The Kids Said WHAT?? Edition: 8

I can't believe it is Thursday already....well, I suppose I can since I slept the first half of the week away. I hope you remembered your kiddo's cute sayings for the week. Once again I only have one good one but it is a doozy.

Last Thursday night Joe and I took the kids to what is called "Literacy Night" at Pierce's school. Curious George was there, they had some crafty type stuff, ect. So we are back in Pierce's class and he is sitting at one of the tables with a little girl who I know he has a bit of a crush on and he is talking to her mommy while coloring.

Pierce (to Melia's mommy) "Melia wants to marry me"
"Oh she does huh?"
"Yeah, she likes to chase me around outside at recess. Jessica and Logan want to marry me too"
"Wow, you must be very popular with the girls"
"Yes, I am. It is because I am so handsome"

I thought every parent within earshot was going to die laughing. My kid seriously does not have issues in the self esteem department.

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The Kids Said WHAT?? Edition: 7

I apologize for my lack of posting last week! This week we are back and I only have one good one for you also said by my nephew Jake who is almost 9 years old. Jake is a very inquisitive kid. He is funny, he talks a lot and he makes me laugh.

This past weekend Joe's side of the family got together to celebrate his mom and dad's 45th wedding anniversary. That is a long time people!! Jake's aunt (my sister in law) was talking about her puppies having just gotten fixed this past week and how they were not feeling so hot. The convo that followed went something like this:

J-"Why do the puppies not feel good?"
B-"Well they had a surgery at the vet"
J-"What kind of surgery?"
B-trying to tap dance around all things related to reproduction "ummmmm, a surgery that will make it so they can't have puppies"
J-"Why cant they have puppies?"
B-"Well we don't want them to be able to have puppies because there are a lot of puppies already in the world" not to mention the fact that the puppies are brother and sister and we don't approve of incest but that is besides the point.
J-"No, I mean WHY can't they have puppies, what did they do?"
B-"ummmmmm, they had a surgery that makes it so their bodies cant have babies"
J-"Oh, so you are telling me that they took her uterus out??"

I thought I was going to crap myself trying not to laugh, as did my sister in law.....funny, here she is trying realllllly hard to avoid an awkward conversation with a child who does not yet know how babies are made but he knows all about the uterus. Hooray for the Discovery Channel

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The Kids Said WHAT??

This is going to have to be quick today because I'm home with a sick little girl who has been coughing her face off all night long. Nothing too bad....I'm guessing it is just the asthma cough...but with us leaving in a few days (see sidebar counter...YEAH!!!) I figure we better get it checked out. She is demanding on a good day so I'm sure today is bound to be a treat. I'm going to bust this out while she is otherwise occupied playing on the computer in the other room

Since my little miss does not feel well I will start with her. She started dance classes yesterday which damn near put me over the edge cuteness wise. I kept calling my mom telling her what they were doing and she was swooning with me. There is not much cuter than a bunch of 3 year olds in tutus and ballet slippers. The other day in preparation for class she spins around with her hands above her head and said....
"Look Mommy, I'm a BARINA" Yes baby, you are a beautiful Barina!

This morning at around 3:45 (the title of my blog is so fitting is it not?)she is coughing so hard it is making her miserable. I told her we needed to go to the Dr later so he can get rid of her cough before we go to Mickey's house. She tells me...."I'm not going to cough in Mickey's face when I hug him mommy" *tear*

On to big brother who has only given me one good one this week and once again it is school related. The other day we had a convo that went like this...
Pierce-"Mommy...every day Mrs Marks writes the word MANNERS on the chalkboard and if we are not listening she erases one letter each time. If we don't have any letters left at the end of the day then we don't get any free time."
Mommy-"Oh yeah? That is a good idea. What do you get to do at free time?"
Pierce- (thinking) "I don't know Mommy....we have not gotten any yet"

God bless Mrs Marks and teachers everywhere.

I'm going to try and pop in one more time before we leave on Sunday!! Link up!!

The Kids Said WHAT?? Edition: 6

I have been paying attention to some of the cute mispronunciations that come out of my kids' mouths lately. Funny thing is that most of them come out of Pierce. He gives me words like "bemember" and "hangurber" and he likes to get his "hangurbers" from Micheal Donalds (McD's)....who is also the guy who had a farm (Micheal Dondald had a farm EIEIO). What sort of jacked up words come out of your kids' (or nieces, or nephews, or other random kids) mouths?

Anyways.....a few things that Pierce said this week that made me giggle....

A few weeks back he mentioned to me how all the girls in his class think he is handsome. Yeah, no image problems with that one. Apparently the girls in his class have all gone bat shit crazy on him because the other day he told me...."Mommy....all the girls in my class want to MARRY me and they like to chase me around outside and tell me they want to MARRY me" Sigh. While I do love me any excuse to have an open bar I'm SO not ready to marry Pierce off. I'm a little "Lifetime Movie-ish" in my desire to keep my babies home with me forever. Just call me Meredith Baxter Birney. But I digress

We have also entered the lovely world of homework. In kindergarten. Last night Pierce had to take a piece of string and go around the house and find 3 things longer, shorter and the same length as his string. Longer....his sister....a chair....his daddy....shorter....the dog....a box of books.....and...."Hey mommy...look your WINE GLASS is shorter than my string." Screw me sideways. Yep, I had left an empty wine glass on the end table the night before and smart kid that he is he noticed that his string was longer than my glass. Needless to say we did not write that on his paper.

Little Miss Mallory. I swear she gets more like me every day. I have yet to decide if that is good or bad. We were snuggling in bed the other morning and Joe was trying to get her up and moving so he could take her to daycare. After the 2nd time of being asked she grabbed me arm that was around her neck, took my hand and put it up to her ear and said....."I don't want to hear daddy"

Playing along? Link up!!!

The Kids Said WHAT?? Edition: 5

Believe it or not I got NOTHING this week. Probably because I was gone a few days, possibly I did have some but then lost them in the loss of those brain cells over the weekend. Either way, it is all up to you this week. No pressure.

The Kids Said WHAT?? Edition: 4

I thought I was not going to have anything good this week but in the last few days they each gave me a few good ones....I even have a middle of the night comment!

Little Miss Mallory....how I would love to get her to stay in her bed all night. How I wish I was not so lazy that I would actually just break the habit instead of letting her in our bed. But hey, I get up early....I can't spend half the night dealing with her screaming. So....probably around 3AM a few nights ago Scarlet (the dog that bites) decided she was cold and wanted to come up and get comfy between Mallory and I. Mallory wakes up and freaks out that Scarlet is there. See, Scarlet does not like to be disturbed when she is sleeping (who does?) and has been known to take a snap at you if you move your feet and touch her. Mallory tells me "You need to MOVE her mommy" and I said, she is fine, just leave her alone. "NO, you need to MOVE her. She is going to bite my toe toes off!!!"

Maybe not off.....

Mallory apparently has a new little boyfriend at daycare. When Joe went to pick her up yesterday she said she needed to go give him a hug before she could leave. As Joe watches, she runs over and hugs him and according to Joe it looked like she kissed him. Of course this gets a reaction out of daddy who tells her "Mallory, you are TOO young to be kissing boys" and she looks at him and says "I did not kiss him daddy, I wiped my snot on him" Wow, she is going to make someone a lucky guy someday.

My big kindergartner Pierce.....he is making so many new friends. Apparently a lot of them are girls because he says to me...."Mommy, I don't know why but ALL the girls like me" I know why.....it is those darn dimples that are going to get him in trouble!!

Pierce also gave me a rated R one this week without even knowing it. I got a tripod a few days ago and I had set it up in the kitchen to put my camera on it and check it out. Pierce decides that he wants to MAKE a little tripod and put a camera on it. Good imagination bud!! So he grabs a few different things out of the toy room and stacks them up and then a few blocks for the camera, and a little cd thingy that goes with some cd player and put it on top...not sure what part of the camera that is supposed to be but before I could ask him he says...."Look mommy, I even put my dick on it" I almost swallowed my tongue coughing. "I'm sorry WHAT?" "See", he says....and points to the CD. "Ohh, your DISC!!!" "Yes mommy...that's what I said" There is NO possible way that he knows what he said but MAN did it give me a good giggle when he walked away.

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The Kids Said WHAT?? Edition: 3

Here we are almost at the end of another week. Time once again to unleash the wisdom of the kids in our lives. Don't forget....it does not have to be YOUR kids. I am looking RIGHT at you Kristina! You are a social worker....don't tell me you don't hear some crazy stuff on a daily basis

My edition is heavy on the Pierce side with him starting school this week. Let's start with day 1

Mommy to Pierce after getting him all dressed for his first day of school "Buddy, go look in the mirror and see how handsome you are in your uniform". Pierce to Mommy "I don't have to, I already KNOW how handsome I am". Well then...it is nice to know he does not have issues in the image department.

Later that day after school he informs me....."Kindergartners say MOM not Mommy...so from now on you will be Mom" Thank GOD that did not stick. I'm so not ready to be just "MOM" yet.

Joe had a conversation with Pierce this week that went something like this...
"Daddy, I know how to speak cowboy"
"You do??"
"Yep, I do. You know the number 9?"
"um, yes, I know the number nine"
"Well in cowboy you say it naaahhhhnn(insert heavy John Wayne accent here"

Only one goodie from Ms Mallory this week. We apparently did not pay her much attention this week with her brother starting kindergarten. The back story is that I told her that she had a froggy in her throat a few weeks ago because she was a little raspy. She literally thought that there was a frog in her throat. Later that week she told me that she had swallowed it and it was now in her belly. Which explains why she told me earlier this week after finishing her poptart...."I gave it to the froggy. He was hungry"

Link up peeps!!!!

The Kids Said WHAT?? Edition:2

It is time for the 2nd edition of "The Kids Said WHAT??" Have you been keeping track of the cuteness this past week?

Pierce......
After kindergarten orientation on Tuesday he asked me if he had to go back to Pre-K at daycare. When I told him yes he responded with "I HATE it there, I don't want to go back" This shocked me because he loves his school, when I asked him why he said "Because I don't WANT to take a nap" Fast forward to today. It is his last day in Pre-K and I am picking him up at lunch so that he can go home with my mom and go to the place we are camping this weekend a day early. When we walk into daycare this morning he announces to all who have ears....."I don't have to take a nap today"

Last weekend while at a party for my friend Kelly a gaggle of geese flew over our heads (I totally looked that word up and find it amusing that GAG is in gaggle).When Pierce noticed the messengers of Satan overhead he turns to me and says "Hey Mommy....look....GEESE" Yes, even my son knows.

Mallory.....
My sweet girl is not overly impressed by anyone whom she does not call Mommy. Some days this is cute, some days I would like to take a crap without her in my lap. I have 3 nephews and along with Pierce those 4 boys think that my mom is the most fascinating and wonderful person EVER. Mallory likes her....but when she leaves my house she is not in tears that maw maw is leaving. It drives my mother INSANE that her only grand daughter does not live and breath for her like the boys do. She spent the night at my house this week and was trying to get Mallory to hug and kiss her good night and Her Majesty was all "ummm, no" My mom proceeds to tell her that as the only grand daughter she is barking up the wrong tree because my mom has DIAMONDS. The next morning as my mom is leaving she tries to entice a hug and kiss out of her and Mallory looked at her and said "I want diamonds"

That's my girl

Link up my friends!!

The Kids Said WHAT?? Edition:1

Good morning and welcome to the first edition of "The Kids Said WHAT?". In keeping with the constant joke that is raising my little heathens angels my children pretty much gave me nothing this past week. Nada. But that is okay because mommy has an endless brain and will just have to pull from there this week. So, although not all of them happened this past week we will just pretend that they did. Hopefully by the end of this blog I will have figured out where and how to add Mr Linky so that you can play along! Oh, and snag the button too....I made it myself thankyouverymuch.

Mallory has given me the following nuggets.....
The other day while hopping onto the potty she bumped her head on the cabinet and in true Mallory fashion proceeded to behave like the world was coming to an end. I told her that she had to calm down so she could go potty and she said....."And then I can cry again??" Thinking that this would be the end of it I replied "Yes baby, and then you can cry again" She stops crying proceeds to go potty, hops down and begins to cry again.

In keeping with this theme....the other day (and this has happened more than once) she was pissed about something and started to cry and after a few minutes I asked her if she was done yet. "NO, I want to cry all day!!!!!!" Well then.

While in the car with my mother my mom asked the kids if they wanted to play the "quiet" game (silly maw maw). She proceeded to say "Ready.....GO" to which Mallory promptly responded....."I'm out!!"

On to big brother Pierce whose 5 year old wisdom never fails to amaze me.
While watching TV with Mallory an infomercial for some sort of toy came on and Mallory said "ohhhh, I want that!!!" and Pierce responded "Mallory....you have to be 18 to order!"

My Ohio State peeps will appreciate this conversation....
"Mommy if you smell something that means it smells bad"
"No bud, if you smell something it can smell either good OR bad and if something smells bad sometimes we say it stinks"
"oh, well the lemon does not stink"
"nope, lemons smell good"
"well you know what DOES stink?"
"what?"
"Michigan"

And lastly this conversation between the two of them about a month ago.....The Setting....my hands are full, Pierce, Mallory and I are heading downstairs to leave for the day when I realized that Mallory's shoes were next to my bed. I asked Pierce if he would please go find them for me since I had other stuff in my hands and off he went to grab them. As soon as he catches up to us (and I should have known better) her majesty says "NO, I want to find them!!!!!!!"

Pierce looks in total annoyance at his sister. Drops them right there on the floor in the hallway and said...."There.....find them."

And walked away.

Here's hoping that they actually give me something to use for next week so I don't have to go digging. Punks.