This Year I Will Gain More Weight

Yep. That's right. My New Years Resolution for 2010 is to gain more weight. I'm going to get Jerry Springer Show fat. I am not going to exercise one bit and my meals will all be fried and come with a side of cheese sauce. Expect to see me being cut out of my house on the Discovery Channel later this year.

Why such an awesome goal for this year? Why not the typical "I am going to lose weight and get in shape" goal that most of us make, and that I have made damn near every year since I graduated college?

Because I am smarter than myself. That's why. Each year I make that typical lose weight/eat better BS resolution. And each year I proceed to do the exact opposite. So since my SELF is so determined to outwit myself...you following me here? This year I'm going to fool myself into losing weight and working out by telling myself that I want to get fat(ter). Genius right? I don't know why mySELF did not come up with this years ago.

I've already started my trickery. Knowing that it is my goal to gain weight I went to the gym yesterday for a swim. Today I had a 190 calorie muffin for breakfast and got my starbucks in the non fat variety. So there self.

Who is with me here people?

Have you seen my creativity?

Because I sure as hell have not. I have looked, I'm considering putting up an award for it.

Part of my problem I know is that I have changed jobs within my company. No longer am I working in the awesome call center environment that allowed me the free time between calls to actually LISTEN to the voices in my head and put those thoughts here for your reading pleasure. This also explains the crappy job I have been doing commenting on the 200 blogs I keep in my reader. I'm back to actually carrying a physical work load of files versus waiting on the next call to come in. What is funny is that I fought tooth and nail that I was NOT going into the call center with a college degree thankyouverymuch. Yeah, joke was on me. I loved it and I cannot wait to go back.

So what to blog about today? I could talk all about how Pierce is kicking ass in flag football...now that he gets that he only pulls the flag from the OTHER team. I could tell you how I shelled out $100 for Mallory to be a cheerleader for his team only to have her cheer one game and decide she hated it. Man that sucked because she looks SO cute in that outfit with those little pom poms.

Oh, I could blog about how I totally SUCK at dieting and how Joe has lost 13lbs doing weight watchers.....I lost 5 and then had to be on steroids for 2 weeks and gained it back!

I could also tell you about my new crackberry blackberry and how I squeal in delight every time I get a new IM or find something new that it does

But.....I should probably get back to reading medical records and making decisions on those darn insurance applications.

It is my anniversary.....AKA Q and A pt 3

7 years ago today Joe became the luckiest man alive. Yep, today is our anniversary! Isn't this when that 7 year itch is supposed to kick in? I'm not really sure what that is honestly but I hope it involves me shopping more.

In the past 7 years Joe has learned more about me than any other person has. Joe has this wicked power to read my mind. Kind of like this morning when I told him that I was not going to shave my legs again until he unclogged the drain in my shower. It's fall...I can rock these hairy legs till spring if need be. Without me even implying what I really meant he knew that there would be no sex until I stop showering in 6 inches of water. Guess what, my shower got fixed today. See, it is moments like this.....our flawless communication that makes us a match made in heaven.

What better day than today to take on Martha's questions from my Q&A post a few weeks back. Ms Martha asks.....

"what is your most favorite food in the world besides wine and cooked goose? And how did you and hubby meet?"

I heart Martha....she knows me well....she knows all about my hatred for geese (unless they are dead) and my love for wine. The kind of food that will kick weight watchers right in the ass where I am concerned is chips and salsa. Is that random enough? It has to be GOOD salsa though (bonus if it is from Chipolte)none of that Tostitos crap....I want real fresh yummy salsa. I want it now actually.

New topic before I lose control and head to Chipolte. Martha also asked how Joe and I met....this is where I get lazy and direct you HERE because I am entirely too lazy to type all of that out again. Plus I need to run and get some chips and salsa.

Ouch

Before I grumble about my pain I would like to point you towards my book blog. I was given the opportunity to review a book called Reunion by Therese Fowler. My review is up and if you are interested I am giving away the copy that I was given....you have to post over there if you want to be entered and I am having random.org pick the winner on Friday.

Now onto my regularly scheduled bitching.

I am sore. Why? Yesterday I tried something new.....I ran. Without a fire, a sale in the wine aisle or Edward Cullen cheering me on (oh wait, more on that in a minute).

A few months back Kami (cool name right?) sent me a program to get started on a running program. While I have never EVER been a runner, or even WANTED to be a runner, I thought that it would be a good way to get in shape and drop some weight.

Then I was given a little more incentive to want to do this......My sweet friend Andrea lost her husband in a tragic work accident last fall. Andrea and the company that her husband Matt worked for are having The 1st Annual "Run for Row" Memorial 5k.

When I first heard about this I knew right away that I wanted to be there to support Andrea and my other friends that would be running, no way did I plan to RUN in it. Actually I still don't have plans to run in it but maybe I could run/walk it. We will see.

Yesterday was day 1 towards "maybe" doing this. We will see how I do in the next few weeks....this week was the easy week.

Today I hurt like hell. To say I am out of shape is being nice.

Oh and Edward......he actually DID kind of help. I had Twilight (the movie) playing on my iPod while I was on the treadmill....in my mind I was running to him........heehee

Tag, Im it! Things that mad me MAD

I have been tagged by Mrs Och for a "10 Things that piss me off" meme. FUN. I enjoy complaining from time to time so this will be therapeutic

1)Winter. Yep, the whole darn season. I could not just pick one aspect of it because there are soooo many to choose from. Icy driveways, dirty slushy roads, the feeling of the inside of your nose freezing when you breath....and my favorite....big ass hunks of ice flying off of semi trucks that you never know if and when they will hit you. Yep, Winter pisses me off.

2)Dieting. I know that SOME people try and tell me that it is "not a diet, it is a lifestyle" Bite me. I hate dieting. I don't WANT a Lean Cuisine meal I want Chipolte. mmmmm, Chipolte......

3)I mentioned this in a post of mine waaaaay back at the beginning of my blog but I am bringing it up again because it really grates on my nerves. People who laugh for NO REASON AT ALL. Like they are nervous about something. I said it then and I will say it now....what are are you so nervous about? Do you have a dead body in your car?

4)Having some of my bestest friends EVER live in dumb places like Texas, New York and New Jersey. Now before you get your panties all in bunches take note....I really don't think these places are dumb at all.....I'm just bitter that I don't get to see these girls without spending money to get there. That said TOMORROW I fly out to play.....Wonder if I will have my very first "blunk" session while I am there? (blogging while drunk....get it) Wow....I just got off track....

5)When my husband answers a question I ask him with the word (if you can call it that) "eh" This gets on my nerves SO badly and he knows it. From here on out I am going to interpret "eh" to be the answer that I WANT. So if you don't want me to go shopping say "NO" not "eh" because "eh" means that I am bringing home like 8 pairs of shoes.

6)People who hurt their children. I had such a hard time with this yesterday and I don't want to get into thinking about it again but let me just say.....I hope these people get hit by the karma bus big time.......I try to "hate the sin and not the sinner" as I have been told but I want to dig the eyes out of anyone who hurts their own babies.....with a fork. I am not a violent person but this realllllllllly pushes me towards the edge of it

7)Parts of the "system" This is a new one right now because of a family member. Parts of the system that say you can't have a restraining order against someone unless there is "enough" incidences to warrant one. So what.....??? Call back after he assaults her? mmmmkay.

8)Whining. not to be excused with WINING which would be on my "list of things that make me happy" The ability of a child to stretch a one syllable word into a 5 syllable word is like nails on a chalkboard to me.

9)My Dryer. My dryer is out to get me. Not only is it notorious for eating socks as most dryers are but mine shrinks my clothes. All the time. Sometimes more then once.....the dryer shrinks them.....yep.....that is my story......damn dryer

10)Lastly....BARKING. This is a problem. I have 2 very small yappy dogs. I want to put a shock collar on them. The things they bark at include but are certainly not limited to
-cats
-kids
-toys that make noise
-anything living that has the audacity to step into our yard
-the act of standing up....yes, sometimes when I stand up to walk into another room the littlest yappy dog FLIPS OUT. Like he thinks he has to protect me from the unknown.
-each other. One cannot bark alone.

I'm not tagging because I think we could ALL use this therapy session and if you want it....you may have it!

2009

So I'm starting out 2009 with an award from Stephanie! Thank you dear.....I KNOW that 2009 has wonderful things in store for you! This is the 2009 New Year's Spirit award and I'm accepting it with a smile because this year I WILL follow through with my goal. I'm not going to call it a resolution because I never keep those. This year it is my GOAL to eat better, exercise more and find that skinny girl I used to be. Having babies has wreaked havoc on my body but I'm tired of using that as an excuse not to fit back into the sizes I used to wear. This year I WILL eat better, I WILL exercise more....not just to lose weight but to set an example for my kids and to just all around feel BETTER physically and mentally. I think I'm going to look back into Weight Watchers online. I liked it back when I tried it a few years back because you can keep track of everything on the computer vs those darn booklets. So here's to 2009 I'm hoping to come back on Feb 1 and tell you all I have lost 10 pounds this month for a start! Wishing you all a healthy happy New Year and feel free to tell me what your goals are this coming year and join the dieting bandwagon with me!