D-Bag Mom Sends Adopted Kid Back To Russia

So I am sure most of you heard that some douche bag mother of the year sent her 8 year old adopted kid BACK to Russia, ALONE. Yeah, I get that she thought he was psychotic, and a danger to her family, but really? Just send him back with a note?"

So today I happen across a poll on CNN.com asking if adoptive parents should be permitted to return their kids. I was surprised that it was fairly close at something like 46% yes and 54% no. Really? I think this is total and complete crap. If I can't send my kids back to where THEY came from why should other parents be able to do so? And way to screw up international adoptions from Russia!

asshat

Why I am Mother of the Year

I generally don't brag about all the cool things that make me the best mom ever. Things like the fact that I have dropped a dirty word in front of my kids on occasion, or that I have left my house only to be told by a kid that I forgot to buckle them in. I don't tell you all how my kids sometimes eat McDonalds and when they wake up at 6AM on the weekends I will bribe them with a movie in my bed so I can score another hour or so of sleep. I don't want you all to know my awesome parenting secrets and try and overtake me as mother of the year. It is hard work being that awesome of a mother.

This weekend however, I went above and beyond the call of mommy duty. This weekend I purposely took a sick child into public location that caters to children. Let the judging begin.

I generally do not advertise to Pierce and Mallory when we have something cool going on. When I do, something usually happens that prevents us from doing said cool activity and then I pay for it for the rest of the day. I apparently lost my mind for a minute on Friday when I told Pierce and Mallory that we would be going to COSI on Saturday. COSI is a super cool kid-ish museum that adults actually do not hate because the stuff there is also cool enough for us to enjoy. We go to COSI quite a bit but this was a special visit because Wyatt from the show Super Why was going to be there! Pierce and Mallory LOVE Super Why and I also kind of like them because they teach reading skills and they don't make me want to pour bleach in my eyes like THIS show, THIS show and THIS show.

Friday Pierce had mentioned to me off hand that his throat was sore. He did not have a fever and was acting fine so I did not think much of it. Sat am rolls around, the kids are way excited to be seeing Super Why and Pierce tells me again that his throat hurts. Better safe then sorry right? Off to the Dr we go and as we are waiting on his throat culture to come back Pierce is telling the Dr all about our planned visit to COSI. When she comes back with our diagnosis of strep and tells Pierce he needs to stay home today his little face just fell and broke my mommy heart into pieces.

WWMOTYD (What Would Mother Of The Year Do?) She waits until we get to the car and tells Pierce we are going anyways but that he can't touch anything and we would only be staying for a little bit. I doused him in anti bacterial gel and took my kids to see Super Why.

You may now proceed to poke me with your pointy mommy spears

She Sells Sea Shells

Hello from fabulous Holden Beach, North Carolina! We made it here without having to strap a single child to the top of the van! Hooray!!

We make our trek from Ohio to NC in 2 days because frankly I cannot deal with being trapped in such a confined space with my children for longer than the 6 hours on day one. I realllllly wanted to stop for some duck tape around 8PM last night when instead of falling asleep like sweet angels in the car they kept freaking talking all the way till 11PM

We got here around 1 today and after unloading the car decided to take a quick trip down to the water which is right across the street from the beach house. While walking up to the walkway Mallory asked me if she could have a coconut on the beach. Awwww, how sweet....she is going to LOVE the beach

If my daughter used the colorful language that I am fond of I think she would have said the following....."WHAT THE HELL IS THAT AND NO WAY AM I PUTTING MY ASS IN IT!!!!" To say she was not impressed with the ocean is a mild understatement. Add to the fact that she was running on no nap and I had quiet a witchy little thing with me. While Pierce ran around joyfully shouting that he loves the beach and loves the ocean and was having a grand old time Witchy McBrat scowled at the water, at me, at the other people on the beach and told me that she was NOT going to get wet. Bet me. I picked her up and carried her to the VERY edge of where the water was coming up and put her down on her feet. The water barely touched her toes when she went screaming holy hell back up to the blankets and told me to "get her outta there" She did find a bit of fun in collecting shells and putting them in her bucket and that may be the ONLY way we get her back down to the sand.

Made a quick stop to the store to stalk up on wine necessities and we are taking it easy tonight.

Tomorrow it is back to torturing one kid and building sand castles with the other

An Oldie But Goodie.....

I was remembering this craptastic night the other day for some reason and went digging through the archives of the kids site to find it. It never fails that whenever Joe goes out of town, my life is going to suck until he returns. never. fails. This is a first class example.....from June 26th, 2008

So last night ranked pretty high up on the "really crappy parenting nights" list. First off, last night was Joe's last night out of town for work. We saved up ALL the drama for this last night. Around 1130 I woke up and thought I heard our home alarm going off. Turns out it was the tornado sirens (I guess this IS better then home invasion). Pierce comes flying into my room literally shaking he is so scared. There is nothing going on outside so I'm not really sure at this point why the sirens are going off so I turn the TV on. Oh. THAT is why they are going off. The entire county is all sorts of shades of red, pink, purple on the radar. The excitement on the faces of my local weathermen (really? both of them are in?) lead me to believe things were about to get really crappy.

By now Mallory is also awake but so far no drama. I told Pierce I was going to run downstairs really quickly and get a flashlight on the off chance our power goes out and I will be right back. 30 seconds later with 2 kids stuck up my butt I get downstairs and can't find one. Call Joe, scream about lack of flashlights in frustrations (yes, everything IS his fault when he is out of town) find a flashlight, head back upstairs. By now the storms are starting to roll in and with it Mallory's panic attack. I know that I tend to be dramatic but I kid you not when I say she screamed, and shook, and got all sweaty for the next 3 hours non stop. It. Was. Awful. She would start to fall asleep (still moaning) and then those damn sirens would kick up again (yes, they kept going off thanks to the lightning, super) and she would start all over. Pierce told her at one point to be quiet because he was trying to watch the weather.

Joe called about an hour in "sorry honey, can't talk, cant hear you over screaming" We probably should have been in the basement but since our (chipper) weathermen said there was not *really* a tornado but more like the chance of one I decided to take my chances upstairs. You can mail my "mother of the year award" anytime.

3 hours later things settle down and we fall asleep (sort of, kids on top of me all sweaty, Mallory still shaking). I wake up at 7...coincidentally the same time I am due to be at work, call to say I will be late, and take 2 super cranky sleep deprived children to school. Upon leaving my house this morning a spider that had to have been missing from our local zoo ran across my garage floor scaring the crap out of both me and pierce…….he is hiding under my van (the spider, not pierce) and I'm wearing flip flops. Fun to watch me put kids in the car seat knowing that he was there. Waiting.

While leaving daycare I can hear Mallory screaming for me all way down the hall and out the door. Head right to Tim Horton's for coffee, call my mom only to hear that she "slept through it all" (thanks mom) and get to work where I sit now trying very hard to stay awake.

Joe comes home tonight and I will be going directly to bed

Ahhhh. That was a really really shitty night. I'm hoping that Mallory's fear of thunder storms is over now that spring is coming.

My Parenting Skillllzzzzz

I know that it may be a hard concept to stomach but I truly am deserving of an award for Mother of the Year. At the very least a nomination.

Just a few of the tools that I use in raising my children…..

Negotiation -Children cannot truly develop without learning the art of negotiation. It is important in their adult life so they may as well learn it at an early age. Who’s to say that M&Ms for crapping the potty cannot someday translate to $$ for the crap you will produce in your career?

Learning to respect authority: For instance the following conversation with Pierce
"Why do you always get to tell me what to do"
"Because I'm the boss"
"Who do I get to be the boss of?"
"sorry bud, you don't get to be the boss of anyone"
"Can I be the boss of Mallory?"
"No" "Can I be the boss of the dogs?"
"No bud, Scarlet bites remember....she is the boss"
"Well, I cannot wait until I grow up so I can be the boss of myself"

The Art of persuasion—Mallory is WAY better at this then her brother—one day as we were on the couch with her up my ass snuggling….
"I want my milk"

"It's right there, go get it"

"I want Pierce to get it" (I wan Piewce did it)

"Pierce is not going to go get it Mallory, it is RIGHT there, get it yourself"

"I want Pierce to get it"

"No"

And then…..Pierce all exasperated gets up, sighs very loudly walks over to get the milk, shoves it in her direction and says "HERE Mallory" and sits back down. To which Mallory says..."thank you Pierce" (tank you Piewce")

Family togetherness.-There is more bed hopping in my house then in a brothel. Most nights Mallory is in bed with us by midnight because quite frankly….I'm a bitch if I don’t get enough sleep and I don’t have the energy to fight with her in the middle of the night. However, because I am getting to the point where I am over this…..her new big girl bed MIGHT have to come with straps

These are just a few things that I practice daily with my children. After all, they ARE the future of our world.

PS----if you need a kozy pal cart cover.....and trust me you DO then click HERE. She is having a 50% off sale just today!!!! Im getting ready to order one for a gift today with my gift certificate I won last month! Makes a great gift!! I never went anywhere with mine without getting asked about it.

TGIF!!!! Purse Tag!

Do me a favor and go visit my bloggy friend Shannon. She has had a craptastic week and wants some pick me up comments. She is shooting for 25 but I bet we can get her more than that!!

Megan tagged me for that "purse" thing that is floating around. I took the pics and everything and then promptly forgot to download them at home. So we are going to play the "use your imagination version" (sorry Megan)

My purse.....picture it.....it is black.....and it is Prada.....I got it at a purse party so you KNOW it is authentic right.......

Inside.....

-a bottle of calcium pills-I say "no thank you" to osteoporosis

-2 wallets....because I am too lazy to finish the switch. One is a REAL Kate Spade...also bought at a purse party so once again....super authentic, the other is a cute little Vera Bradley wristlet thingy

-A ticket stub to my 2nd viewing of Twilight....Don't judge...it just never made it to the trash can

-An albuterol inhaler--from when I had bronchitis earlier this year

-2 lip glosses and 2 lipsticks. I am obsessed with lip color yet I never remember to put it on

-xanax AND RX strength IBP.....for my good days

-4 tubes lip ointment....Aveeno, Burts Bees, Neosporin and Keihls for you really nosy peeps

-Assorted Feminine Needs

Surprisingly that is all, but I recently switched purses so I am low on the random stuff.

Have a fabulous weekend! My plans are to find some sort of "art project" for my kids to do for their day care art show. The projects were due today. Mother of the Year.

I just realized that I forgot to TAG people for the purse thing. Excuse me while I hit publish post.

Mother of the Year and a Photo Tag

Upon leaving the house today I was quite disgusted to see that it was snowing. Not just a little....tons of fluffy most people think it is beautiful snow. See, the problem is I HATE snow. Hate it. With a passion. I know I don't have a lot to complain about because we did not get much and know some of you out there in blogland have had to dig your cars out of your driveway. Even just an inch of snow is enough to turn me into one of those assholes who drive 20mph on the highway. I know. Most of you hate people like me.

After I slid down my driveway barely missing the trash thingy at the bottom and spun my wheels out to make it up the road (really, do I really need a little light on my dashboard telling me I am sliding....duh) the kids and I were on our way. 25 seconds later I remember that my ID to get me on the base where my kids go to daycare is in my gym bag. Sigh. Being that I pretty much never go to the gym (which is also on base, and free so I really should go) I forgot to take it out of my bag and put it back in the car.

Here is where Mother of the Year comes in.....of course I cannot get up my driveway and I'm not about to drag the kids out of the car and back into the house just to run in and grab my badge. I'm also not about to leave my kids in a running car on the side of the road....come on now, I don't REALLY want someone to take them. What I did do is turn the car off (making my children suffer the agony of being in a car with no DVD playing) Lock them in and tell them mommy had to run inside quickly and I would be right back. I'm sure they enjoyed the entertainment of mommy almost busting her ass on the driveway both up and back down.

Pass me my Mother of the Year trophy. I always swore I would never leave my kids in the car but today, the forces of the universe won.

On to the photo tag---I have actually been waiting on this one to come my way. I was photo tagged by fellow Buckeye mommyofm's to do the following:

1) Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer

2) Select the 4th picture in the folder

3) Explain the picture

4) Tag 4 people to do the same

So here we have....................



Pierce and a school friend. This was in May of 2007 so he would have been 3 and a half....this park is right up the street from us and the kids' daycare does their family picnic there each year. I wish I had a good explanation for the random look on his face (mine is the one in the hat) but sadly....he probably just heard that he had to stop playing and eat lunch or something. And that hat.....It was size 12-18 months and it took me a loooooong time to convince him that it did not fit anymore. So...all this time waiting on this tag to come my way and the photo was not really any fun.

I'm going to tag
Matt at My Side of the Story
Kelly at A Day in the Chapin Life--it will give her something to do and she needs to make some blog friends
Susan in the Psych Ward
and Sarah

Have fun kids. Oh, one more thing before I hit the button.....Francesca told me I should make a perma link to my Tale of the Goose and the Queen. I'm going to go ahead and do that since I am quite convinced I will never ever come up with something so fabulous again in my entire life

Weekend recap

This weekend went by entirely too fast and was pretty much void of grown up activities. My cold is still in full force and I would much rather have stayed home and washed down cold pills with Chardonnay but what is a mommy supposed to do?

I do want to preface this by saying that Pierce came into our room at 6:01 this morning and proudly announced that he waited till the clock said 6 at the FRONT to wake us up. Next project...move to 7.

Yesterday was my office's annual children's Christmas party. They do a really realllllly good job with this. The "Santa" that we are assigned to (who are employees and not Pervy Mall Santas) will usually email you asking what they should bring up with your kids (transformers/Mickey Mouse) to you know...keep it real. You also are assigned a time so you don't have to wait in line with other snot nosed kids like when you see Pervy Mall Santa.

So, let's take a trip down memory lane to LAST year's Christmas party.


I think it is safe to say that Mallory was not impressed. Mother of the Year that I am however I threw her up there anyways to get my picture. Scrapbook moms don't screw around when it comes to must have shots like Santa visits.

Back to this year. I was flying solo since Joe had to work this weekend....Mallory has been somewhat interested in Santa this year so I had hopes that maybe I would not need to feel like a child abuser.

SUCCESS! Fritos in no way paid for this advertising.

There was also a guy there called Iguana Bob, or Rob (can you tell I paid attention?) that had all sorts of nasty things like a big ass millipede, a tarantula a tiny little alligator....and no iguana. The kids thought he was pretty cool.

After the party we had to head to a birthday party for Pierce's girlfriend (remember...no nap for me yesterday) While we were there we were blessed with our first real snow of the year and people lost their damn minds when it came to driving. What should have taken me 20 minutes to get home took me an hour. Oh, and the kicker....the only grown up activity scheduled for the weekend (dinner with Joe's work peeps)was cancelled due to bad roads.

Today we headed out to the base for Joe's Christmas party. I scored a bottle of wine in the gift exchange (you know I never did give Joe the choice to pick a gift....Wife AND Mother of the Year)we hung around in the hanger for awhile letting the kids see a military plane, helicopter and jump on some inflatable stuff and then home we came so I could score that nap (with Mallory) that I missed yesterday. Tonight after the kids go to bed, Joe and I are going to watch Stepbrothers (funniest movie EVER) and get some Thai takeout and maybe I will crack open that bottle of wine...okay, probably.

A letter to my children

My dearest children,

I know that you find life to be SO exciting that you just cant wait to begin another day. Mommy finds that so exhausting wonderful. I do however have a demand request of you.....

Pierce---mommy's sweet boy. I have known you now for 5 years. Trust me when I say that I KNOW you want a cracktart poptart, I KNOW you want dinosaur oatmeal, and I KNOW you want some juice and that the juice goes in first and THEN the water. I also know that you will want your THIRD breakfast sometime before 9am. That is what happens when you get up at dark o clock....you need 3 breakfasts. Speaking of time Pierce....last night when mommy told you not to come into my room until your clock said 6 on it. I meant 6:00, not 5:06. I understand that I may need to make that a little more clear tonight.

Mallory--- my baby. Seeing as you spend a majority of your night hogging my bed sleeping with daddy and I, Im not really sure why you feel the need to get up at dark o clock to spend even more time with us. Since you are up though....yes I will get you some milk and I will try my best to get it in the amount of time that you feel is acceptable. I will also do my very best to get Mickey Mouse on the TV as quickly as I can because as a child of the TIVO generation you know that you can demand that your BFF be on TV anytime you want it.

One more thing about being awake this early....I know I said we are going to see Santa today but guess what kids....Santa does NOT get up at dark o clock. So you are going to have to try this neat thing called PATIENCE. During this time of patience mommy is going to have some tea, and a shower. The BEST part of today is....after seeing Santa we get to go right to a birthday party which means any chance of mommy getting to score a nap today are pretty much shot to hell. You guys enjoy that nap in the car though...I will try not to fall asleep at the wheel.

Remember....Mommy loves you. Let's do this again tomorrow.