So proud to share a hometown with THIS hot mess

I came across this little tidbit of awesome-ness in the news yesterday. Then BFF Liz sent it to me in an article not only because it is just that random but because this incident occurred in the town that I had the pleasure of growing up in.

Feast your eyes upon the motorized bar stool

Some dumb ass super smart guy in my home town came up with this little contraption. Now, don't get me wrong....back in the day I really could have used this. It was a long walk from the bar that played 80s music on Thursday nights back to the sorority house on campus. Especially in the winter time. Since I tend to be a bit on the lazy side I think it would be pretty cool to pony up on one of these...pass all the other people headed to the bar and get the best table. At the end of the night I was usually super trashed mildly buzzed (the perks of having the bartender be your roommate) and here is where the problems would kick in.

See, my problem is not so much with the motorized bar stool as it is with the DUI he got for riding it up the street wasted. Yes, you read that correctly. He got a DUI. I'm a huge fan of NOT driving under the influence.

Let me give you some specifics. It can reach speeds up to about 38mph but he was only going about 20 when he WRECKED IT. When the officers reported to the scene and found Stupid McDumbass sitting with his crashed up barstool they handed him a citation for drunk driving. With a suspended license no less.

Believe it or not you can buy KITS to make these and they are not cheap....I found (thank you google) that these kits run from $700-$800. From the looks of it though, our hero made his using parts of a lawn mower. Way to be frugal during the recession.

The town that I grew up in has long been known to be a little on the hick side but it has come far in trying to break that image. It even has a SUPER Wal-Mart now. It is hard enough being a city in LICKING county without putting a target like this out in the news.

Yes, the town I grew up in may have come far but this guy just took us back a few notches into the white trash side of the scale.

Not Me Monday---for Stellan

I know a lot of you are skipping Not Me Monday since Stellan is so sick, but I wanted to still do it since so many of us are still thinking about him and praying for him. So, since this IS MckMama's blog carnival.....instead of posting her Not Me Monday button, I'm going to throw up THIS beautiful picture and remind everyone (as if you needed that) to pray for Stellan and the entire MckFamily

I did NOT spend a lot of time this weekend refreshing Twitter and my reader in hopes to see some good news about Stellan.

I did NOT want to cry for a baby I have never met each time MckMama's heart broke a little more with each status she put out there.

I did NOT go through Stellan's name gallery on MckMama's blog and show Joe all of the cool places where Stellan's name has been.

I did NOT smile thinking about all of the people this little baby has touched all before he was even a year old.

Happy Monday......hopefully next Monday we will all NOT be posting about how thrilled we are that Stellan is on the mend......

CRAZY.....Party of ONE.....your table is ready....

Seriously.....some of the random stuff that happens in my world makes me wonder if I'm not part of some Truman Show type experiment. Ran by geese. Let's rewind my morning about an hour.....*insert flashback music here*

I pulled my rocking fabulous crumb covered mini van into a parking spot at work. I grabbed my purse, my starbucks, my bag of plastic eggs and candy to give to my mom for the kids egg hunt, and the large kindergarten prep packet I need to look at, and opened my door.

And my panic alarm/horn goes off.

Well crap, I must have hit the button or something when I threw stuff in my purse. Put my stuff down, pulled my keys out and hit the little red button that makes it stop.

BEEEEEPBEEEEEEEPBEEEEEPBEEEEEEEPBEEEEEPBEEEEEEEPBEEEEEPBEEEEEEEP

That is strange. Put my keys in the ignition, start the car.

BEEEEEPBEEEEEEEPBEEEEEPBEEEEEEEPBEEEEEPBEEEEEEEPBEEEEEPBEEEEEEEP

ummmm.??

Random co worker walks by. Stares at me. I grin like an asshole and wave.

BEEEEEPBEEEEEEEPBEEEEEPBEEEEEEEPBEEEEEPBEEEEEEEPBEEEEEPBEEEEEEEP

Call Joe. Everything stupid is his fault. He is aware of this yet for some reason he always gets annoyed when I get pissed at him for things that are beyond his control.

BEEEEEPBEEEEEEEPBEEEEEPBEEEEEEEPBEEEEEPBEEEEEEEP

"hey honey....you hear that?"

"ummm, yes...."

"Isn't that AWESOME, I cant get it to turn off"

"Press the red button on your keys"

"THANK YOU Captain Obvious, I already tried that"

"try starting the car"

"Did that, do you think I'm stupid?"

"Don't get pissy with me, you called me to help you"

"Well I want you to FIX IT not tell me the easy stuff"

he laughs....."It is actually kind of funny"

"No it is not....people are staring at me when they walk by....SIGH Goodbye!!"

BEEEEEPBEEEEEEEPBEEEEEPBEEEEEEEPBEEEEEPBEEEEEEEPBEEEEEPBEEEEEEEP

More random co-workers walk by. One suggests that I hit the red button on my keys.

Finally I somehow get it to stop. Must of been the combo of cussing and psychotic button pushing. I open the door......

BEEEEEPBEEEEEEEPBEEEEEPBEEEEEEEPBEEEEEPBEEEEEEEPBEEEEEPBEEEEEEEP

This time I get out, shut the door and just stare at my car in bewilderment. The security guard pulls up next to me. The same guy who laughed at me during the goose attack of 08.

"Cant get it to turn off. I don't know what is wrong with it"

"Did you push the red button on your keys"

"Sure did" if one more person asks me this I will stab them with my keys"

Try all the same things as above and somehow it stops again. I look around.....somewhere is a goose with a spare set of my keys laughing....I know it. Whew, okay....ready to go inside.....and my purse is in the car.

Guess what.

BEEEEEPBEEEEEEEPBEEEEEPBEEEEEEEPBEEEEEPBEEEEEEEPBEEEEEPBEEEEEEEP

I could not make this shit up if I tried.

Finally again get it to stop. By now I have had the security guard looking for the fuse to yank it out. It is important to note that I had a hitch installed on my van yesterday for the pop up we bought. The only thing I can think is that the good peeps at U-Haul somehow crossed some wires or something. I hate them.

I fear leaving for lunch. How early is too early for xanax?

Guest Blogger Today!

Hello all! I was contacted by a new author a few weeks back asking if she could guest blog on GirlsWithBooks and of course I said YES and that I would love to have her HERE too! She also gave me the opportunity to read her book The Truth Lies In the Dark which I loved! You can read my review of it over on the book site but here is a guest blog from Kristin Callender!

Hi readers and fans of Girls With Books. I am happy to be here and want to thank Cammie and Kelly for having me as a guest. I love that you make reading sexy. In fact, it inspired me to make writing sexy, so I am wearing my bikini to write this ;) Brrr...and it is not quite a beach day here (24 degrees). I am Kristin Callender, author of The Truth Lies in the Dark. Please, sit down, grab a cup of coffee (or whatever your drink of choice is) and enjoy some girl talk.

I am asked all the time how I find time to write. Anyone that knows me knows that I am a full time mom of four kids, wife of one big kid :) and a part time substitute teacher (and not really wearing a bikini). My answer is usually, I don't find time; I make it. But I will let out a little secret here, just between us girls ;)...

It is not that hard to find or make time for something you enjoy. It is my escape from real life, which is why I love reading books also. Not to say that real life is all that bad, but it's real and if your lucky most days go by without much drama. You drive the kids here and pick them up there, figure out what's for dinner, throw in some laundry so you don't have to wear those same jeans again tomorrow, and so your kids don't steal your socks again, look at that pile of dishes in the sink and wonder where that dish fairy has been. You know what I'm saying; that kind of real life.

When I am writing I get to create the characters and place them in a story and see what happens. I can put them in dangerous situations or romantic embraces, basically I can control how much or how little drama they encounter. And unlike my real life creations, when my characters are not behaving the way I want them to I can turn off the computer and walk away. Try that with a temper throwing child who is starving for a cookie before dinner.

As much as I enjoy writing, I am amazed how much I didn't know about the whole publishing process. I thought that writing a book was the hard part. Then I had to find out how to get a publisher. It took a lot of research and a lot of rejections before I finally got my contract with BlueWater Press (Thanks Joe and Ardis!). Then it took another eighteen months to see my book in print. Now I am in the marketing and promotion part, and looking back I have to say that each step was equally challenging.

Thankfully there are also rewards along the way. I wrote a book and got it published, and to make it even better, my son, Michael designed the cover. Friends of ours said that his painting of New York City at night would make a great cover. So I took some pictures of it and submitted them to my editor and he agreed. Most moms get to show off their kids artwork on the refrigerator, I get to hold up my book. He is a talented artist and I am so proud to share this accomplishment with him.

Thanks again for stopping by Girls With Books. I hope that I have inspired other busy moms and non moms to make the time to do something you enjoy. If you want more information about me, the book, or my Book Blog Tour you can go my website. http://sites.google.com/site/kristincallenderbooks

The Truth Lies in the Dark by Kristin Callender is available on www.amazon.com/Truth-Lies-Dark-Kristin-Callender/dp/1604520140 and is the 'Featured Book of the Month' on www.bluewaterpress.com .

(almost) Wordless Wednesday

Click Here and pray for Stellan

yet another product that women should not have to live without

I meant to actually include this fabulous find in with my reusable feminine products, but I got so carried away that I forgot. That is okay, because truly it deserves it's own recognition. Are you ready?

May I introduce you to the pStyle. (yes, that is what it is really called)

This ladies is a dream come true.....the answer to our prayers. Come on now be honest.....how many of you have found yourselves wishing that you could pee standing up? Well now you can!!

The pStyle allows you the freedom that those darn men have always had....pee anywhere, anytime!! All you have to do is place the pStyle between your legs and go! Imagine the possibilities!!

Some things you need to know before using the pStyle. The wide end goes in the back. That way you can use it to "wipe" by gently dragging the plastic device along your hoo-ha to catch the lingering drips. Something to note....the pStyle people would like to remind you that while urine IS sterile it is probably a good idea to cleanse it before sharing with your friends.

Sharing with your friends? A possibility I never even THOUGHT of. Melissa, remember in that bar in Philly when there were SO many people in our way to the potty that we had to hold hands so as not to lose each other? Had we had the pStyle with us, we could have taken turns using in and just peed in a corner somewhere....no one would have noticed.

The pStyle is WAY portable. In fact here are some suggestions as to how you can carry it.

-in your pocket. Because no one would EVER notice a large green contraption that resembles a very big won ton soup spoon sticking out of your pocket.

-In your glove box. So the next time you get pulled over you can WOW the cop with your pStyle when handing over your registration.

-In your fanny pack......if you are THAT cool.

-In your purse....next to your pretty reusable menstrual pads.

-In your sock. THAT sounds comfortable.

Some places that I personally would use a pStyle.....

-In the car whilst driving (had to throw use of the word "whilst" in there for my girl Amy.) The thought of driving and just whipping out my pStyle to pee instead of pulling over makes me almost need one RIGHT NOW.

-At work. I am SO dedicated that instead of taking a potty break, I just just pee at my desk.

-At home in bed. All you need is a cup or bucket and you are good to go. How much nicer would it be just to roll over and grab your pStyle AND a cup and pee over the side of the bed instead of getting OUT of said bed to go to the bathroom.

-At the park. I can think of no better way to bond with my son than to pee on a tree together. Don't get me started with Mallory....I don't think she is ready for the pStyle....she is just now accepting that the potty will not swallow her....

-Any public facility....why squat over those yucky mall bathrooms when you can use your pStyle and pee standing UP.

-In the snow. So I can write my name.

One final bit of advice. Don't get too confident in using your pStyle. Yes, I know that it seems super easy but one wrong placement of the pStyle and you will piss on yourself. Thus defeating the purpose of "convenience"

Wordless Wednesday