Thursday, February 19, 2009

Good morning class. Today we are going to talk about poop.

I am going to focus on 3 "beings" that live in my house where this topic is concerned but before I do that......

THIS is Pierce. I feel like he does not get enough attention on this blog and it is not because I like his sister more then him but more because the kid is mostly so laid back that all he does is color and there is no way to make fun of that. True, he is the kid who respects sleep the least and gets up at dark o clock every day but other then that I've got nothing on him these days...I'm sure his time will come.

Now, back to poop. First up on my list of course is Mallory. Poor thing is such an easy target. Unless you are new to the House of No Sleep you know that I am in the throes of potty training hell. This is more a funny story then a complaint....I have tried everything to get this kid to poop on the potty. Yet every night she would continue to call me into her room 5 minutes after putting her to bed in a diaper because she has pooped in it. You see that little Disney widget up there in the corner.....this kid LIVES for Mickey Mouse. Last weekend I tell her....."we are NOT going to Mickey's house until you poop in the potty" Her response...."I don't want to go to Mickey's house, I want to stay home"

Fast forward to the next day. We lay down to take a nap (yes WE...they say to sleep when your baby sleeps not my fault she is almost 3) and she tells me she has to go potty. I take her into the bathroom, put her on the potty and by what could ONLY be a total accident she poops. Man if you could see the fuss I made....dancing around like a mad woman cheering her on. She can now see that the potty will NOT eat her if she poops in it so she goes to work another one out. This is where I wish I had a recording....because in the midst of grunting (and girlfriend was really working on this one) she says "ugghhhhImGoingToMickey'sHouseurrghhhh" okay, I cannot do this justice in words but let's just say that hearing her say that in the middle of "pushing" almost made ME shit myself.

Ever since then she is a pooping machine. The only thing is.....she wants me to "hold" her while she is doing it. As in, sit on a stool (haha, stool) next to her and hold her hands while she does her business. Really? Are we are on a date here? I wont complain though, we are one step closer to being DONE with diapers which then means more money to be spent on wine.

Next up. Stitch. The 4.5lb ball of terror. He is another one in my house who refuses to potty train. yeah, he almost a year and a half old. What kind of dumb ass dog cannot get it by then? Oh yeah....mine. He IS pretty good about going to the door to go outside to pee but for some reason....he prefers to take a big old crap every day in the same spot of my living room. Now, if he is smart enough to crap in the same place INSIDE why can he not be smart enough to do it in the same place OUTSIDE. The real problem here.......on REALLY special days he prefers to clean up after himself. As in EAT it. Yum. With the SAME mouth he tries to kiss my family with. Needless to say we don't like to make out with this dog as much as we do with Scarlet.

Finally on my "shit list" is Joe. Since he does not read my blog I am free to talk about him whenever and however I choose. Today I choose to ask......."What the HELL are you doing in there?????" After 6.5 years of marriage you would think that I would have solved this mystery. Get in and get out is my motto......Joe on the other hand takes the paper and I don't see him for 20 minutes. How is this fair? Most days I cannot go to the bathroom without a 2 year old on my lap.

If he DID read this blog my word of advice to him would be......."If you want to spend that long in the bathroom, try cleaning it for me. Nothing turns me on more than when you clean"

29 people fed my need for attention:

Aileigh

Tater Bug pooped on the potty for the very first time yesterday! I got a call at work and the whole office heard me "YOU WENT POOP ON THE POTTY!!!" One guy said he hoped I wasn't talking to Golf Man! That would put new meaning to a hole in one! LOL!

Ashlee

Caleb used to do the "not poop in the potty" thing... I'm was sure I was going to lose my mind. Then, one day, he decided he was going to poop in the potty and we haven't had a problem since! Funny how that works!

Becky

This is hilarious!

I tell my husband, "if i sat on the toilet for as long you do,one I would probably get a blood clot in my leg and two, you would probably be bugging me the whole time about why I am in there so long!"

I think it is a guy thing...

I gave you an award btw since you are such a great blogging friend and you keep me laughing with your posts, go to my site and pick it up! :)

and have a great day!

Michaela

That was just too funny! It must be a man thing to be able to sit there for 20 min. I could never do that, it's all business for me...

Sarah

Hilarious!

Abigail wants me right there by her when she poops too. And right now, with my sensitivity to smells...usually leads to me gagging and Barry laughing at me. Grr.

Heather

I love the idea of you being on a "poop date" with her...I am crackin' up over here.

As for the dog, that just sucks.

I would like to know why my children always have to poop at Target, the library and the toy section of Walmart? Why, oh why?

BTW, I love Beyonce's Single Ladies song, too. Already got that one on my list!

Me

That is HILARIOUS!

I never have understood the need for people to read in the bathroom..Wouldn't you want to do your busines, QUICK so you could sit somewhere a little more comfortable? Just sayin'

Jenny and the Princess Peonies

Pooping is always the hardest for kids to do on the potty. They say it is because they think they are loosing an actual piece of them since it is a solid mass.

Now that just has me picturing myself sittin on the toilet going "Oh My God - There goes my splien. Oh crap - there went my liver...." and so on.

jineen

lmao, i love it!!!! i might have to do this discussion on my blog too:) lets face it, poop is always funny! happy thursday!
jineen

Kitten

Poop is such an interesting thing, isn't it? It's no problem for anyone to talk about pee, yet you can get anyone to leave the room if you talk about poop. Thanks, Cammie, for bringing dignity and class to a poop discussion. I appreciate it! :)

(p.s. I'm not being sarcastic with this.)

Just A Chic...

Many moons ago my son was potty training. He did good. Went and sat on the potty all by himself trying and trying to get it to come out. Finally, one day he runs in the living room with his hand out to give me something. I put my hand out and in it he plops a turd. "Look Mommy! I did it!"

Yay.

Debbie

Potty training. There's a parenting milestone I do not miss!

Bee and Rose

I feel your pain:) We aren't suffering from this anymore, but while we did it was agony! I finally just decided that as long as they could poop on the potty before they drove a car, it would be fine...lol!

Kristina P.

My husband can be in the bathroom for 30 minutes. He'll take his cell phone in there, a book, etc. It's ridiculous.

Mommy of M's

I have tears from laughing so hard.

My Hubby could spend hours in there. What the hell? I'm lucky if I get 60 seconds.

Alexis AKA MOM

Oh how I hear you on the poop. I finally have 1 down and 1 more to go! Now I must say I was very lucky I had a daycare lady that tought Cole. But when we started school, we had a horrible time. I won't talk about all the fruit I gave the poor boy trying to make healthy lunches that then made him loose the poop to quick to get to bathroom. And then being asked to take "time-off" from school/daycare. Yup that wasn't me as the mom overloading my poor child so he couldn't hold his poop any longer! LOL

Now we can go on the pot but for some reason we don't always make everything in the pot. The other day I walk in to be overpowered by the smell of poop. To find a turd on the floor, oh yeah covered up with TP! I ask about it and Cole says what I cleaned it up ... LOL. Oh poop why do you haunted me!

Come on girl you read my ode to the bathroom you know we'll never get peace of quiet by ourself in their! ha-ha

Now if you go on the date I NEED pictures of that one. Mom & daughter entering the stale together ... LOL

Kristen

LOL I was wondering about the poop topic you hinted at yesturday!
Now I know!
It's not funny but...yes it is ha ha ha

Melissa

GO MALLORY!!! I told you the day would come!!

Nicole

LOL.

At least it's working for you with your Little One. Mine is absolutely not interested in potty training not a bit.

E

Oh my goodness, you had me laughing! The whole thing was just so funny! My husband also disappears into the bathroom for 20 minute intervals and does the majority of his reading in there. It's his hiding place!

Men! Can't live with 'em, can't live with 'em. ha ha ha

Kathy2eggs

I had to hold my breath at first, but then I died laughing....it's so true, granddaughter is coming up on three, so I know I'll get sucked into helping the darling daughter train her.....poor thing...I'm with bee and rose, as long as they aren't driving in diapers!!!

Nicole

How do men do it?!

kel

I think men could live in the bathroom..

Stephanie E

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH that is tooo funny!

Melissa

Forgot to tell you...Last night I ran into Petco for dog food and came across these for Stitch.

http://tinyurl.com/bla3eh

Yaya

Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

Megan

Hello from a fellow Ohioan! Um, Is it possible that we have the same husband? Mine claims to not read my blog (but he seems to know too much from it to not read it, hmm), we've been married for almost 7 years and finally, mine likes to spend HOURS in the bathroom doing...whatever it is they do in there! Grr!

Victoria @ Auction Girl Vintage

Cammie girl, this one rang so true I just read it out loud to my husband ... yep, while he's sitting in the kitchen eating his breakfast.

We had The Poop Wars at our house with our youngest, and promised him a giant Bat Cave (a la Batman) rather than Mickey's House. I think he was 3 at the time. He pooped in the pot once, collected his bigass toy, and continued dumping in his diapers until he was almost six. My MIL is a psychologist and kept trying to put things in perspective .... her best comment was "Darlin', in another 12 years, this will no longer be YOUR problem."

One time, we gave him an ENTIRE bottle of Children's Castoria laxative, and he clenched his cheeks and held it all in for an entire week. We still refer to this son as The Boy With The Butt Of Steel. He's 19 now, and still hates dropping the twins in the pool.

Pets are another thing altogether. I have a friend who keeps her catbox in the bathroom (the only bathroom). Yech! One day her husband was in there and the wife insisted he let the cat in, because the cat apparently couldn't wait and/or wouldn't/couldn't "go" outside.

So the cat jumps onto the box, gives the husband a bad-assed "what are you doing here in MY room with your pants around your ankles" look, digs a little hole and takes a kitty dump. Apparently finished, the cat proceeded to turn her back and start scratching to bury her treasure, and promptly -- with amazing aim and accuracy -- kicked the fresh poop right onto the husband's bunched up pants and the top of his bare foot.

Hubby made all the expected sounds, with the expected vocabulary and death threats ... threw the cat into the hallway and locked the door ... stripped out of his soiled pants, scrubbed his foot with disinfectant ... and then, to show who was really in charge of the bathroom, he squatted down and took a giant dump on top of the catbox, which he refused to let his wife remove for several days, to be certain the cat got the message. In cat speak, the message was probably something like "Watch your butt, pussycat, there's a humongous mountain lion in the house, and it's going to chew you up and spit your out. You're in deep shit now, my little friend ..."

Victoria :o)
visiting from SITS

Kalei

ummmm I laughed out loud at the mickey house grunting ..... super funny, I wonder if they will give a discount if you tell them that story at the entry gate? at least a free hat?....
I thought you were talking about another child when you mentioned your dog....I thought you were calling a kid a dog....Then I figured it out, its really late at night, thats the reason for me not catching on quick enough.
By the way:
I have to tell you thank you for comments to the 100 Post, which accidentally pre-posted early due to my error =) I reposted today, and you are still tops on the entries for the Blanket. I am sorry for the mix up. I also changed the 100 Blog Club Button so it can be read in a sidebar. Thanks for your support you have shown me so far....I really do appreciate it!

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