She Sells Sea Shells

Hello from fabulous Holden Beach, North Carolina! We made it here without having to strap a single child to the top of the van! Hooray!!

We make our trek from Ohio to NC in 2 days because frankly I cannot deal with being trapped in such a confined space with my children for longer than the 6 hours on day one. I realllllly wanted to stop for some duck tape around 8PM last night when instead of falling asleep like sweet angels in the car they kept freaking talking all the way till 11PM

We got here around 1 today and after unloading the car decided to take a quick trip down to the water which is right across the street from the beach house. While walking up to the walkway Mallory asked me if she could have a coconut on the beach. Awwww, how sweet....she is going to LOVE the beach

If my daughter used the colorful language that I am fond of I think she would have said the following....."WHAT THE HELL IS THAT AND NO WAY AM I PUTTING MY ASS IN IT!!!!" To say she was not impressed with the ocean is a mild understatement. Add to the fact that she was running on no nap and I had quiet a witchy little thing with me. While Pierce ran around joyfully shouting that he loves the beach and loves the ocean and was having a grand old time Witchy McBrat scowled at the water, at me, at the other people on the beach and told me that she was NOT going to get wet. Bet me. I picked her up and carried her to the VERY edge of where the water was coming up and put her down on her feet. The water barely touched her toes when she went screaming holy hell back up to the blankets and told me to "get her outta there" She did find a bit of fun in collecting shells and putting them in her bucket and that may be the ONLY way we get her back down to the sand.

Made a quick stop to the store to stalk up on wine necessities and we are taking it easy tonight.

Tomorrow it is back to torturing one kid and building sand castles with the other

Dear So and So

I almost forgot that it was the day to send out my hate mail love notes to all who have blessed me this past week. If you want to play along head on over to Kat's place and link up.

Dear Kat,

I heart you, I heart your blog. But I hate you just a tiny bit right now for being too busy to blog because you are "roaming the English countryside" rub it in why don't you,
Love, Jealous in Ohio

Dear Joe,
I don't feel good today and I'm trying to keep this in mind when I find myself being annoyed at you calling me 18 times today while trying to get stuff ready to leave after work. Really though, you needed my advice on a swim suit for Pierce? You are there, I am at work, make a decision and move on

Love, your cranky wife

Dear Sister In Law,
Thanks for pissing Joe off on father's day. You pissed off one sister on Halloween so I am guessing that 4th of July goes to the last sister. For what it's worth, Joe does not get THAT angry all that often and you made him wreck the car in the garage pissed and that takes a lot.
Hating Drama That I Do Not Cause, Cammie

Dear Kallie the Cat,
I love that you have started to sleep with us. I'm not sure you realize just how lucky you are that Scarlet allows this. However, if you continue to kneed my stomach for 20 minutes to make what is already squishy fit your comfort needs I will send you down to Florida to make friends with the serial cat killer.

Love, Mommy

My Darling Mallory,
I know you are scared of thunder storms but I promise they will NOT kill you. Kindly remove yourself from my ass

Love, Mommy

Dear Michael Jackson,
While you did get a bit strange over the years, I will always remember that Thriller was the first video I ever saw on MTV. You are an icon of my childhood and your death will be the Elvis of my generation

Rest In Piece, Cammie

Dear HTML,
Typing you out gets on my nerves. which explains the lack of consistency between paragraphs on this post. This is me not caring.
Love Cammie

A plague upon my house

You know what sucks? Pierce getting strep. You know what else sucks? ME getting strep. You know what sucks the most? Pierce and I getting strep 2 days before we leave for vacation and just waiting for Mallory and Joe to be struck down

Yes the sickie ickies have descended upon The House Of No Sleep. No doubt caused by a goose somewhere. Pierce was sent home with a fever on Wed, diagnosis strep. I stayed home with him yesterday, started feeling a little nasty as the day went on so I took myself to the Dr. He handed me my amoxocillan and sent me on my way.

One thing about sick Cammie is that I do NOT screw around with sleep. I took the kids to school today and came home and slept until noon. I sound SUPER sexy and manly today...kind of like my name should be Marge and I should be driving a bus somewhere.

We leave tomorrow for vacation....we are beach bound and I am SO excited to play with the kids at the beach...praying that Mallory and Joe don't get sick in the next few days.

Please excuse my lack of comments these last few days....I was cuddling with my sick boy yesterday and today I'm just kind of laying on the couch feeling all BLAH. Since I have a sick obsession with my laptop I have a hard time being unconnected to the Internet I will be blogging away from the beach while we are gone!

Since I am fresh out of wittiness today I will leave you with a Pierce funny. Yesterday we were at the Dr reading a book in the waiting room and the story mentioned a housekeeper. Pierce asked me what a housekeeper was. I told him it was someone who cooked and cleaned and took care of the house and that mommy wishes SHE had one. His response....We do.....DADDY! God I love that kid.

Bras Are Dumb

As I sit here typing this morning the under wire in my bra is poking out and is stabbing me in the side of my boob. Yep, another bra bites the dust. Something I hate just as much as WEARING a bra is shopping for one. I hate spending that much money on an article of clothing that just makes me miserable anyways. 2 things that I take off as soon as I get home.....shoes (okay 3 things) and bra

So I started thinking.....if bras were just a little bit cooler, or they had multiple uses maybe I would not hate them so much. That of course led me on a search for the perfect bra

Exhibit A

A place to keep your goldfish. This serves more than one purpose because not only can you keep your goldfish close, but you can also get a little extra as far as size goes. I personally would choose piranha as a friendly reminder to Joe as to who is in charge. Careful not to pop them, because then you have dead fish.

Speaking of getting groped.....for those of you who DO want to be groped at or for you single ladies that encourage it we have exhibit B

This bra is PERFECT if your man needs a little extra help finding the girls. I would change this one a bit too......red means stop....green means go....and yellow means hurry up because something better is about to come on TV

Now if Joe wanted a guarantee to get some every single day he could invest in Exhibit C.....the bra made off 1 million dollars worth of diamonds. It may not be comfortable but man is it pretty.....and I keep telling him that my boobs are priceless.

In my search for awesome bras I did come across a few that were not so awesome. They were so not awesome that most I could not blog about while at work in fear of my boss walking by while I'm posting the pic of the bra made out of bacon. Use your imagination kids.....bacon is yummy.....but not raw and not in a size DD.

Here is one that I CAN share.....but what can I say about this bra other than it is just fowl.....hardee har har

Now if you are like me and you just dream of living in a world where letting the girls fly is acceptable (hmmm, I would SO be an excellent member of a tribe somewhere.....oh wait, no computer....never mind)then you can use your old bras for more creative ideas. Such as a place to plant your garden

Or make a pretty handbag out of it

I had a few other ideas that did not come with pictures so I will leave you to your imagination.....sling shot bra, goose choking bra....and my personal favorite.....lasso a hot vampire bra

The possibilities are ENDLESS ladies (and drag queens). Don't let your bra suffocate you.....free the girls and free the world.......

Random Messages to Random People

My friend Kat over at Three Bedroom Bungalow has started a fun new topic for venting out to all of the people/things that are pushing your buttons. Since I tend to find venting SUPER therapeutic I figure I will play along.

Dear Joe,
You have been out of town this week and I have really missed you. Even though it IS a work trip and not a vacation you still have not had to wipe anyone's ass but your own. Incidentally...when you told me that you were stopping in Chicago to visit your buddy ON THE WAY home from ST LOUIS and spending the night I did not pay much attention to the geography of said locations. Guess what, you are busted. When you get home tomorrow I am clocking out.

Love, Your Tired Wife

Dear Yorkie,
You are over a year old now. If you do not stop crapping in the house 5 minutes after I let you inside I just may kill you. One more thing--when you eat all of the little bone pieces out of your food and leave the square pieces and whine until I fill your already full bowl up so you can pick out more little bone pieces....that gets on my nerves. You are just as bad as the kids.

Love, Mommy

Dear Cat #1,
Cleaning up your hair balls every day is getting tiresome. Kudos though for having just enough aim to throw up all over Pierce's flip flop. I'm sure that took talent

Love, Mommy

Dear Mallory,
I don't think you or your bother will EVER know how much I love you both. However, when I tuck you into bed smelling so clean from your bath, kiss you goodnight and close your door Mommy does not want to see you again until much later. Imagine how I soiled my pantieshow high I jumped last night when about an hour after I put you to bed you started screaming like someone had set your bed on fire. Oh my poor sweet princess....did your stupid ass "moon in my room" that I wish Santa never broughtprecious LUNA turn off? Like it does EVERY NIGHT? What a crisis. I know this must be horrible for you but please don't scream like that again or I will throw Luna out your window

Love, your incontinent Mommy

Dear Pierce,
Mommy's sweet boy. You are getting so big and so so smart. It appears that yesterday you learned something about weather. When you looked at me like I was the biggest idiot you knowthis morning and told me that "The sound of thunder is NOT Jesus bowling in Heaven Mommy, it is ACTUALLY the sound of 2 clouds hitting each other" I was so proud of you, and just a little sad that you are getting too smart to be lied to.

Love, Mommy

Dear Weather On My Drive in This Morning,
SUCK IT!! I don't enjoy dodging lightning bolts. I also don't enjoy seeing my kids FAH-Reak out like we are going to die any second (although I did kind of enjoy watching Mallory try and pick her cup up with her elbows while her hands were over hear ears)Please move on by tomorrow....I have a outdoor appointment with a photographer for the kids tomorrow and I don't want to cancel it.

Cammie

Someone piss in your Wheaties this morning? Want to play along? Go visit Kat and LINK UP!!

Teenage girls are EVIL

How do you I know this you ask? Being the mother of a 3 year old daughter I cannot possibly know this. Well let me tell you HOW I know this.

My poor Edward.....please note the following which is taken from a site that I stalk...

Rob Pattinson is quickly learning the hazards of filming a movie in New York City - he was hit by a taxi cab on Thursday while running away from hysterical fans!

RadarOnline.com witnessed the Twilight star get clipped by a cab around noon in front of the Strand Bookstore on Broadway and 12th Street.

He was not hurt.

The 23-year-old London-born actor had been inside most of the morning filming scenes for his new movie Remember Me.

A team of five security guards were trying to fend off a crowd of teenaged girls when Rob was leaving the bookstore.

It was pouring rain as they tried to hustle him quickly across the busy street to the safety of his trailer.

Some of the teen girls were hysterical and Rob rushed across the road. As he did so, a taxi grazed him. The cabbie slammed on his brakes as soon as he realized what had happened.

It appeared as if the cab hit Rob in the hip. He stood there for a moment looking stunned. The bodyguard next to him checked if he was okay and then screamed at the fans: "You see what you did, you almost killed him!"

Pattinson will be shooting around Manhattan for the next four weeks

SERIOUSLY.....all of you stupid Edward Rob Pattinson obsessed teen girls almost killed MY boyfriend. Simmer down and dont make me sick the Voluti on you. And how did ALICE not see this coming?? If you are going to stalk him please do it like an adult and resort to peaking in his windows at night and sending him snips of your hair.

KIDDING.......or AM I?

See you next month

That is about the time I will get done visiting all of you who commented yesterday. Whew, being the featured blogger at SITS was fun!!! I am going to spend most of the day getting back to everyone!

Did you stick around? I noticed I have a few tons of new followers! I can't see my follow list from work (stupid firewalls) so let me know if you stuck around for the madness!

I promise to get back to normal blogging tomorrow...but for now I'm off to check YOU all out.