Saturday, January 10, 2009

The Tale of the Dragon and the Queen




Our tale begins 3 years ago many years ago in Ohio a land far far away.

There once was a worn out working mom a beautiful Queen who was married to a worn out working dad handsome King. They lived in a 2 story house beautiful castle and had a sweet little prince who was at the time of this tale a wee 2 and a half years old. The beautiful Queen was so pregnant she wanted to die soon to soon to give birth to a beautiful Princess. In our tale the beautiful Queen had a job where she worked because they had to pay the bills out of the joy in her heart to serve others.

One day, on the last day of the Queen's service before being cut open blessed with the arrival of the princess the Queen found herself locked out of her darn car unable to get into her her white stage coach due to her own stupidity evil trolls putting a locking charm on it. The Queen was royally pissed very distressed and she called the King to come to her rescue. The King was unable to get to her and reminded her that there was a spare key magic wand kept beneath the stage coach for just this purpose that would break the evil spell.

Our fair Queen being fat and swollen beautifully rounded with her baby was unable to get down on the ground and reach under the stage coach for the wand though she tried with all her might. Meanwhile in the pond next to her stage coach an evil goose dragon was watching all of this with evil thoughts in his heart. He wanted to kill the Queen....he did. He slowly advanced on her while she was trying to reach the magic wand and began hissing his face off taunting our beautiful queen. Finally after many minutes of the stalking her, the Queen, now very distressed told him to fuck off kindly asked him to spare her life. The Queen was beginning to think she would never get back to the castle when a lady out on a smoke break wonderful fairy came along having heard the Queen cussing at the Goose like a fool plea with the evil dragon to leave her be. She was able to reach the magic wand and our Queen was able to return to the castle.

2 years later our Queen still tired...2 kids now living her blessed life with the King, Prince and Princess was once again heading back to the castle after a day of working in insurance serving others out of the need to pay daycare the goodness of her heart. She was heading to her new and improved mini van stage coach when she noticed the same damn goose evil dragon slowly heading her way. At first he came at her slowly...quietly....she watched him, unsure what his intentions were. He hissed growled at the Queen and she was beginning to once again fear for her life. All of the sudden the goose dragon took flight and flew straight at the Queens' face honking roaring loudly at her, fire flaming out of his mouth. In fear the Queen screamed. Armed with a Kate Spade bag a mighty sword given to her by the King to protect herself she did the only thing she could do and swung that bag up over her head raised her sword and nailed his ass with it just before he hit her in the face slayed the dragon just as he was set to kill her. The dragon lost some feathers and flew back to the pond fell. Dead.

Later that night at the castle. After everyone she knew had made fun of her tales of her bravery had reached far across the land the Queen realized that she was missing her 30G video iPod magic music box that she had in her Kate Spade bag close to her at the time of the attack. Frantically she went back to the place she had been working that day and looked all around for her magic music box as it was one of her most treasured possessions. Alas the magic music box was missing...her one hope was that someone had found it and would turn it into the lobby return it to her.

The next day....she was giving her time once again to the insurance company the people of her land when she was sent a message from the receptionist a messenger that someone had FOUND her beloved music box and it was waiting for her to pick up. With joy the queen ran to collect her music box...only to find that someone had ran it over it had been destroyed. Alas, in the chaos that was the attack on the dragon her magic music box had fallen out of her purse and had been ran over by another stage coach. The queen was so sad for she loved her music box.

Upon returning to the castle that night, saddened by the loss of her music box she pleaded with the King to please let her buy another one make her a new one. The king knowing he would never hear the end of it loved the queen SO much that he set out to buy make her a new one right away....80G BOO YA more beautiful then the last. The beautiful Queen was happy once more after 3 to 5business days.

And the beautiful, brave Queen lived happily ever after.

133 people fed my need for attention:

Kelly Syferd

LMAO. Only you, Cammie. Fockin Goose.

Netter

You have quite a flair for the dramatic! Great story, great post. I literally was laughing out loud. Thanks for sharing your tale of woe.

Megan

LMAO!! I SO remember when this happened. I mean, how could we not? :0P

The Wife O Riley

LMAO!!! That stupid goose did it on purpose to make you lose your IPod! I am sure it was his plan. Luckily you were able to get another one, foiled again GOOSE!

Janna

I have to agree with you- great post. Also been attacked by a goose before. They are vicious!

Amy

LMAO Cammie. We will relive that story over and over again.

Kristina P.

Holy crap! I feel like I was right there next to you!

pam

You had me laughing, what a great story.

One to put in the scrapbook. LOL

Yaya

Literally LOL!!!! Love this!!!

Hula's Secret Blog

You always gotta please the Queen! Glad your King knows that life lesson!

The Rambler

OMG...I'm laughing so hard and if that were me, I'd have screamed like a fat lady being told food no longer existed. (I say this because I WILL scream, if that ever happened)

THIS story is why I am scared. I'm so telling my husband my fear of birds might not be so farking ridiculous!

sandy

Stopped by from SITS to say Hi=)Omg that was so funny!

3 Bay B Chicks

Cammie, that was seriously one of the best posts I have read in a long time. I can't believe that you had not one, but two, run in's with a goose. Evil, evil creature. I feel your pain as someone who has been frightened to near death by that animal on more than one occasion.

Did your Kate Spade bag suffer any damage? :)

-Francesca

Tabitha Blue

ROFL!!! Love it!!!


:)
~Tabitha~

freshmommyblog.com

WineLover

OMG - too funny!
I'd have gone back with a shotgun for the "dragon"!!!

Sarah

OMGosh! I was LMAO! How did I miss this post?

LOL! (Yeah, I'm still chuckling).

Jim Brochowski

I always thought the real weapon of choice for a goose, er um I mean dragon is a 4 iron.

I have vanquished many on the golf course.

Clearly, I was mistaken, and my victories over the goose, er um I mean dragon could have been that much sweeter.

Very entertaining - laugh out loud funny.

Lori

LOL! Great story! Glad to hear that the goose didn't hurt you (and hopefully your Kate Spade bag was unharmed too)

LegalMist

Awesome tale of danger and royal bravery! Long live the Queen!

Greg

When did the queen partake in the wine...I mean magical elixir, to forget her woes?

Bee and Rose

HILARIOUS!!! What the heck is it with geese, I mean dragons, and pregnant Queens? When I was pregnant 11 years ago, a goose wandered into my laundry room and nestled in the laundry piled on the floor. I picked it up and promptly pee'd me panties! I have hated geese ever since!

Love your blog! Will be back for more!

Oh, and Ohio girls rock...(born in Circleville, home of the world famous Pumpkin Show..whoo hoo!)

smiles!

BPOTW

I LOVE this! It was so clever. And funny. And I'm in awe that you have this kind of talent.

So, did the purse suffer damage? Goose poop? You know he's after you now? And way to go King! Truly a knight in shining armor.

Lana

Oh my goodness. This is one of the funniest posts I have ever read!! Well done!!

Seeker

all i can say is KEEP WRITING...hilarious and good. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN...

Aileigh

LOL!!!! :) Great visual!

Kim

Hail to the Kate Spade bag. You should have served that sucka up for dinner.

Kathy

You should write a book, really, I would buy it, read it, send it to all my sisters and friends...notice they aren't the same...ha ha...that's about the best story I have ever heard...will tell everyone about your blog...all three friends...ha ha.

queenbee4

So hilarious! You need to read my post entitled Pancake Gurl Strikes Again....

I think we might be sisters or something.

Cindy

OMG, that is hilarious!!! Around my area, we have some of the geese, but we also have seagulls. they are more determined that geese, and I swear, they just like to crap on your head for giggles. Damn them!
Thanks for visiting my blog! I hope your friends child is doing well.

aditi

Oh Man! too funny, too good!
But i guess youve heard that, huh?
Anyways, gr8 post.

Housewife Savant

This is delightfully clever. LOVED it!

Kris

Too funny! I absolutely love the way this was written!

Vanessa

Oh my goodness, Cammie, I loved it, that was so funny, I actually forgot for a fleeting moment that my house is completely destroyed and that's excatly what I set out to do when I got on the computer knowing i should be working!!! Kudo's to ya sista!!!!

Cindy @ Chalk it Up!

You have quite a talent for writing! I so admire that.

Yes, geese can be a real pain in the a$$. Thankfully we don't see too many down here in Florida. But those damn mockingbirds...

parentingBYdummies

That was awesome! So perfectly written; just like a real fairy tale. Glad you posted this one, he sheds some light on the whole goose hate thing. Enjoy your SITS day:)

Tammy Howard

Brilliant!

Pam

That was awesome! You rock!

Christy

Too funny!!!

roadrunner201

Love it! Feeling your pain, uh, I mean blessings, and I only have one kid!

Equidae

loved it heheh

Mighty M

What a great story!!

James' Mommy

So funny!

adiaha

ing over forom SITS and I Love this tale! I love the drama and intrigue....

Queenie Jeannie

LOVED IT!!!

And yes hun, geese are VERY mean and territorial!! A good smackdown was probably just what he needed too.

Yeah on your new IPod, lol!

Queenie Jeannie

Oh yeah, and I'm totally swiping your pretty castle banner shown on this post. Fair warning.

Rebecca is Thrilled by the Thought

Hilarious. I was wondering why you hate geese. This fills in the puzzle quite nicely.

Pamela

Hysterical! LMAO....Happy SITS day!

Jessica

Great post! Happy SITS!!

Kelly Deneen

Oh my goodness! You tell the best fairy tales ever!! LOL. Happy SITS day. :)

Superjaxster

So that explains your sincere hatred of geese...er, dragons. Very funny post - I enjoyed reading it!

Lacie E.

Nothing is better than tea coming out my nose from laughing so early in the morning ha ha!

Lani

funny!!
happy sits day!

Niki

Happy SITS day!

Cute story.

Karen ~Georgia Angel

Congrats on being chosen as SITS Featured Blog today! Hilarious tale! A good way to start my day.

B

OMG you are hilarious lady! Over from SITS and will be back very soon - TOO FUNNY :o)

Robin

funny....

Leah

Funny!

Congrats on your SITS day. :)

jori-o

That is hysterical! You've got a real talent!!

Nancy

Congratulations on being SITS queen for a day! I'm new to SITS and this was the first blog I've read. I thoroughly enjoyed it!

Anita

Cammie!! I was rolling with this story, you are so effing funny!!
Dang woman, does it take a lot of time to use HTML to strike all that crap out?
What a talented woman you are, and I hate most birds, unless they keep their distance.

Rebecca

Hilarious! Hopefully the evil goose, ahem, dragon, will no longer bother you!

Greta @ What Works For Mama

This is so creative and hilarious! Thanks for taking the time to write it.

Happy SITS day :)

Alex the Girl

Huzzah! (Good job)

aforestfrolic

oh my goodness, my mum was attacked (and bitten) by a goose when she was little and still has a scar. I always make fun of her for it and point out the geese when we see them, tee hee...I know, so bad! Cute story.

Jamie :)

Brandy

OH what a fairytale - i'm glad it ended with happily ever after.

happy sits day.

Marrdy

OK, this is the post that makes me KNOW that I have been here before...but no comment from me. I must be a snob!! So sorry. I hate Geese....HATE HATE HATE! Glad you lived through this awful time!

Mommyof2girlz

That was the best Fairy Tale I have read in awhile...LOL! Geese are no joke, their just vicious! Stopping in from SITS enjoy your day :)

Tonya

Love this! LMAO!!! You are a great story teller for sure! Happy SITS day!

Christiana

LMAO! So hilarious! Have you ever considered creative writing as a second career? You'd be fantastic at it!
Happy SITS day!

Brooke

HA! Great story! :) Happy SITS day!

Robbie S. Redmon, LPC

Funny stuff! Happy SITS Day!

Pricilla

Happy SITS day.

Geese can be vicious. Some attacked the male person when he was running when he lived in NJ. A whole flock of them!

Joy

What a hilarious writer you are!

Congrats on your SITS day!

Katie

This is hilarious! You are a great story teller!

Tiffany

Fantastic! Loved it!

ZenMom

LOL! Great story. Happy SITS Day! :)

Tricia McWhorter

Now THAT was my kind of fairytale. WONDERFUL!!!

Alicia

OMG too funny! Crazy psycho geese!! Happy SITS day!

Mary at My New 30

Funny!! You certainly have a talent for humor.

Enjoy your SITS day!

Jessica

A goose attacked me and my son once. I screamed and snatched him up in my arms, then thought, "Wait, I'm not going to let some stupid goose scare me!" So I ran after it flapping my arm and yelling at it until it jumped into the river...

Stupid goose.

Michelle Sybert

wow! What an "adventure"!

Manders

That is hilarious! You are so creative.

Tricia

This is such a great post! What a funny story, and an even more creative way of telling it!

Stoppin by from SITS!

Allyson

Such a cute story! Loved it!

Little Miss Baker

How funny and creative!! haha Happy Sits Day my friend :)

Stereos and Souffles

You are like goose bait, they can't resist you!
Great story.

Ri. Short for Maria. Not pronounced like the bread.

I have never in my life been so grateful to have a Kate Spade bag as I am now. And, dude - mine is a DIAPER bag - I bet I could take on two at a time!!

(Great post - loved it. :) )

Signed,
A SITsta who also worked in Insurance, but thankfully for a company too cheap - er, frugal for a pond...

Ginee Scabrough

You have inspired me to tell the mad rooster story!! TO-DAy.

carma

I am glad there was a happy ending :D

Holly Noelle

Ha ha ha! You put a smile on my face! Happy SITS day!

Geese are evil.

Tara

LOL!!! That's best thing i've read ALL DAY LONG!!!!!!!!! actually all week! awesome post! LOL~

Amy

Way cute! i hate geese too.

Danemama08

HAHA, best story I have read in a long time. I too am a hater of the geese! My Aunt has 2, and everytime I go over there they attack me. Stupid things. Im so making my WH read this when he gets home!!

Krissy

Haha! Very fun!

(army)Wife

SO HILARIOUS! I'm still laughing!

I was attacked by a Rooster once, so I can feel your pain.

Yaya

Yup, I still remember this one! Always a classic!

Becca

This is too funny!!
You're very creaative!

June Freaking Cleaver

Tinkerbell will live, if I have anything to say about it. Great post! I'm glad you had a happy ending. This is my first SITS comment...it's a proud, proud day for me.

Mercedes

Definitely better written than I could ever do. Happy Sits day!

Brandy

LOL! The goose really have it out for you. No wonder you don't like them.

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati

what a funny story! I don't know why I didn't hear that in my childhood days?!!

The Mom @ Babes in Hairland

LOL - that is hilarious! I mean -really sad. I won't tell you then, that my oldest daughter is nick named "Goose"! But I can guarantee she wouldn't do anything like that to you! Thanks for the fun story & Happy SITS day to you! :)

TanishaRenee

Oh my goodness, I totally love the way you've written this! Thanks for the chuckles!

Amanda @ Serenity Now

Funny post! :) Happy SITS Day!

NYC Mama

Truly funny stuff!!! :-D

Zeemaid

that was hysterical. Great story telling!

Happy SITS day!

Prep-E Girl

Hahaha!

The airlines should hire you! ;)

Happy SITS day!

-E

Lizz

Too funny!!!!!

Hillbilly Duhn

LOL! Literally! Loved it!!

Happy SITS day!!

Aleta

Loved the --------- lined out comments and the "corrections" - LMAO

Why Mom Drinks Rum

Aww, too cute! Geese suck.

Happy SITS day!

Clare

This was so excellent. You make me look like a blogging idiot you are so talented. greetings from SITS

Jen

Hi, Visiting from SITs and loved your tale. I am so glad it had a happy ending.

"FINE"al thoughts...

This was such a clever post! Happy SITS day!

Mikki Black

Congrats on your SITS feature, and thanks for a pleasant, entertaining yarn.

dddiva

Hahahaha very entertaining. Glad I came by from SITS.

Jeannie Finelli, RN

I loved this! Your post reminded me of a tale in "Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit" by Jeanette Winterson.

Thanks for the laughs!

Juliet Grossman

OMG this is so funny. I admit I've had a glass of wine but I am wiping tears from my eyes. I love "lady on her smoke break" lol.

Mom Taxi Julie

LMAO I love it!

lynn

What a fun story! Happy SITS day!

greedygrace

Love it! LOL!

Happy SITS Day!

Anne

I love the way you wrote this! What a great story!

The Redhead Riter

Happy SITS day.

SUCH AN ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS STORY.

:o)

Vickie

Geese are mean! They have an attitude! At a petty farm once my daughter was giving them some food and it started to charge and squak at us.

Happy SITS day!

Aubrey

Love it, love it, LOVE it!

LOL

Sharon and Billy Blanks Jr.

I'm so glad I read this.! Was going to do other work first.LOL! Hilarious! Love your blog!

Rbarakat

Super cute post!Too funny!

Michelle

Very creative!!!!

Weird goose...I mean dragon.

Rachael

We used to live in an apartment complex w/swans. Scary giant swans. They used to chase cars.

Charmaine @ randalswife

I totally laughed. Out loud!

Haley

That story was original and very funny, good read!

http://haleycalifornia.blogspot.com

shortmama

Hilarious!

Say Anything Notes

congrats on your feature. you earned it! i'm playing catch up...hence the late comment! love it. ;)

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