Friday, June 19, 2009

Random Messages to Random People

My friend Kat over at Three Bedroom Bungalow has started a fun new topic for venting out to all of the people/things that are pushing your buttons. Since I tend to find venting SUPER therapeutic I figure I will play along.

Dear Joe,
You have been out of town this week and I have really missed you. Even though it IS a work trip and not a vacation you still have not had to wipe anyone's ass but your own. Incidentally...when you told me that you were stopping in Chicago to visit your buddy ON THE WAY home from ST LOUIS and spending the night I did not pay much attention to the geography of said locations. Guess what, you are busted. When you get home tomorrow I am clocking out.

Love, Your Tired Wife

Dear Yorkie,
You are over a year old now. If you do not stop crapping in the house 5 minutes after I let you inside I just may kill you. One more thing--when you eat all of the little bone pieces out of your food and leave the square pieces and whine until I fill your already full bowl up so you can pick out more little bone pieces....that gets on my nerves. You are just as bad as the kids.

Love, Mommy

Dear Cat #1,
Cleaning up your hair balls every day is getting tiresome. Kudos though for having just enough aim to throw up all over Pierce's flip flop. I'm sure that took talent

Love, Mommy

Dear Mallory,
I don't think you or your bother will EVER know how much I love you both. However, when I tuck you into bed smelling so clean from your bath, kiss you goodnight and close your door Mommy does not want to see you again until much later. Imagine how I soiled my pantieshow high I jumped last night when about an hour after I put you to bed you started screaming like someone had set your bed on fire. Oh my poor sweet princess....did your stupid ass "moon in my room" that I wish Santa never broughtprecious LUNA turn off? Like it does EVERY NIGHT? What a crisis. I know this must be horrible for you but please don't scream like that again or I will throw Luna out your window

Love, your incontinent Mommy

Dear Pierce,
Mommy's sweet boy. You are getting so big and so so smart. It appears that yesterday you learned something about weather. When you looked at me like I was the biggest idiot you knowthis morning and told me that "The sound of thunder is NOT Jesus bowling in Heaven Mommy, it is ACTUALLY the sound of 2 clouds hitting each other" I was so proud of you, and just a little sad that you are getting too smart to be lied to.

Love, Mommy

Dear Weather On My Drive in This Morning,
SUCK IT!! I don't enjoy dodging lightning bolts. I also don't enjoy seeing my kids FAH-Reak out like we are going to die any second (although I did kind of enjoy watching Mallory try and pick her cup up with her elbows while her hands were over hear ears)Please move on by tomorrow....I have a outdoor appointment with a photographer for the kids tomorrow and I don't want to cancel it.

Cammie

Someone piss in your Wheaties this morning? Want to play along? Go visit Kat and LINK UP!!




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26 people fed my need for attention:

Brandy

Great vent. I don't know if I would ever stop writing letters once I started.

Rebecca is Thrilled by the Thought

Hilarious. I'm with you on the cat vent. I know my cat waits until my husband has left for work, just so I can be the one to clean up his disgusting vomit that looks like poo.

And the weather. I've had my own beef with that over here in Utah! Actually just posted about it today!

Shannon

Your Yorkie and my dogs MUST be related. They do the same thing! We must be feeding them the same food too!

Anita

Cammie, it's tough to decide which message I like most..........but I do think it's a tie between the one to your husband and your daughter. I often say...........here they are yours, and well.........there is nothing quite so humbling as wetting your pants.............LOL.
Have a great weekend, love your blog!

E @ Scottsville

Oh Cammie, this DOES sound FUN!!! I'm gonna have to play along!!!! Just not today. But I will!

Thanks for the heads up. Yours was DYNO-FABU-RIFIC!

E

Katypie

This was hilarious!
And hopefully this craptastic Ohio weather goes away SOON! I hate it. Sunshine, please! It is summer, right?

Katherine

Well said Cammie! I try to explain to KiKi that when she goes to bed I don't want to see her again until morning, apparently, the message is not sinking in.

Kat

CRAP that last message was me!

Tooj

Love the letters! Nice work.

Martha

Dear Cammie,
You always make me smile even when you are incontinent or your Yorkie is incontinent.
Please stop by when you can, I will get out the good vino and some fresh chips and guacamole.
Your bloggy fan, Martha from SoCal

Kristina P.

Yes, the weather CAN suck it!

Mommy of M's

Good one

Lisa

Dude, I have not giggled like this in a long time! Much needed and much appreciated. I'm glad you're playing along.

Jim Brochowski

I think the dog would have been shotputted or worse by now if it was mine. Have to give the cat props. Pretty sure the luna thing would have "worn out batteries that you just can't replace."

Laughed out loud at all of it!

Great stuff Cammie.

Kami's Khlopchyk

dude, you kill me when you rant like this, kill me! Thanks for the laughs.

And where is the letter to the geese? There's gotta be one in there!

Alicia

OMG. So i found you on SITS and I was dying laughing!! Seriously funny! Can't wait to read more! Come on over and say hi anytime!

Amy B.

Oh, the funniness. Thanks for this post! Next time I need to vent, I may just write a little letter.

bigmamacass

hahahaha!! I am a new reader... and you are hilarious!! love it! how old is pierce? Mallory is 3?

Mom in High Heels

I read this post and the one below it and decided, you are now my new blogging BFF. Seriously, we're friends. Get used to it. I love you. Not in the whole "Single White Female" way, but in the "you're as awesome and funny as I want all my friends to be" way. Mmkay?

Melissa B.

Dear Cammie: BTW, don't forget to swing by and celebrate Sx3 with me today. A Tar-Jay Gift Card is at stake!

Connie Weiss

LOL! My Mallory screams her fool head off for silly reasons too.

Drive me nuts!

Linda

Oh my gosh...That was the most funny, and entertaining vent I have ever read!
You poor girl....Lets meet out on the patio at 11:00pm for a glass..no, make that a bottle of wine! LOL
Hugs to you!

Bee and Rose

LOVE it! I am definitely join Kat's fun meme this Friday!

As usual, you are cracking me up with you hilarity and witty charm!

(I'm with ya on nasty weather..it sucks...)

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