An interview with mommy. By Pierce (5) and Mallory (2.5)

I had to do this one........

What is something mommy always says to you?
Pierce-Listen
Mallory-Minnie Mouse

2. What makes mom happy?
Pierce-When people listen
Mallory-Minnie Mouse

3. What makes mom sad?
Pierce-When people don't listen (I'm seeing a theme here)
Mallory-rain

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
Pierce-tickling
Mallory-uuuummmmm

5. What was your mom like as a child?
Pierce-Happy and Little
Mallory-a baby

6. How old is your mom?
Pierce-17 (sigh, underage drinking AGAIN)
Mallory-3

7. How tall is your mom?
Pierce-15 feet
Mallory-um 6 (I'm sorry kids but you have both overbid....Mommy is only 5.1)

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Pierce-go on vacation
Mallory-dishes

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
Pierce-go to work
Mallory-round and round and round and round (this is about where I lost her attention....clearly)
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
Pierce-I don't know (thanks bud)
Mallory-Mickey Mouse

11. What is your mom really good at?
Pierce-scrapbooking
Mallory-dishes

12. What is your mom not very good at?
Pierce-cooking (yeah I got nothing......he is right)
Mallory-spiders

13. What does your mom do for a job?
Pierce-work on the phone
Mallory-dishes

14.What is your mom's favorite food?
Pierce-asparagus (eh, at least he did not say wine)
Mallory-carrots (not even close)

15.What makes you proud of your mom?
Pierce-giving hugs and kisses
Mallory-ummmmm

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Pierce-Minnie Mouse
Mallory-Minnie Mouse

17. What do you and your mom do together?"
Pierce-go to the movies
Mallory-color

18. How are you and your mom the same?
Pierce-our skin
Mallory *makes strange noise that I don't understand*

19. How are you and your mom different?
Pierce-we don't have the same clothes
Mallory-*another weird noise*

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
Pierce-hugs and kisses
Mallory (shouting) I love you whole wide world

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
Pierce-when you got married last year (um, try 6 years ago)
Mallory-flowers

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
Pierce-to the movie theater
Mallory-to Mickey's house

Kids were not on their game with this one. I expected much more randomness.

Speaking of the kids and all things Mickey.....we took them to Disney on Ice last Thursday night. To say they had fun is an understatement. I thought PIERCE would be the one needing a change of close he was THAT excited. I have not put the pics up yet so here is a visual....

*tons of kids everywhere....most dressed like some sort of Disney princess
*tons of kids annoying their parents with their $20 spinny things that light up
*tons of kids completely flipping their shit each time a new character came out
*tons of kids melting down on their way out of the arena because it is past most bedtimes

It really was awesome and made me even that much more excited about our trip this fall. It will be their 2nd time and Pierce remembers our first trip but Mallory will be really into it this time.

My Parenting Skillllzzzzz

I know that it may be a hard concept to stomach but I truly am deserving of an award for Mother of the Year. At the very least a nomination.

Just a few of the tools that I use in raising my children…..

Negotiation -Children cannot truly develop without learning the art of negotiation. It is important in their adult life so they may as well learn it at an early age. Who’s to say that M&Ms for crapping the potty cannot someday translate to $$ for the crap you will produce in your career?

Learning to respect authority: For instance the following conversation with Pierce
"Why do you always get to tell me what to do"
"Because I'm the boss"
"Who do I get to be the boss of?"
"sorry bud, you don't get to be the boss of anyone"
"Can I be the boss of Mallory?"
"No" "Can I be the boss of the dogs?"
"No bud, Scarlet bites remember....she is the boss"
"Well, I cannot wait until I grow up so I can be the boss of myself"

The Art of persuasion—Mallory is WAY better at this then her brother—one day as we were on the couch with her up my ass snuggling….
"I want my milk"

"It's right there, go get it"

"I want Pierce to get it" (I wan Piewce did it)

"Pierce is not going to go get it Mallory, it is RIGHT there, get it yourself"

"I want Pierce to get it"

"No"

And then…..Pierce all exasperated gets up, sighs very loudly walks over to get the milk, shoves it in her direction and says "HERE Mallory" and sits back down. To which Mallory says..."thank you Pierce" (tank you Piewce")

Family togetherness.-There is more bed hopping in my house then in a brothel. Most nights Mallory is in bed with us by midnight because quite frankly….I'm a bitch if I don’t get enough sleep and I don’t have the energy to fight with her in the middle of the night. However, because I am getting to the point where I am over this…..her new big girl bed MIGHT have to come with straps

These are just a few things that I practice daily with my children. After all, they ARE the future of our world.

PS----if you need a kozy pal cart cover.....and trust me you DO then click HERE. She is having a 50% off sale just today!!!! Im getting ready to order one for a gift today with my gift certificate I won last month! Makes a great gift!! I never went anywhere with mine without getting asked about it.

I am an open book

Thanks for playing Q&A with me. I got some good questions out of you! So, without further ado.....it's time to play What do you want to know about Cammie.......

Kami wants to know---"How did you choose the names of your children?" Actually, we had BOTH of our children picked out before they were even conceived. I had Pierce's name in the back of my mind before I even met Joe. It is my mother's maiden name. Had he been a girl we were going with Anna after Joe's grandmother. Joe picked out Mallory's name from guess where......"what will we do baby....without us......sha na na na na" Had she been a boy her name would have been Jack.

JananaBee asks....."Are you going to have any more children?" Well Janna let me put it to you this way.....Joe is no longer capable of knocking me up. I on the other hand can have another baby anytime I want to also have a divorce.

Crazy girl BeeAndRose had a few questions for me...."how much wine does it take to get you seriously wasted these days" Well Ms BeeAndRose my answer might surprise you.....I actually can cap a nice buzz on 2 glasses of wine. Based on my antics of my Jersey Train Wreck weekend to get seriously wasted I need 2 xanax and a full bottle of wine. She also wanted to know "The weirdest thing you have ever done while drinking wine?" I stole a very large plant from BW3 once in college (this is a wings type eating place) Very large. Walked right out the door with it. "Are you a cheap wino or do you lean toward pricier wines????" For the most part I am an equal opportunity wine drinker. I stay away from the likes of Boone's Farm though. "red, white...which do you prefer...box or bottle?????" Ahhh the good old days of boxed wine....or as I liked to call it.....a party in a box. I'm mostly a red drinker but I also like white.

TheBookKitten asks...."...how would you react when you finally got some sleep in your house?" Since she is new to my blog I wont tell her that me getting some sleep would misalign the cosmos and thus make the world disappear like the island on Lost. Kitten....truth be told, I would probably implode.

Yaya wants to know What my favorite color is and how I met my husband. Well yaya....I can't tell you my favorite color.....that is WAY to personal. However I will tell you about meeting Joe....I had just gotten dumped by some asshole when my aunt decided to start nagging me to meet this guy she worked with. I kept telling her I did not need my AUNT to hook me up with a boy thankyouverymuch. Finally....to shut her up humor her I decided to meet her out with a bunch of other people including Joe. We were engaged 7 months later. Um, thanks Aunt Janice.

Jineen asks...."When did I get my Uggs and what kind do I have" Joe got them for me last Dec for my bday---I have the kind that give your feet orgasms when you put them on. I mean...I have THESE ones

She also wanted to know "Where is the craziest place I have ever done the deed" That would be the library that I worked at in college. oh the irony of the book loving girl getting busy in the library....WAIT.......this story is not true at all. I saved myself for marriage. uh huh. sure did. "Would you like to write a book? What kind?" I would like to. I would have NO idea how to do it. Believe it or not I would like to write a children's book. And why oh WHY could I have not been the person who thought up Brown Bear Brown Bear....that book is SO not rocket science. Jineen also asks if I enjoy celebrating the holidays and if they include wine...... Yes, I LOVE Christmas, Thanksgiving, ect. I love when my entire family gets together. And yeah, there is generally a bottle of wine in my purse somewhere.....

Bee and Rose is back.....this time with "Why did you choose your wedding date? Was it based on time of year? Time off work?" We knew we wanted to get married in the fall sometime. I picked Oct because it usually has the best fall weather.

TheWifeORiley throws in...."Describe the worst trip you have been on" Thankfully I have always had great vacations (knocking on wood here) However....back in 2000 I had to go to my companies corporate office for a week of training. This normally would not have been a bad thing...I had been the year before and had a decent time. This week however....sucked. I wound up with some random roommate from another branch....so I spent a week in a hotel room with someone I had never met (and it was not even scandalous....) PLUS we had a tornado one night....so we were ushered sans bra and makeup in the middle of the night with all of these co-workers into the hotel hallways. Good times that trip.

Francesca at 3BayBChicks wants to know how my parents came up with my name. There is no excitement behind this at all. My dad saw it in a book he was reading. My middle name is after my grandmother.

In keeping with the "Year of the Hula" Hula wants to know what I have done for ME lately. Well, I took a couple of girly trips in the last 6 months, plus some scrap booking here locally. Mostly I just try and get a little book time in every day

Alexis wants to know my most embarrassing moment. Well I actually have TWO. One that had the potential to really suck, and one that DID really suck. Before I started working where I do full time I spent 3 summers as an intern. My very first summer was back when we still had to wear panty hose.....one afternoon I came out of the bathroom with my hose stuck in the back of my dress. HAWT. Thankfully the ONLY person who saw me and thus came to my rescue (Jodi I know you read...do you remember this?) was my friend Jodi who YEARS later would become my roommate. Bless you Jodi. God forbid anyone random see my panties. Without having bought me a drink first. Fast forward a few years....I am late for class in one of the biggest lecture halls on campus. This classroom has steps that are far apart...you know....one step, walk a few feet, another step. Got the visual? Good. Now picture me falling down one of the steps. In the middle of the lecture. The professor actually had to control himself so that he did not laugh at me. Awesome.

Heather asks me...."How long have you been scrap booking? Who is your favorite scrapbooker (famous one, that is)? Have you ever gone on a scrappin' retreat? If yes, where?" I actually started scrap booking before I knew what it was. I'm talking slap some construction paper down in an album with sticky pages and cut some pictures out to add. I did not get serious about it until about 2001. I don't really know that many famous scrappers so I will have to go with YOU.....you Heather are my favorite famous scrapbooker....and you are famous because of the 86 followers that read my blog who know that you made me a kick ass book for my girls weekend. I have been on a few retreats.....here in Ohio in Amish country with some friends...we stayed in a beautiful hotel with about 4 wineries nearby....thus my fondness for "scrapdrinking"

And finally.....a new blog friend Tooj wants to know the funniest conversation that I have had with Pierce. Those of you who know me here in the real world know that this is an every day occurrence with him. One of my all time favorites though had to be regarding an old hat of his. Please take note of the following:

I have no clue what he is doing in this picture but it is the best example of him in his Gap hat. Please note that it is about a second away from popping right off his head. He is probably late 3 early 4 in this picture and he wore this hat EVERYWHERE for a good 2 years. One day I was trying to explain to him that it no longer fit. The conversation went something like this.

"Hey bud, come here...I want to show you something. points to the size tag inside his hat that says 18-24 months See this tag right here? This tag says that this hat fits you if you are TWO years old. You are not two years old are you??"

Pierce points to the OTHER tag inside his hat....the one I never cut out that says "please remove before wearing...I think it was the security tag "See this tag right here mommy? This tag says it fits" He then promptly put his hat on and walked away from me.

WHEW. That took a loooooong time. If you decide to play this on your blog, please let me know so I can come ask you some questions too!!

Two Big Old Shout Outs!!!

I need to shout out a few of my favorite bloggers that I just so happened to WIN give-a-ways from. Now if I can just win the lottery.....

anyways.....Jenny from Jenny and the Princess Peonies awarded me a Target gift card for playing a little trivia on her blog a few weeks back. Thank you much girlfriend....I see a new book or some scrapping stuff in my future.

A few months back I entered a contest that Heather from "This is the Day" held. It was for one of 3 handmade items....I remember one was a set of cards, I forget the 2nd....and then a scrapbook made by her. I won the scrapbook! Now, as a scrapper myself I had to think for a few about what kind of book I wanted her to make for me. I then remembered that I had an awesome Girlfriends Weekend coming up and that is just the sort of thing that I would not take the time to scrap myself since I am always so darn busy doing the kids stuff. So when Heather asked me what theme I would like my book to be I decided on a "girlfriend" theme.

Guys, this book was well worth the wait! Heather put SO much time and thought into this and I absolutely LOVE it (Heather I know you told me to lie if I did not like it but come on, you HAVE to know me better than that by now...I am nothing if not honest) I flipped through the pages and while reading some of the friendship quotes I actually teared up a little thinking about how perfect it was for my weekend away and how much I miss those darn girls. My favorite quote....."A friend is one who will bail you out of jail, a BEST friend will be sitting there next to you saying MAN that was fun" I might of butchered the quote but you get the idea. Thank you SO much Heather! I can't wait to put it all together and when I do I will get some pics posted here so you can see what I did with it! You are awesome!!

Once again....putting off Q&A until tomorrow.....I want to be sure these ladies get all the attention today!

Oh yes I DID buy a snuggie

***This blog post is dedicated to the fabulous KristinaP Who made me accept that there is no shame in owning a Snuggie***

I did it. I bought a Snuggie. Don't judge me. You don't know what it was like week after week hearing KristinaP talk about her love for the Snuggie, seeing all the wonderful ways that she uses her Snuggie to better her life. In fact, just over the weekend she took her Snuggie to meet TONS of other bloggers at a brunch. Imagine that....bonding over the blanket with sleeves.....bringing bloggers together.....what a beautiful world we live in.

My Snuggie even came with a book light. So while I am reading in my Snuggie I can have the perfect lighting......sigh.....

There is however a small problem. And by small I mean about 40lbs.

Upon seeing my Snuggie Pierce gleefully announced......"Mommy!!! You bought me a SNUGGIE!!!! Now I can read a book, and work the remote...and still stay WARM"

He then proceeded to hold my Snuggie hostage for the remainder of the day.

Once again I am suffering from Snuggie envy. Perhaps I should just put my robe on backwards and shut up.

I did get to wear my snuggie for a bit last night while watching my boyfriend Edward on the Oscars.....I am happy to report that in no way does the Snuggie interfere with my ability to life the wine glass to my mouth. In fact.....it may have made the experience so much better......as I did not have to remove my arm from the confines of a blanket and risk a chill in doing so. Long live the Snuggie.

PS---I'm not posting my Q&A post until tomorrow.....so you can still ask away if you so desire....and FINE....mommy board friends...I will entertain your questions, just don't be assholes. MMMMWAH!!!

What do you REALLY want to know?

I'm entertaining the thought of doing a q&a like I keep seeing everywhere. Do I really think I am that exciting? Not so much, however this could be fun. So, email me at thewinequeen@gmail.com or leave me a comment here and we'll see if maybe I cant make it worthwhile.

One rule.....if you have met me in real life....ahem, mommy board friends.....you can't play.....you girls know me inside and out anyways......

Ask away..........

TGIF!!!! Purse Tag!

Do me a favor and go visit my bloggy friend Shannon. She has had a craptastic week and wants some pick me up comments. She is shooting for 25 but I bet we can get her more than that!!

Megan tagged me for that "purse" thing that is floating around. I took the pics and everything and then promptly forgot to download them at home. So we are going to play the "use your imagination version" (sorry Megan)

My purse.....picture it.....it is black.....and it is Prada.....I got it at a purse party so you KNOW it is authentic right.......

Inside.....

-a bottle of calcium pills-I say "no thank you" to osteoporosis

-2 wallets....because I am too lazy to finish the switch. One is a REAL Kate Spade...also bought at a purse party so once again....super authentic, the other is a cute little Vera Bradley wristlet thingy

-A ticket stub to my 2nd viewing of Twilight....Don't judge...it just never made it to the trash can

-An albuterol inhaler--from when I had bronchitis earlier this year

-2 lip glosses and 2 lipsticks. I am obsessed with lip color yet I never remember to put it on

-xanax AND RX strength IBP.....for my good days

-4 tubes lip ointment....Aveeno, Burts Bees, Neosporin and Keihls for you really nosy peeps

-Assorted Feminine Needs

Surprisingly that is all, but I recently switched purses so I am low on the random stuff.

Have a fabulous weekend! My plans are to find some sort of "art project" for my kids to do for their day care art show. The projects were due today. Mother of the Year.

I just realized that I forgot to TAG people for the purse thing. Excuse me while I hit publish post.

Good morning class. Today we are going to talk about poop.

I am going to focus on 3 "beings" that live in my house where this topic is concerned but before I do that......

THIS is Pierce. I feel like he does not get enough attention on this blog and it is not because I like his sister more then him but more because the kid is mostly so laid back that all he does is color and there is no way to make fun of that. True, he is the kid who respects sleep the least and gets up at dark o clock every day but other then that I've got nothing on him these days...I'm sure his time will come.

Now, back to poop. First up on my list of course is Mallory. Poor thing is such an easy target. Unless you are new to the House of No Sleep you know that I am in the throes of potty training hell. This is more a funny story then a complaint....I have tried everything to get this kid to poop on the potty. Yet every night she would continue to call me into her room 5 minutes after putting her to bed in a diaper because she has pooped in it. You see that little Disney widget up there in the corner.....this kid LIVES for Mickey Mouse. Last weekend I tell her....."we are NOT going to Mickey's house until you poop in the potty" Her response...."I don't want to go to Mickey's house, I want to stay home"

Fast forward to the next day. We lay down to take a nap (yes WE...they say to sleep when your baby sleeps not my fault she is almost 3) and she tells me she has to go potty. I take her into the bathroom, put her on the potty and by what could ONLY be a total accident she poops. Man if you could see the fuss I made....dancing around like a mad woman cheering her on. She can now see that the potty will NOT eat her if she poops in it so she goes to work another one out. This is where I wish I had a recording....because in the midst of grunting (and girlfriend was really working on this one) she says "ugghhhhImGoingToMickey'sHouseurrghhhh" okay, I cannot do this justice in words but let's just say that hearing her say that in the middle of "pushing" almost made ME shit myself.

Ever since then she is a pooping machine. The only thing is.....she wants me to "hold" her while she is doing it. As in, sit on a stool (haha, stool) next to her and hold her hands while she does her business. Really? Are we are on a date here? I wont complain though, we are one step closer to being DONE with diapers which then means more money to be spent on wine.

Next up. Stitch. The 4.5lb ball of terror. He is another one in my house who refuses to potty train. yeah, he almost a year and a half old. What kind of dumb ass dog cannot get it by then? Oh yeah....mine. He IS pretty good about going to the door to go outside to pee but for some reason....he prefers to take a big old crap every day in the same spot of my living room. Now, if he is smart enough to crap in the same place INSIDE why can he not be smart enough to do it in the same place OUTSIDE. The real problem here.......on REALLY special days he prefers to clean up after himself. As in EAT it. Yum. With the SAME mouth he tries to kiss my family with. Needless to say we don't like to make out with this dog as much as we do with Scarlet.

Finally on my "shit list" is Joe. Since he does not read my blog I am free to talk about him whenever and however I choose. Today I choose to ask......."What the HELL are you doing in there?????" After 6.5 years of marriage you would think that I would have solved this mystery. Get in and get out is my motto......Joe on the other hand takes the paper and I don't see him for 20 minutes. How is this fair? Most days I cannot go to the bathroom without a 2 year old on my lap.

If he DID read this blog my word of advice to him would be......."If you want to spend that long in the bathroom, try cleaning it for me. Nothing turns me on more than when you clean"

um. wow..

Holy crap!!! I don't do speechless all that often (and fear not, I'm not doing it now) but my mouth hit the floor when I opened my blog up today! 114 COMMENTS!! A bunch of new followers (welcome to my nuthouse) and now I need to up my meds because I'm stressed I wont be able to "bring my A game" every day.

Thank you guys SO much for making my day....when I started this blog last fall I was not even sure how often I would update.....I have a site for the kids after all, what did I need another one for (drunken weekends with my girls that I don't want my grandparents reading maybe?) Doing this has reminded me how much I LOVED to write when in high school and college ....how much fun it is to put my personality into words, and I don't even have to sleep with the professor to get a good grade!! (okay, kidding.....or am I???)

A BIG thank you to Jim.....you pimped me out for 2 days straight.....ohhhh, scandalous. Hope Netter does not mind.....

Stay tuned for tomorrow when the topic of the day will be poop. yep. poop.

100th post and I want 100 Comments!!

Wow. It seems like I just started blogging and was all concerned that no one would care to read it. 100 posts and 72 followers later here we are! Thank you all for feeding my obsession with myself, my kids, Edward Cullen, and putting up with my sarcastic sense of humor....or lack there of

For the big 100 I thought I would highlight 100 things that I love. In groups of 10.....

The Rambler gave me a great idea to try and get 100 comments on my 100th post so please go tell your friends to come and worship me.....attention whore that I am. Go give me some love on your blog!! If you are brand shiny new and want to fall in love with me at first sight..and who would'nt....then read THIS It is a tale of bravery in the face of loss......

Ready. Go.

My top 10 Favorite books (or series since Twilight would take up 4 books) in no particular order

1)The Twilight Series. Duh
2)The Harry Potter Series
3)The Great Gatsby
4)Flowers in the Attic
5)The Shopaholic Series
6)The Time Traveler's Wife
7) Snow Flower and the Secret Fan
8) My Sister's Keeper
9)A Million Little Pieces (yes even after the truth came out)
10)The Gossip Girl Series


10 favorite movies
1)Dirty Dancing--"Nobody puts baby in the corner"
2)Goonies-"Hey, you guys!"
3)Twilight---Duh....
4)The Breakfast Club (words to live by:Andrew: "Why do you have to insult everybody?"John Bender: "I'm being honest, asshole. I would expect you to know the difference.")
5)Titanic-"I'll never let go...."
6)Beaches-But enough about me, let's talk about you... what do YOU think of me?
7)Shag the Movie-"Y'all is the horniest bunch of white folks I ever seen!"
8)Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory-you cannot beat lickable wallpaper...wonder if it comes in Merlot?
9)The Parent Trap-(the original one) "I'm not saying a word. Not one single word."
10)Sixteen Candles "Oh sexy giiiiirrlllllfrieeeeeend"


10 Favorite TV Shows
1)Lost-even though I want to bang my head on a wall while watching it
2)House-yeah, um. Can he be my gynecologist. Yes I DID just go there
3)Bones-however if Booth and Bones don't get busy soon I may stop watching

4)America's Next Top Model--FIERCE

5)American Idol-after the auditions....those make me crazy

6)Beverly Hills 90210 Dyan and Kelly were SO soulmates

7)90210--trying to bring back the olden days but doesn't QUITE hit it....still love it through

8)Intervention--I love being reminded that some people are more jacked up than I am

9)Cold Case--this is my secret career choice--but I don't like dead people
10)Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (seriously.....makes me smile to watch my baby girl watch "her friends"

10 places that that I would love to travel to:

1)Italy-wine
2)France.....but not Paris....somewhere south---wine
3)Cabo San Lucas-beach
4)Napa Valley-duh
5)Hawaii-beach and wine....must be heaven
6)Maine....somewhere on the coast-seafood
7)England-get back to my roots
8)Los Angeles-because I'm a stalker and I would love to chase down a celebrity
9)Ireland-again with the roots....
10)Australia-wine


10 favorite places that I have been

1)Disney World--I love it even more as an adult then I did as a child.
2)Xcaret in the Rivera Maya--underground snorkeling and swimming with dolphins....so awesome
3)Boston--home of the New Kids and was a kick ass get together with my mommy friends
4)Holden Beach, NC-summer vacation every year!
5)Biltmore Estate in NC--they have a winery.....
6)New Orleans--very cool to see even if I did have a one year old with me at the time
7)Cancun---drunken spring break with my sorority sisters----crappy hotel though
8)The Dunns River Falls in Jamaica---I did not hurt myself and THAT was an accomplishment
9)Key West--an entire street to party on....this is a happy place
10)Chicago--only been one time....fun shopping!

10 favorite posts on my blog

10)You can read my fairy tale HERE Be warned...it is not for the faint of heart

9)My first venture into Dear Diary Thursday....I call my mom a garden tool HERE

8)Say my name right or I will cut you...... HERE

7) Read about how cool I USED to be HERE

6)My first Letter to my children

5)A letter written by Mallory

4) Pierce's response

3) Introducing you to myFIRST baby....way before kids....

2)The sarcastic things I was thankful for last Thanksgiving HERE

1)Yes this was very recent but I meant ever word of it HERE

10 Things I would take if I were stranded on an island (other then my kids)

1)My iPod--cannot live without it

2)My phone--I need it to facebook about being stuck on an island

3)My computer--for blogging

4)My Ugg Boots-they keep your feet at body temperature no matter WHERE you are

5)My makeup--to look pretty when I get saved

6)My Mary Jane Crocs-they are cute AND practical for being stranded on a beach

7)My Tiffany Tag bracelet....the first piece of jewelry Joe ever bought me--memories.....

8)My Wedding set-so that when I DO get rescued by a hot pirate (Johnny Depp) I can remind him and myself that I am spoken for

9)My book collection (okay, I cant just pick ONE)

10)My scrapbook stuff ---gotta scrapbook those memories of being stranded

10 Things You May Not Know About Me:

1)I hate the dentist. The thought of getting a filling makes me all anxiety-y

2)I no longer have a relationship with my father. I have not seen or spoken to him in over 10 years. I am okay with this.

3)My favorite years in school always hit every other year. 6th, 8th, 10th and 12th grade were my FAVORITES

4)I went to THE Ohio State University

5)While I was there I was an Alpha Omicron Pi sister

6)I am a video game nerd.....big time.

7)I once had...ahem....relations with my boyfriend in a library while in college

5)I do not like beer. I never have and will never "acquire the taste for it" like everyone always told me. I was the girl in school pouring a bottle of wine into a "to go cup" to take to parties where I knew there would only be beer

4)I have very strange taste in food....I like anchovies, raw oysters and could eat blue cheese by the pound

3)I have only had c-sections, never had to push (never dilated) and I think having babies the old fashioned way is kind of strange

2)Some of my best childhood memories are from spending summers in New Jersey with the father that I no longer have a relationship with. This has nothing really to do with him but more with the friends that I made there....2 of who I still keep in touch with.

1)My mom ran over my foot once with her car. It was my fault. I jumped out while it was still moving. It hurt.

10 Jobs that I have had:

1)Lee's Famous Recipe Chicken

2)Ponderosa Steakhouse.....the ONLY time I have been a waitress

3)The Library at Ohio State.....if you are smart you will make a connection here

4)The Office for Disability Services at Ohio State....very cool job....I got to put books onto tape for visually impaired students and also read and scribe tests for them.

5)Victoria's Secret---hello free bras!

6)Elder Beerman (also retail)

7)A Tanning Salon

8)The Traveling Vineyard.....In home Wine Consultant....THIS was a fun job

9)Fire Insurance Underwriter

10)Health Insurance Underwriter

10 Things That Rock About Being ME

10)I live in a great city that has tons of cool stuff to do. Both for adults AND kids. We have the best college football team and awesome shopping. I never want to move.

9)My husband is the best man I have ever met. He is a wonderful father and a wonderful husband. Some might say I take a special person to put up with me.....he is it. I am lucky to have him and I am happy to be spending my life with my soul mate.

8)My kids kick ass. yeah, they don't respect sleep and I pretty much live as a zombie most days but they are so funny, sweet, cuddly and lovable that I just cant bring myself to sell them on eBay

7)I have a cool mom. Granted she gives me opinions more then I would like but other then that she is like a BFF....she is fun, likes to have a good time and makes me laugh with her randomness

6)My friends rock. I have the best friends EVER. My college girlfriends and I are still close...I love spending time with them and love watching as we all "grow up" together. Those of us that have kids....I love watching THEM grow up together.....those of you that still have that coming down the line....I cannot WAIT to help you plan your weddings and teach you how to not break your kids. My mommy board friends.....you don't need me to tell you how much I love you all....we have something special that many people don't ever have in their lives, it has been unreal going on this journey with you all.

5)I scrapbook like a mad fool. Okay, so maybe not everyone will think this is something COOL....but I do. When God made me he seemed to forget to give me coordination (that went to my sister) or any sort of musical talent (brother)...no athletic ability (sister again) but he DID give me enough talent to take semi decent pics and put them all together in pretty little packages that I call scrapbooks. And like I tell Joe (usually when he is pissed at how much money my "talent" costs) Preserving our family memories is hard work.

4)Not only do I have a job....I have one that I like. I have been fortunate enough to work for the same company for 11 years. I have never had a supervisor that I did not like, I have made very close friends here that make the time go by fast, and my mom works one floor up.

3)I grew up in and still have a very close extended family. My mom is one of 7 kids....I have tons of cousins and my grandparents on this side are still alive. Holidays are chaotic but they are fun. I'm glad that my kids are growing up with all of these crazy people too.

2)I take pride in being a good person. If I love you I will do anything for you. I am honest to the point of being blunt, I will not lie to you (except when I shop at the scrapbook store) and if you need me to cut someone for you I will. Nothing pisses me off more then someone doing something shady to someone I love.

1)And the last thing that rocks about being me......I have the MAD capability to nap at any given time. Not in a narcolepsy kind of way but if I need a nap I can nap like it is my JOB. None of this half asleep on the couch with the TV on crap (JOE). I'm talking full on jammies in the bed with my curtains drawn. Now I'm tired.

I hope you enjoyed my 100th post. If you didn't....eh, never mind. I will be nice today.

Almost there......almost 100!!!!

Darnit. When I went to post today I was sure that this was #99 and that I would get to tell you that on MONDAY I will have the big 100. Well crap. I'm only at 98. I am STILL going to post #100 on Monday and I'm hoping to get 100 comments and I need you all to whore me out....sigh....just like the good old days....I mean....ummm. Never mind.


In the meantime.....I have an AWARD from BeeandRose. Thank you my dear! I will also have to come up with something witty to post this weekend when no one really reads anyway because on MONDAY I will be POSTING #100. Just making sure that you are all paying attention.

Frankly, this guy scares me a bit. He is like little orphan annie/alien who is sweating. But I love awards so I will take him. But I'm keeping him for now....I don't have the energy to pass him out right now....I will try and remember to do so next week. Yes I know.....I suck.

This award is given for "lovely and witty comments and for always knowing the right thing to say at the right time."

Yep, that is how I roll.........just ask my friends......and my husband.........

Sucks to be HER daddy.....

Oh my. I fear that Joe we are going to have our hands full with this hot mess. Let me preface this story by saying that I did not grow up living with my father. My parents divorced when I was about 2 and I never had to deal with the drama of a dad sitting your boyfriend down and having the "be good to my daughter or I will kill you" chat. In fact my dad did not even live in the same state so I could have been dating Charles Manson and not only would he have not known but there was not much he could do about it.

Fast forward 20 years and I have given birth to myself. Joe just told me a few days ago that our daughter is just like me. No patience, demanding and mouthy. In other words, she is perfect.

Imagine his horror when Mallory decided that her new favorite thing to do this week is take her pants off and shake her butt. Not only does she enjoy doing this but she enjoys TELLING you she is doing this. She also prefers to do it to her daddy.....as in "hey daddy, watch, I'm shaking my my butt"

I wish I could get this on video but I am not interested in getting arrested so you will just have to use your imagination here. Imagine 23 pounds of little girl bending her knees and looking like she is doing the chicken dance.

Joe tries so hard not to laugh but you really can't help it it is just THAT funny. Last night may have been the best rendition of dance party USA yet. On our way up to bed (she already has no pants on because we have to put a pull up on her for bedtime and they are in her room) our little Pussy Cat Doll stopped, put her hands on the wall shook her butt in the direction of her daddy and said "Look daddy.....I'm shakin my butt" That's right baby girl. Drop it like it's hot.

I try to make fun of him be helpful in situations that stress my husband out so I just said "aww, look honey.....just like her mommy was doing at that bar in Philly over the weekend.....only I had my pants on"

I fear for her future boyfriends.

She's Got Bette Davis Eyes.....

So I took this "which female icon are you" quiz that has been floating around blogland.....my results were kind of creepy. If you have met me......you will see what I mean.....who knew Bette Davis was such an awesome person! I have added some thoughts in BLUE

You are a Bette -- "I must be strong"
Bettes are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.

How to Get Along with Me
* Stand up for yourself... and me.
* Be confident, strong, and direct.
* Don't gossip about me or betray my trust. um, hello work friend
* Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side. I don't show it much so pay attention when I do
* Give me space to be alone. with wine
* Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don't flatter me. well, you can flatter me a little
* I often speak in an assertive way. Don't automatically assume it's a personal attack. Now shut up and keep reading
* When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that's just the way I am. AMEN

What I Like About Being a Bette
* being independent and self-reliant Most of the time
* being able to take charge and meet challenges head on bring it!
* being courageous, straightforward, and honest It's how I roll
* getting all the enjoyment I can out of life
* supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me If you mess with those I love, I will cut you
* upholding just causes

What's Hard About Being a Bette
* overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don't intend to and welcome to my life.
* being restless and impatient with others' incompetence I don't like stupid people
* sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it
* never forgetting injuries or injustices I forgive....I don't forget
* putting too much pressure on myself
* getting high blood pressure when people don't obey the rules or when things don't go right

Bettes as Children Often this is the only section I DON'T agree with
* are independent; have an inner strength and a fighting spirit
* are sometimes loners
* seize control so they won't be controlled
* figure out others' weaknesses
* attack verbally or physically when provoked
* take charge in the family because they perceive themselves as the strongest, or grow up in difficult or abusive surroundings

Bettes as Parents
* are often loyal, caring, involved, and devoted aren't most of us?
* are sometimes overprotective lil bit
* can be demanding, controlling, and rigid --not at all actually

On an unrelated note......my good friend Melissa who you may know from Mama-Loco is having surgery on her neck today. Please go give her some love!

Intervention Needed. STAT

My children need a visit with this man pronto.

Do you know who he is? This is Ken from the show "Intervention" on A&E. I loooove this show. Love watching the train wreck that ensues on each one. Don't get me wrong...I love what they do and I love when the person on the show actually recovers.....but I also love watching it. Ken is one of the guys who talks the addict into getting the help that they need.

I digress......MY kids need an intervention from the following.

Never in my life as a mommy (I'm five years into it so clearly I am an expert) did I ever think that I would have to encourage my children to step away from "the bowl" this early in their lives. Sadly though, Pierce and Mallory have a addiction to Glad Ware. They can't even be on the good stuff because we are too cheap for Tupperware. We are also WAY early into this problem because admitting that you HAVE a problem is the first step to recovery and we are no where near that.

I find their paraphernalia everywhere. In the toy room, under the coffee table in the living room, once even in the bathroom. They make no effort to hide their addiction from me. They even have become a bad influence on the Yorkie because they leave their residue in their bowl and he comes along and cashes it.

You would probably call me an enabler because most of the time I am the one who passes them the bowl. Lately they are getting brave enough to get their own bowl though.

Everything, and I mean everything must go into the bowl for consumption. It starts first thing in the morning with their poptart. It must go into a bowl, it must NOT be consumed from the package. EVER. Upon returning from school we pick up right where we left off. Their next fix....generally a cracker or fruit snack of some sort....must go into a bowl. They tend to have the munchies when we get home from daycare even though I am CERTAIN they have bowls there as well. Fruit snacks cannot be consumed from the bag and there MUST be a bowl for an apple. A whole apple mind you. Before bed we hit the bowl again. Cereal this time.....and yes, cereal DOES need to go into some sort of bowl so I generally do not make a fuss about this one. Enabler indeed.

All in all we probably go through 3 or 4 bowls each day per kid. Let me assure you, we pack these bowls good...even try to re-use them. I am not one to waste a bowl.

So please, sign us up for an intervention as soon as possible. At the rate we go through bowls in my house I fear that we may never recover. I don't know.....maybe I am just paranoid.....

not me monday...the drunken jersey weekend edition

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

This is the drunken trainwreck in Jersey weekend version of NOT ME MONDAY. If you read my blog you will know that Thursday night I flew out to spend a weekend with some of my bestest friends. The following is what did not transpire....

I did not arrive in new jersey for my girls weekend already drunk. No way would I need to take 2 xanax and drink 3 glasses of wine to take a one hour plane ride.

I did not continue to drink the night away.....if i had it would only have been because I don't get away without my kids all that often and when I do.....I tend to let loose.

In fact I did not get asked by one of my friends why I am not "this much fun at home". Ummm, no kids. That's why

I also did not steal my wine glass from the bar. No way do I tend to turn into a klepto when I have been drinking.

I did not tell my lovely hostess on Friday morning that I needed to go to cvs and get a new toothbrush because I forgot mine. I was not so drunk that I would have forgotten that I brushed my teeth Friday night in her bathroom and left my toothbrush in there. What am I? A lush?
Friday night did not lead to more drinking. when I go away for girls weekend with my mommy board friends we sit around and sing kum ba ya......not behave like drunken skanks.

When my lovely hostess had a bit too much to drink and ran to the bathroom to puke....I did not grab my camera and capture the moment on film while laughing my ass off at her. I'm a way better friend than that....I'm the kind that holds hair....not takes pictures

Sat night the train wreck of 25 girls did not head into Philly....on a party bus. I did not shake my butt on the party bus and sing Baby Got Back at the top of my lungs. I am a mother....I do not behave like a drunken sorority girl....not me.
There was not a girl in our group who caused a huge rumble at the bar....we did not leave fearing for our lives.....we did not take pictures of said rumble.......we did not continue to watch the rumble carry on in the streets as the bouncers threw the drunk assholes out of the bar......
I did not have my very first ever authentic Philly cheese steak......with cheese wiz.....
Speaking of wizzing......I did not have to hear how 2 of my friends peed in an ally in the snow since they could not find a bathroom.
Since I behaved all night I did not head straight to my room and pass out 5 seconds after getting dropped back off from our night.

I did not wake up Sunday morning and want to take a bottle of Aleve.....I'm not so old that I can't shake my butt at a bar and not hurt like crazy the next day.

I did not hear Mama-Loco explain how she got a great shot of me because she was 'going down on me' if she had said this it would have been because she was standing at the top of the stairs taking a picture....not because we love each other like that.....no thanks...if this HAD happened we both would have laughed our butt's off when she realized what she had said. Tool.
Speaking of Mama-Loco.....I did not threaten her life if I had to hear one more flipping time how pretty the snow is.....I did not tell her that i was going to put her face right in it if she did not shut up y'all
On Sunday about 30 minutes before we needed to leave for the airport Ryann did NOT lock us out of her house. With our bags inside. Since this did NOT happen there was no cause for panic about the lack of a spare key anywhere. But if it would happen then I would have saved the day....how you ask? By walking about 3 houses up and cutting two yard behind.....hearing the sounds of someone trimming a tree usually means there is a ladder nearby. If this HAD happened you might have heard me calling to this guy like a fool, explaining the situation and asking him if he would not mind bringing his ladder around to assist us. If it HAD happened it would have resulted in us getting in ninja style and it might have looked something like this...

(typing this all out and looking at the pics right now does NOT make me want to call her and laugh at her.......again.)

I did NOT start to tear up as we all left for the airport one by one. I do not love these girls sooo much that it kills me not to know when we will see each other again......

A little explanation......these girls and I "met" about 8 years ago planning our weddings and using the chat boards on The Knot.Com. Since then it has evolved into a separate message board that we have been using for over 5 years. Most of us have met in real life.....A handful of us feel like sisters that were separated at birth.....We try to get together at least once a year but the more we do that the more we realize that we cannot live without each other for that long. These are the kids of friends you don't know how you made it this far without. I love you girls SO much and I cannot wait to see you again! Miss you, Love you.....(Cut you)

blunk

here it is bitches.....yep.....im calling you all.....my favorite people....bitches

learned some stuff tonight about my friends that I did not need to know....still think you kick ass. drank a bottle of wine.....our hostess is already passed out.....my friends kick ass. the pics.....they are not right......maybe.....maybe will post them later.....especially since i am not in any of them.....yeahh.......bottle of wine.....gone.......mel from mama loco.....too lazy to make the link so you can click on it.....she is hammered.....okay, no she isnt......but let's pretend she is.....like super drunk......

drink. drank. drunk

No blunk yet......

Now last night.....last night could have been bad.

2 xanax and 4 glasses of wine later I arrived safely in Jersey! Was collected by Ryann, met her kick ass sister, picked up 2 gals from Texas who keep bitching about the cold and then drank a little more.

Good times and everyone is not even here yet.....

Mommy's Gone Wild-Episode 2009

Tonight at around 6PM I will be boarding a plane for my weekend of drunken madness.

I. HATE. TO. FLY. Hate it. I woke up this morning and the anxiety set in immediately. Thank you Lord for Xanax.

There are about 20 ladies from all over the place getting together for what is sure to be an awesome weekend. We will laugh until we cry, cry until we laugh and just have a great time getting away.

Some of the lovely ladies I will be spending my weekend with....the one's who blog anyways....

Melissa- My sweet Texan friend who I have not seen since 2006
Kelly who despite living 15 minutes away I have not seen since Dec
Another Kelly who I have not seen since 2007
Lauren who I also have not seen since 2006
Stacey and Bre two more Texas girls who are gonna FREEZE Y'ALL

What I love about this group of friends is even though more then a year can go by without us seeing each other.....we talk every day and pick up right where we left off once we get together. They are like sisters to me and I cannot WAIT to play this weekend.

Look Out Jersey.......

I fear that my google reader will throw up on me when I get back. I may just have to hit the "mark all as read" button. I have a feeling that my lovely hostess Ryann would cut my hands off before she let me blog or read blogs on my weekend of debauchery.

Have a great weekend!

Tag, Im it! Things that mad me MAD

I have been tagged by Mrs Och for a "10 Things that piss me off" meme. FUN. I enjoy complaining from time to time so this will be therapeutic

1)Winter. Yep, the whole darn season. I could not just pick one aspect of it because there are soooo many to choose from. Icy driveways, dirty slushy roads, the feeling of the inside of your nose freezing when you breath....and my favorite....big ass hunks of ice flying off of semi trucks that you never know if and when they will hit you. Yep, Winter pisses me off.

2)Dieting. I know that SOME people try and tell me that it is "not a diet, it is a lifestyle" Bite me. I hate dieting. I don't WANT a Lean Cuisine meal I want Chipolte. mmmmm, Chipolte......

3)I mentioned this in a post of mine waaaaay back at the beginning of my blog but I am bringing it up again because it really grates on my nerves. People who laugh for NO REASON AT ALL. Like they are nervous about something. I said it then and I will say it now....what are are you so nervous about? Do you have a dead body in your car?

4)Having some of my bestest friends EVER live in dumb places like Texas, New York and New Jersey. Now before you get your panties all in bunches take note....I really don't think these places are dumb at all.....I'm just bitter that I don't get to see these girls without spending money to get there. That said TOMORROW I fly out to play.....Wonder if I will have my very first "blunk" session while I am there? (blogging while drunk....get it) Wow....I just got off track....

5)When my husband answers a question I ask him with the word (if you can call it that) "eh" This gets on my nerves SO badly and he knows it. From here on out I am going to interpret "eh" to be the answer that I WANT. So if you don't want me to go shopping say "NO" not "eh" because "eh" means that I am bringing home like 8 pairs of shoes.

6)People who hurt their children. I had such a hard time with this yesterday and I don't want to get into thinking about it again but let me just say.....I hope these people get hit by the karma bus big time.......I try to "hate the sin and not the sinner" as I have been told but I want to dig the eyes out of anyone who hurts their own babies.....with a fork. I am not a violent person but this realllllllllly pushes me towards the edge of it

7)Parts of the "system" This is a new one right now because of a family member. Parts of the system that say you can't have a restraining order against someone unless there is "enough" incidences to warrant one. So what.....??? Call back after he assaults her? mmmmkay.

8)Whining. not to be excused with WINING which would be on my "list of things that make me happy" The ability of a child to stretch a one syllable word into a 5 syllable word is like nails on a chalkboard to me.

9)My Dryer. My dryer is out to get me. Not only is it notorious for eating socks as most dryers are but mine shrinks my clothes. All the time. Sometimes more then once.....the dryer shrinks them.....yep.....that is my story......damn dryer

10)Lastly....BARKING. This is a problem. I have 2 very small yappy dogs. I want to put a shock collar on them. The things they bark at include but are certainly not limited to
-cats
-kids
-toys that make noise
-anything living that has the audacity to step into our yard
-the act of standing up....yes, sometimes when I stand up to walk into another room the littlest yappy dog FLIPS OUT. Like he thinks he has to protect me from the unknown.
-each other. One cannot bark alone.

I'm not tagging because I think we could ALL use this therapy session and if you want it....you may have it!

I don't do serious often but I need to get this out

I know that bad stuff happens all around us in the world and I know that it sadly always will. Most of the time news stories to not really "get to me" other then a passing moment where I think that something is just awful.

For some reason the case of "Baby Grace" has torn my heart up today. Today is the day that her evil piece of shit mother was convicted of murdering her beautiful little girl who is the same age as my daughter. She will rot in prison for the rest of her life. I don't know if it is because this family is from Ohio (although this happened in Texas) or if it is because when I see pictures of that beautiful baby I see my own beautiful girl and just ask myself what kind of mother hurts her own child? What kind of monster allows someone to convince them that their sweet baby needs to "learn manners" and that beating her and torturing her to the point of death is the only way to do it? A 2 year old beautiful little girl has lost her life to the hand's of the one person who was supposed to love and protect her above all others.

When I read that Rylie told her mother as she was being beaten that she loved her I sat here in my cubicle and cried tears for a little girl who probably never knew love.

I hope she is sitting in the lap of Jesus right now and does not remember the pain of her short life.

I hope her mother gets her ass kicked in prison every day.

I want to go get my babies and just hold them.

Whoring sometimes DOES pay off.....

How many of you came in here all interested in the title of this post? Dirty minds!

I meant Whoring for a GIVEAWAY!!! I won a $50 gift certificate for a KozyPal Cart cover! I have one of these myself and it is awesome! I had to keep her business card's in the little pocket of it because I got stopped every time I used it to ask where I had gotten it. I am particularly excited to see that she know will personalize the cart covers with the baby's name! How cute!!

My cousin is currently pregnant and I cannot wait to give her one for her baby shower! Yeah!!

A few random thoughts from me today......

I leave for my girly weekend the DAY AFTER TOMORROW and I am so excited I just may wet my pants.

I had to stifle a giggle upon leaving the house today and seeing our jacked up garbage cans at the end of the driveway. You know....the ones I did NOT destroy......

That is all.

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

My husband was NOT out of town all last week....leaving me to rip my hair out lovingly care for our children alone.

I did NOT consume more wine than I normally would in his absence and damn near burn my retinas out playing Wii every night. The reason I did NOT do this is because in his absence the best use of my time clearly would have been to do something productive like clean or organize something. So no way would you have found me every night from about 8-11 playing Wii. Not me.

Speaking of the Wii. I did NOT have to reprimand my son for telling someone to "get out of my way jackass" while playing Mario Kart. If this HAD happened I would have to blame Joe because he is the one who would be prone to using such language in the car......NOT ME.

I did NOT fashion my own snuggie at work on Monday by cutting 2 holes in a cheap fleece blanket. I then did NOT proceed to do the same thing for my friend next to me. I did NOT then wear said "snuggie" for most of the day at work.

I did NOT leave for the night within one hour of my husband coming home from his work trip on Sat. What kind of mother would I be if I could not even spend an entire week alone with my children and not want to leave the house?

The reason I did NOT leave the house on Sat.....had nothing to do with a 2 year old's birthday party complete with Tumblebus fun......because if I had gone to Cleveland for the night....and NOT taken my kids to said birthday party that would just be wrong.

I did NOT go see Twilight again with the mommy of the above 2 year old while NOT on my night of escape.

I did NOT buy New Kids on the Block tickets with BFF Liz and BFF Jess thus realizing a dream of mine 20 years later.....

And finally.....to top off my week......I did NOT try and park my car in the living room upon my return from Cleveland last night. I did NOT destroy my husband's bumper and 2 trashcans in the process. Of course my husband was not at ALL pissed off at me and did NOT pretty much flip his shit when he opened the door of the house. If this HAD happened I would have a good excuse and I certainly would NOT have freaked out and say that I think I hit the gas pedal instead of the brake. I'm a WAY better driver then that which is indicated in the fact that this was NOT my 2nd issue in my husband's car.......

This week HAS to be better......right??