THIS is Pierce. I feel like he does not get enough attention on this blog and it is not because I like his sister more then him but more because the kid is mostly so laid back that all he does is color and there is no way to make fun of that. True, he is the kid who respects sleep the least and gets up at dark o clock every day but other then that I've got nothing on him these days...I'm sure his time will come.
Now, back to poop. First up on my list of course is Mallory. Poor thing is such an easy target. Unless you are new to the House of No Sleep you know that I am in the throes of potty training hell. This is more a funny story then a complaint....I have tried everything to get this kid to poop on the potty. Yet every night she would continue to call me into her room 5 minutes after putting her to bed in a diaper because she has pooped in it. You see that little Disney widget up there in the corner.....this kid LIVES for Mickey Mouse. Last weekend I tell her....."we are NOT going to Mickey's house until you poop in the potty" Her response...."I don't want to go to Mickey's house, I want to stay home"
Fast forward to the next day. We lay down to take a nap (yes WE...they say to sleep when your baby sleeps not my fault she is almost 3) and she tells me she has to go potty. I take her into the bathroom, put her on the potty and by what could ONLY be a total accident she poops. Man if you could see the fuss I made....dancing around like a mad woman cheering her on. She can now see that the potty will NOT eat her if she poops in it so she goes to work another one out. This is where I wish I had a recording....because in the midst of grunting (and girlfriend was really working on this one) she says "ugghhhhImGoingToMickey'sHouseurrghhhh" okay, I cannot do this justice in words but let's just say that hearing her say that in the middle of "pushing" almost made ME shit myself.
Ever since then she is a pooping machine. The only thing is.....she wants me to "hold" her while she is doing it. As in, sit on a stool (haha, stool) next to her and hold her hands while she does her business. Really? Are we are on a date here? I wont complain though, we are one step closer to being DONE with diapers which then means more money to be spent on wine.
Next up. Stitch. The 4.5lb ball of terror. He is another one in my house who refuses to potty train. yeah, he almost a year and a half old. What kind of dumb ass dog cannot get it by then? Oh yeah....mine. He IS pretty good about going to the door to go outside to pee but for some reason....he prefers to take a big old crap every day in the same spot of my living room. Now, if he is smart enough to crap in the same place INSIDE why can he not be smart enough to do it in the same place OUTSIDE. The real problem here.......on REALLY special days he prefers to clean up after himself. As in EAT it. Yum. With the SAME mouth he tries to kiss my family with. Needless to say we don't like to make out with this dog as much as we do with Scarlet.
Finally on my "shit list" is Joe. Since he does not read my blog I am free to talk about him whenever and however I choose. Today I choose to ask......."What the HELL are you doing in there?????" After 6.5 years of marriage you would think that I would have solved this mystery. Get in and get out is my motto......Joe on the other hand takes the paper and I don't see him for 20 minutes. How is this fair? Most days I cannot go to the bathroom without a 2 year old on my lap.
If he DID read this blog my word of advice to him would be......."If you want to spend that long in the bathroom, try cleaning it for me. Nothing turns me on more than when you clean"