Growth

I have this strange little growth attached to my rear end. Gross right? Wait, I have a picture of it....can you diagnose me?

I know she is cute, I know she is my baby and I should treasure these moments....but for the love of all that is holy....she is seriously stuck up my ass. I do realize I am a very cool person but seriously....I have things to do

Let me get a little specific here. I know kids go through stages where they are attached to one parent or the other but Mallory takes this obsession with me to a whole new level. If I am home. I will be seated on the couch. And she will be seated in my lap. No questions. If for some reason I feel like, ohhhh cleaning the kitchen, or going to the bathroom there will be repercussions. I am not exaggerating. Yesterday she yelled at me for a good 20 minutes while I cleaned the kitchen after lunch to "COME SIT DOWN MOMMY" The longer it took the more pissed off she got. At one point she told me I was not her "bestest friend anymore"

When I DO finally sit down she backs her little butt up to me so I can pick her up and put her in my lap. That is not where it ends. She needs my arm around her so she can settle back into me. It's like I'm her freaking arm chair.

I love to snuggle with my kids, but I get driven to vodka when they want to HANG ON ME non stop. It is no wonder when I go to bed it is understood that I have MY side of the bed and Joe has HIS side of the bed...I need those 4 hours of sleep (before she joins us) where no one is touching me.

The mommy obsession follows us out of the house as well. We went through a phase where I was the only one who could buckle her in and get her out of her car seat. Thankfully that one was short lived but this weekend she started insisting on getting out of Pierce's side of the van so I could be there when she hopped out.

I have visions of me in bed with her when she is married. Scary visions

Thankfully she is not one to throw a screaming fit if I leave the house...she is only like this when I am with her. Sigh. It is hard being the coolest person I know

The Kids Said WHAT?? Edition: 5

Believe it or not I got NOTHING this week. Probably because I was gone a few days, possibly I did have some but then lost them in the loss of those brain cells over the weekend. Either way, it is all up to you this week. No pressure.

1st Annual Run for Row 5K Memorial Run

I made it back from Buffalo in one piece. Barely. I cannot even tell you what an honor it was to share this weekend with Andrea and her beautiful family. Her strength is amazing, she is beautiful, her babies are beautiful. It was awesome to see over 300 people come together in memory of her husband Matt.

This weekend was SUPPOSED to be low key....our lovely hostess had other plans and surprised us with a buffet and OPEN BAR at a restaurant the night we all got in. Things went a little downhill that night but it was sooooooo worth it. Sunday morning however was a little rough. We all made it to the run (barely) and the girls who ran it did AWESOME!!!! I was SO SO proud of them. I never intended to run it but once I saw people finishing 20 minutes in me and a few others thought we would be better suited to cheer our friends in and take pictures as they crossed the finish line. In other words, we bailed. But, we were there to support Andrea and the awesome charity for her kids and that was the important part for me.

Andrea, I love you to pieces....I love your kids to pieces. GOOD LUCK with the move this week. Can't wait till we can all come and ascend on you in LA

Sat night, before things got fuzzy.

Toasting to Matt...can you look close and guess which hand is mine?

Matt's family all wore shirts with his picture on the back, such a handsome man.....

All of us together post race. Not to bad since most of us were hungover. Andrea is in the very front in black.

Before we left yesterday AM. My car is a bit notorious because I have a personalized plate, a Mickey Mouse hitch cover and family stickers with Mickey Mouse hats. It's how I roll and they are all just jealous.


I'm going to let you use your imagination on the details of the weekend. It was not AS bad as the trip in Feb (though I did not puke on THAT trip...but I also was not drinking wine out of a carafe on that trip either) We had so much fun and even though I miss my friends, my liver is so glad we can only do this a few times a year.

Bittersweet

Tonight I am heading to Cleveland with my good friend Kelly to pick up 2 more of my friends so that tomorrow morning we can head to Buffalo. I am so very happy to be seeing some of my bestest friends this weekend but so very sad for the reason that we are getting together.

Last fall my sweet friend Andrea lost her husband in an accident that sadly could have been prevented by his company. Now Andrea is raising her young kids without the love of her life. Believe it or not I have yet to meet Andrea even though I have known her for at least 5 years through my mommy board. Even though I have never met her, I love her dearly, and I have cried many tears for her, Matt and their babies.

This weekend about 20 girls from our mommy board are coming together to support Andrea in the first annual Run For Row 5k. In which I will be walking, not running thankyouverymuch. I have no doubt that we will laugh ourselves stupid and have fun being together again but on the flip side I also know there will probably be some tears as we support our friend who in the past 9 months has had more on her plate then anyone should. While we love being together....especially since it only happens a few times a year, I wish it was not because Matt died.

Andrea, I know you probably wont read this for awhile (although reading my blog should take priority over, ohhh, MOVING right?) but I am so happy to be able to come and support you this weekend. I just wish we were meeting under different circumstances. Hopefully the train wreck that is this group of girls will make you laugh as much as we can this weekend!

In case you missed my last weekend trip with my mommy board besties....you can read about it HERE. I think it is a good thing that God did not allow us all to live in the same place.

The Kids Said WHAT?? Edition: 4

I thought I was not going to have anything good this week but in the last few days they each gave me a few good ones....I even have a middle of the night comment!

Little Miss Mallory....how I would love to get her to stay in her bed all night. How I wish I was not so lazy that I would actually just break the habit instead of letting her in our bed. But hey, I get up early....I can't spend half the night dealing with her screaming. So....probably around 3AM a few nights ago Scarlet (the dog that bites) decided she was cold and wanted to come up and get comfy between Mallory and I. Mallory wakes up and freaks out that Scarlet is there. See, Scarlet does not like to be disturbed when she is sleeping (who does?) and has been known to take a snap at you if you move your feet and touch her. Mallory tells me "You need to MOVE her mommy" and I said, she is fine, just leave her alone. "NO, you need to MOVE her. She is going to bite my toe toes off!!!"

Maybe not off.....

Mallory apparently has a new little boyfriend at daycare. When Joe went to pick her up yesterday she said she needed to go give him a hug before she could leave. As Joe watches, she runs over and hugs him and according to Joe it looked like she kissed him. Of course this gets a reaction out of daddy who tells her "Mallory, you are TOO young to be kissing boys" and she looks at him and says "I did not kiss him daddy, I wiped my snot on him" Wow, she is going to make someone a lucky guy someday.

My big kindergartner Pierce.....he is making so many new friends. Apparently a lot of them are girls because he says to me...."Mommy, I don't know why but ALL the girls like me" I know why.....it is those darn dimples that are going to get him in trouble!!

Pierce also gave me a rated R one this week without even knowing it. I got a tripod a few days ago and I had set it up in the kitchen to put my camera on it and check it out. Pierce decides that he wants to MAKE a little tripod and put a camera on it. Good imagination bud!! So he grabs a few different things out of the toy room and stacks them up and then a few blocks for the camera, and a little cd thingy that goes with some cd player and put it on top...not sure what part of the camera that is supposed to be but before I could ask him he says...."Look mommy, I even put my dick on it" I almost swallowed my tongue coughing. "I'm sorry WHAT?" "See", he says....and points to the CD. "Ohh, your DISC!!!" "Yes mommy...that's what I said" There is NO possible way that he knows what he said but MAN did it give me a good giggle when he walked away.

LINK UP!

Where Is My Alice?

And no, I'm not talking about Alice from Twilight....although having an omniscient sister could be kind of handy too. I want THIS kind of Alice

My friend Lauren sent a list to me yesterday that made me laugh at it's absurdity. It was a list for getting organized and keeping your house clean. It included little chores that if completed every day will keep your house in tip top shape. Those chores include:

Make beds (riiiiiight)
Feed pets (if they are lucky)
Load/Run/Empty dishwasher (I do insist on this)
Sweep kitchen & entryway (umm, every day?)
Clean kitchen sink (does that not happen when you load the dishwasher?)
Clear/Wipe kitchen counters (yes)
Plan / Cook dinner (if by plan you mean order then yes)
Wipe out bathroom sinks (does not happen)
Empty trash (Joe's job)
Do laundry (every day? really?)
Read to children (probably the most important thing ON this list)
Exercise (I climb the steps a few times each day)
Quiet time (really)
Take vitamins/medication (my husband thanks me to do this every day)
Prepare tomorrow's clothing (pull out what is clean and does not need ironed)

Um wow. I barely have time to wipe my ass every day let along make all the beds in my house. Then it tacks on things that you can do each day of the week.

Sunday
___ Change dishcloth/towel
___ Change hand towels in bathrooms
___ Cut/sort/file coupons
___ Plan menus
___ Make shopping/errand list
___ Pamper yourself
Monday
___ Inventory refrigerator contents and plan meals around leftovers
___ Vacuum main/public rooms or 1st floor
___ De-clutter/organize desk
___ Dust office
___ Clean toilets
___ Replenish stock of toilet paper in bathrooms
Tuesday
___ Change dishcloth/towel
___ Change hand towels in bathrooms
___ Clean bathtubs and shower
___ Clean bathroom mirrors
___ Clean out purse/wallet
___ De-clutter/organize master bedroom closet
___ Vacuum bedrooms or 2nd floor
___ Go through coupons, dispose of expired ones
Wednesday
___ Clean top shelf of refrigerator
___ Clean knickknacks and shelves
___ Clip children’s nails
___ Clean/wash hairbrushes & combs
___ Clean outdoor trash can
___ Dust master bedroom
Thursday
___ Change dishcloth/towel
___ Clean microwave - inside and out
___ Mop kitchen
___ Clean telephones
___ Change hand towels in bathrooms
___ De-clutter/organize top of dresser(s) - master bedroom
Friday
___ Clean dishwasher door
___ Dust dining/breakfast room(s)
___ Change a/c or furnace filter
___ Sweep porch
___ Change sheets - master bedroom
___ Do a quick tidy/put away in each room of the house
___ Spend time on a craft/hobby
Saturday
___ Change dishcloth/towel
___ Change hand towels in bathrooms
___ Water indoor plants
Sunday
___ Change dishcloth/towel
___ Change hand towels in bathrooms
___ Cut/sort/file coupons
___ Plan menus
___ Make shopping/errand list
___ Pamper yourself

I want to know what sort of robo mom came up with this list? I need an Alice really badly. That brought me to wondering what the heck Carol Brady did all day? She does not DESERVE an Alice. She just sat on her butt all day reading the paper and drinking coffee while someone ELSE packed her kids' lunches and made her dinner. A housekeeper would be awesome but a live in one???? Bonus!!! By the time I get my kids fed, bathed and in bed I just want to sit down and chill not worry about changing the hand towels in the bathroom. Most stay at home mom's I know don't even have the time to do this sort of stuff.

Sigh, I suppose I will have to continue to live in a home where the beds don't get made and trying to remember the last time the "master bedroom" was dusted makes me giggle

Here is my list of stuff do do every day

feed, bathe and love on my kids till bedtime
drink wine
facebook
put out if I'm in a good mood
go to bed

lather, rinse, repeat

Why I am Mother of the Year

I generally don't brag about all the cool things that make me the best mom ever. Things like the fact that I have dropped a dirty word in front of my kids on occasion, or that I have left my house only to be told by a kid that I forgot to buckle them in. I don't tell you all how my kids sometimes eat McDonalds and when they wake up at 6AM on the weekends I will bribe them with a movie in my bed so I can score another hour or so of sleep. I don't want you all to know my awesome parenting secrets and try and overtake me as mother of the year. It is hard work being that awesome of a mother.

This weekend however, I went above and beyond the call of mommy duty. This weekend I purposely took a sick child into public location that caters to children. Let the judging begin.

I generally do not advertise to Pierce and Mallory when we have something cool going on. When I do, something usually happens that prevents us from doing said cool activity and then I pay for it for the rest of the day. I apparently lost my mind for a minute on Friday when I told Pierce and Mallory that we would be going to COSI on Saturday. COSI is a super cool kid-ish museum that adults actually do not hate because the stuff there is also cool enough for us to enjoy. We go to COSI quite a bit but this was a special visit because Wyatt from the show Super Why was going to be there! Pierce and Mallory LOVE Super Why and I also kind of like them because they teach reading skills and they don't make me want to pour bleach in my eyes like THIS show, THIS show and THIS show.

Friday Pierce had mentioned to me off hand that his throat was sore. He did not have a fever and was acting fine so I did not think much of it. Sat am rolls around, the kids are way excited to be seeing Super Why and Pierce tells me again that his throat hurts. Better safe then sorry right? Off to the Dr we go and as we are waiting on his throat culture to come back Pierce is telling the Dr all about our planned visit to COSI. When she comes back with our diagnosis of strep and tells Pierce he needs to stay home today his little face just fell and broke my mommy heart into pieces.

WWMOTYD (What Would Mother Of The Year Do?) She waits until we get to the car and tells Pierce we are going anyways but that he can't touch anything and we would only be staying for a little bit. I doused him in anti bacterial gel and took my kids to see Super Why.

You may now proceed to poke me with your pointy mommy spears