Selling a house.....kind of sucks

So not loving the process of selling my house. Don't get me wrong, I really REALLY want it to sell but the "showing" part of it is 76 shades of on my nerves.

This is how it works. The realtor people call me with only an hour or so of notice and ask to show. Usually this occurs while I am at work. I leave work, hence sucking up my personal time (of which I only get so many hours per year), run home, turn on all my lights, spray the house with febrize cooking smell shit to make it all home-y, turn on my super cool Wii aquarium, get my dogs and leave. People who don't have pets have it WAY easy when it comes to home selling. This is where the real fun begins. Since I have stalker tendencies and patience issues I like to circle my hood and wait until I see the people are actually IN my house. Then I place myself strategically at the bottom of my road so I can see what kind of people are looking at my house, but also so I know when they are gone and I can throw the dogs BACK inside and get back to work.

The other day it went something like this. I get home, do all of the above steps, and sit in my car with 2 dogs and wait. And wait. And wait. Usually they show up towards the beginning of their hour and are gone 10-15 minutes later. Not so much this time. As I wait I notice Pierce's DS in the car with me. SCORE. I start to play random Mario mini games.....did you know you can play poker on Super Mario Bros? THEN I notice that the old dude who's house I'm chilling out beside giving me the eyeball. Like he is nervous that the chick rocking the mini van with a poodle and a Yorkie might be a threat to the hood. I end up getting out and talking to him for a few minutes, explained my situation, and once he knew I was not casing the joint but that I OWNED the joint he was good to go. Get back in my car and the phone rings. Douche bag realtor running late, had to cancel. May as well have light a fire to my hour and a half of personal time.

Also fun was the 614-715 showing last night. Only because Mallory had not had a bath since Sunday and was starting to have a cloud ala Pig Pen from Snoopy following her around. Thankfully I have a close friend who lives by. I packed up kids and dogs and totally gave my daughter a bath at my friend's house. Speaking of the kids......they are pretty much over it too. They are tired of me making them keep their toy room spotless ALL the time, tired of me telling them not to get stuff out. The only thing they think is cool is looking for the "card" that the realtor leaves behind.

Sigh. Please send house selling vibes. The tax credit is over in like 8 days and I am running out of places to hide STUFF

D-Bag Mom Sends Adopted Kid Back To Russia

So I am sure most of you heard that some douche bag mother of the year sent her 8 year old adopted kid BACK to Russia, ALONE. Yeah, I get that she thought he was psychotic, and a danger to her family, but really? Just send him back with a note?"

So today I happen across a poll on CNN.com asking if adoptive parents should be permitted to return their kids. I was surprised that it was fairly close at something like 46% yes and 54% no. Really? I think this is total and complete crap. If I can't send my kids back to where THEY came from why should other parents be able to do so? And way to screw up international adoptions from Russia!

asshat

Have You Ever............

Tried to sell a house with 2 kids (not to mention 2 dogs and 2 cats) living in it? Yeah, well it is not easy. In fact it just plain sucks. We have so much shit STUFF. So much. So much stuff that when they are not watching I'm throwing away random happy meal toys, or small toys with pieces missing. The house is clean.....even the toy room, but the hard part is KEEPING it that way. Getting the kids to actually put their crap away when they get it out vs just leaving stuff all over the play room. Making beds every morning.....which makes me late for work! I've never really been one for making beds every morning to be honest. What is the point? We are just going to mess it up again with all that mad sex we have every single day

While I have been trying to organize and clean stuff Joe has been busting his butt doing the "manly stuff". Painting, putting in new faucets in the bathrooms (goodbye 1980's) shampooing the carpet, ect. He cusses an awful lot while doing home improvement (or putting things together that require one of those little wrench things). He is also guaranteed to say each of the following phrases...."Sonofabitch" and "This doesn't make any sense"

We have had 3 showings this first week it has been up. Today starts week 2. I'm trying very hard not to be excited about the house we want to build and where we want to build it because until we sell our house we cant do anything. I'm not one for patience. Shocker I know.

I just want it to sell and sell fast so I can go live in an apartment for 6 months with said 2 kids, 2 dogs and 2 cats. I mean who doesn't want to do THAT?

Wish us luck! Do I even have anyone left in bloggy land to WISH me luck? I know, I'm a slacker....

Horny Geese Suck

Not sure there is much else to say when you get an email from your place of employment that says the following

A goose is nesting near the pond path. There have been some reports that the goose’s mate is acting in an aggressive nature toward people walking on or near the path. Until further notice please do not walk on the pond path.

I refuse to be a victim

Hardwood Floors+Small Dogs=Awesome

Ahhhhh, order has somewhat been restored in The House of No Sleep. Well, as much order as there ever was I suppose. The fine workers from Lowe's left my house on Wed and from there began the process of putting the house back together. And with it, my sanity

3 days without TV for my kids was like poor Tiger going 3 days without sexting with some skank. And when the kids don't have TV to entertain him....they want Joe and I to do it. I kid I kid....I really do STUFF with them...I just love me some Phineus and Ferb when I want to say take a crap without a small child on my lap, or refill my wine glass.

But I digress.

Hardwood floors laminate with tiny bark-y dogs.....WICKED FUN

Gone are the days when I have to interact with my husband and children for amusement. Now I find it in the form of a rawhide and a yorkie (I don't mess with Scarlet....she is my baby). I will spend HOURS upon HOURS of watching the yorkie slide across the floor in pursuit of whatever toy I have tossed. I feel like a need a point system....5 points if he hits a wall for example. When he goes running after the cats?? He is like poor Scooby running from a ghost....his feet are moving but it just takes him a good 10 seconds to get anywhere. It. Is. Awesome. I wish I had video to share but instead I will just show off the new floors!

you can see small bark-y dog down in the corner...little does he know the fun that will soon be had

PS--on a totally unrelated note....although I guess it does sort of have to do with DOGS....who can guess what Im buying this weekend? Who is with me?

The price of remodeling

Yeah, so I'm not talking about the monetary price although that was a bit rough too. I'm talking about the mental price! For the next 3 days my house will be in total chaos. More so than usual.

Joe and I spent the weekend moving our living room into the family room toy room. At first the kids thought it was cool to have random furniture piled up in their space but that did not last long. We also had to clean out 2 closets that have not seen the light of day since Betty White was a little girl.

The most fun though was watching poor Joe tear out the cabinet and sink in our downstairs bathroom. It cost him 2 trips to Lowes and almost a finger. Good times. I had the task of cleaning the dining room. See, we don't so much DINE in the dining room. We have a beautiful round table in there and we use it to store our STUFF. By stuff I mean anything we don't know what to do with. I cant even define STUFF because it was truly just a whole lot of random.

Most of the STUFF in the dining room was my scrapbook stuff. It was everywhere!! I was in dire need of some organization. So, I talked Joe into letting me claim a little corner of it for my "craft". It was SUPER pretty until we moved more crap into the dining room that overflowed from the toy room



The biggest crisis of the day though? No, it was not trying to throw random kid toys away while they were not looking (I was like a ninja), it was not finding missing neighborhood children under our couches(ew)....it was THIS

Look close class....do you see what that is? That is my wine rack and in front of it is a CHAIR and tons of other crap. Guess who forgot to pull out a bottle prior to it being blocked? Guess who sent her husband climbing through it all to pull me out a rescue bottle? NOW who's a ninja??

Come Wednesday though it will be all worth it. I will have beautiful new floors and will be able to spend my free time watching my dogs try to run on laminate hardwood. And when cats puke up smaller cats on my floor a quick wipe up will take care of it. Good times? Indeed

Please go visit my bloggy friend Jenny. She has opened up a new store (oh how I wish I could sew)and is having a give a way!

The Ultimate **** Blocker

Yeah, I can't so much use that word in the title of my blog post....but the story has to be told. The story of how a 10lb dog is the ultimate cock blocker

I have mentioned Scarlet before here. Told you how she is my first baby, how I've had her longer than I've had Joe. Well, he seems to forget that she tends to be a tad on the possessive side....and I don't mean of me.

Scarlet respects sleep as much as I do. Maybe even more though I don't see how that is possible. She spends most of the day sleeping in my basket of laundry....be it clean or dirty. Of course at night she sleeps with us. Has been in my bed for 13 years and let's face it.....that is the longest ANYONE has been in my bed.

The point of all of this is what occured on Saturday morning. My kids actually slept until 7 on Saturday. This is like a once every 6 month occurrence. Even better was that when the did get up they were receptive to the idea of putting a movie on in Pierce's room allowing us just a little more time to sleep in. Riddle me this.....what part of SLEEP IN means slide over and try to make out with me? Before I've even really opened my eyes. You know, that subtle pressing against you that is REALLY FREAKING ANNOYING??

Fast forward a few minutes. I still have not killed Joe.... and he this he assumes is the green light to get even friskier when really it just means I'm too lazy to even yell at him. Ahhhh, but the force field is in the way. And she is not ready to wake up yet and she is no where NEAR ready to be asked to move to the foot of the bed. Scarlet is all curled up between us and has no immediate plans to move.

Joe asks nicely...patting at the foot of the bed. She looks at him in disgust and closes her eyes again. He tries to play master and a little firmer tells her to move. She growls at him. He then decides to play with fire and pick her up. And almost loses a finger. Yeah, she snapped at him pretty good and I giggled while he muttered something about her being a cock blocker.

The end of this story did not turn out the way Joe had hoped. The moral? Extra sleep in time does NOT mean we are having the sexy time. It means I am going back to sleep and maybe if you are lucky you will get some later that night.

Maybe