say it stinks"

"oh, well the lemon does not stink"

"nope, lemons smell good"

"well you know what DOES stink?"



I thought I was going to die laughing. See, here in Ohio we take our college football pretty seriously and as a graduate from The Ohio State University this makes his mommy proud.

Go Bucks!

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Wednesday, June 3, 2009


Wow, I have 134 followers. I feel like I need to declare today National Leave Cammie A Comment Day because I know that out of all 134 of you only about 20 of you fail to kill a fairy. Not sure what I am talking about? Go read my comment box.

I heart ALL 134 of you and I want to PLAY with you all! I can no longer see my followers here at work (darn filter software gives me a big old HEY WE ARE WATCHING YOU every time I pull up my blog)so come on out of lurk mode so I can see who you are. I know I tend to be a bit scary at times but I promise that (for the most part) I am nice. I don't bite. much.

Don't kill the fairies guys. They are people too.

I have been incognito for a few days now and I have realized that it is because I am a bit stressed about my upcoming trip to DC this weekend. I'm pretty excited about 6 days away with my husband but I'm starting to stress leaving the kiddos. Add that to the fact that I hate to fly and I'm a bit frazzled. I'm hoping that once we actually GET there and I find out that my 3 year old is not rocking in a corner crying for her mommy (I know Pierce will be fine, he is actually excited to spend 6 days with his cousins)I will calm down a bit. If I DO find out that 3 year old is not rocking in a corner crying for her mommy I will probably just stay hammered all week and try not to throw up on anyone important to my husband's job. YES I'm kidding, but it is kind of fun to watch Joe get all twitchy when I tell him that.

Now.....YOU.....go forth and comment. Yep, I am looking at YOU

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Monday, June 1, 2009

Crawdads and Tadpoles and Lizards oh MY

So I generally pride myself on being an indoor type of girl. I don't so much enjoy hiking, or bugs, or getting dirty. Yes, I know, we went camping last weekend....but we slept inside, NOT in a tent...and I went potty in my mom's camper....but I digress.

Yesterday we took the kids to the park (an acceptable outdoor activity) and prior to leaving we cut through a little trail down to the creek (or crick as I like to call it). Down at the creek was a family who CLEARLY enjoyed the outdoors catching all sorts of river nastiness. My kids, not being used to creek critters were fascinated by all of this while I on the other hand was fascinated by the fact that one of their kids was sporting a rat tail....I have not seen one of those since about 1985.

This family had an entire aquarium full of THESE. I will wait until you are finished screaming

I asked the guy who's finger that nasty thing was stuck to what they were planning to do with all of those things and he told me they were going to eat them. And I almost threw up. Before the nasty critters met a boiling end my kids got to touch them...and by kids I mean Pierce. Mallory thought they were super gross, would get close to one and then squeal the the little girl she is and run away. That's my girl. She did touch the tadpole which impressed me. I was not sure what they planned to do with him and I truly did not want to know. They also had a tiny little salamander that Pierce held. He was actually kind of cute.

So here are a few pics from our accidental science lesson. After we left I hosed both of them down in antibacterial gel so they did not catch some unknown strand of critter flu.

On another note....did you Twilight lovers catch the New Moon trailer. Holy crap!! I have watched it about 100 times already. I have not watched the MTV Movie awards in YEARS but I actually stuck around for the entire thing (only to see Edward) and I totally LMAO at Borat putting him bum in Eminem's face. That. Was. Hysterical.

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