Monday, August 31, 2009


I have this strange little growth attached to my rear end. Gross right? Wait, I have a picture of it....can you diagnose me?

I know she is cute, I know she is my baby and I should treasure these moments....but for the love of all that is holy....she is seriously stuck up my ass. I do realize I am a very cool person but seriously....I have things to do

Let me get a little specific here. I know kids go through stages where they are attached to one parent or the other but Mallory takes this obsession with me to a whole new level. If I am home. I will be seated on the couch. And she will be seated in my lap. No questions. If for some reason I feel like, ohhhh cleaning the kitchen, or going to the bathroom there will be repercussions. I am not exaggerating. Yesterday she yelled at me for a good 20 minutes while I cleaned the kitchen after lunch to "COME SIT DOWN MOMMY" The longer it took the more pissed off she got. At one point she told me I was not her "bestest friend anymore"

When I DO finally sit down she backs her little butt up to me so I can pick her up and put her in my lap. That is not where it ends. She needs my arm around her so she can settle back into me. It's like I'm her freaking arm chair.

I love to snuggle with my kids, but I get driven to vodka when they want to HANG ON ME non stop. It is no wonder when I go to bed it is understood that I have MY side of the bed and Joe has HIS side of the bed...I need those 4 hours of sleep (before she joins us) where no one is touching me.

The mommy obsession follows us out of the house as well. We went through a phase where I was the only one who could buckle her in and get her out of her car seat. Thankfully that one was short lived but this weekend she started insisting on getting out of Pierce's side of the van so I could be there when she hopped out.

I have visions of me in bed with her when she is married. Scary visions

Thankfully she is not one to throw a screaming fit if I leave the house...she is only like this when I am with her. Sigh. It is hard being the coolest person I know

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Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Kids Said WHAT?? Edition: 5

Believe it or not I got NOTHING this week. Probably because I was gone a few days, possibly I did have some but then lost them in the loss of those brain cells over the weekend. Either way, it is all up to you this week. No pressure.

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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

1st Annual Run for Row 5K Memorial Run

I made it back from Buffalo in one piece. Barely. I cannot even tell you what an honor it was to share this weekend with Andrea and her beautiful family. Her strength is amazing, she is beautiful, her babies are beautiful. It was awesome to see over 300 people come together in memory of her husband Matt.

This weekend was SUPPOSED to be low key....our lovely hostess had other plans and surprised us with a buffet and OPEN BAR at a restaurant the night we all got in. Things went a little downhill that night but it was sooooooo worth it. Sunday morning however was a little rough. We all made it to the run (barely) and the girls who ran it did AWESOME!!!! I was SO SO proud of them. I never intended to run it but once I saw people finishing 20 minutes in me and a few others thought we would be better suited to cheer our friends in and take pictures as they crossed the finish line. In other words, we bailed. But, we were there to support Andrea and the awesome charity for her kids and that was the important part for me.

Andrea, I love you to pieces....I love your kids to pieces. GOOD LUCK with the move this week. Can't wait till we can all come and ascend on you in LA

Sat night, before things got fuzzy.

Toasting to Matt...can you look close and guess which hand is mine?

Matt's family all wore shirts with his picture on the back, such a handsome man.....

All of us together post race. Not to bad since most of us were hungover. Andrea is in the very front in black.

Before we left yesterday AM. My car is a bit notorious because I have a personalized plate, a Mickey Mouse hitch cover and family stickers with Mickey Mouse hats. It's how I roll and they are all just jealous.

I'm going to let you use your imagination on the details of the weekend. It was not AS bad as the trip in Feb (though I did not puke on THAT trip...but I also was not drinking wine out of a carafe on that trip either) We had so much fun and even though I miss my friends, my liver is so glad we can only do this a few times a year.

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Friday, August 21, 2009


Tonight I am heading to Cleveland with my good friend Kelly to pick up 2 more of my friends so that tomorrow morning we can head to Buffalo. I am so very happy to be seeing some of my bestest friends this weekend but so very sad for the reason that we are getting together.

Last fall my sweet friend Andrea lost her husband in an accident that sadly could have been prevented by his company. Now Andrea is raising her young kids without the love of her life. Believe it or not I have yet to meet Andrea even though I have known her for at least 5 years through my mommy board. Even though I have never met her, I love her dearly, and I have cried many tears for her, Matt and their babies.

This weekend about 20 girls from our mommy board are coming together to support Andrea in the first annual Run For Row 5k. In which I will be walking, not running thankyouverymuch. I have no doubt that we will laugh ourselves stupid and have fun being together again but on the flip side I also know there will probably be some tears as we support our friend who in the past 9 months has had more on her plate then anyone should. While we love being together....especially since it only happens a few times a year, I wish it was not because Matt died.

Andrea, I know you probably wont read this for awhile (although reading my blog should take priority over, ohhh, MOVING right?) but I am so happy to be able to come and support you this weekend. I just wish we were meeting under different circumstances. Hopefully the train wreck that is this group of girls will make you laugh as much as we can this weekend!

In case you missed my last weekend trip with my mommy board can read about it HERE. I think it is a good thing that God did not allow us all to live in the same place.

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Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The Kids Said WHAT?? Edition: 4

I thought I was not going to have anything good this week but in the last few days they each gave me a few good ones....I even have a middle of the night comment!

Little Miss I would love to get her to stay in her bed all night. How I wish I was not so lazy that I would actually just break the habit instead of letting her in our bed. But hey, I get up early....I can't spend half the night dealing with her screaming. So....probably around 3AM a few nights ago Scarlet (the dog that bites) decided she was cold and wanted to come up and get comfy between Mallory and I. Mallory wakes up and freaks out that Scarlet is there. See, Scarlet does not like to be disturbed when she is sleeping (who does?) and has been known to take a snap at you if you move your feet and touch her. Mallory tells me "You need to MOVE her mommy" and I said, she is fine, just leave her alone. "NO, you need to MOVE her. She is going to bite my toe toes off!!!"

Maybe not off.....

Mallory apparently has a new little boyfriend at daycare. When Joe went to pick her up yesterday she said she needed to go give him a hug before she could leave. As Joe watches, she runs over and hugs him and according to Joe it looked like she kissed him. Of course this gets a reaction out of daddy who tells her "Mallory, you are TOO young to be kissing boys" and she looks at him and says "I did not kiss him daddy, I wiped my snot on him" Wow, she is going to make someone a lucky guy someday.

My big kindergartner Pierce.....he is making so many new friends. Apparently a lot of them are girls because he says to me...."Mommy, I don't know why but ALL the girls like me" I know is those darn dimples that are going to get him in trouble!!

Pierce also gave me a rated R one this week without even knowing it. I got a tripod a few days ago and I had set it up in the kitchen to put my camera on it and check it out. Pierce decides that he wants to MAKE a little tripod and put a camera on it. Good imagination bud!! So he grabs a few different things out of the toy room and stacks them up and then a few blocks for the camera, and a little cd thingy that goes with some cd player and put it on top...not sure what part of the camera that is supposed to be but before I could ask him he says...."Look mommy, I even put my dick on it" I almost swallowed my tongue coughing. "I'm sorry WHAT?" "See", he says....and points to the CD. "Ohh, your DISC!!!" "Yes mommy...that's what I said" There is NO possible way that he knows what he said but MAN did it give me a good giggle when he walked away.


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Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Where Is My Alice?

And no, I'm not talking about Alice from Twilight....although having an omniscient sister could be kind of handy too. I want THIS kind of Alice

My friend Lauren sent a list to me yesterday that made me laugh at it's absurdity. It was a list for getting organized and keeping your house clean. It included little chores that if completed every day will keep your house in tip top shape. Those chores include:

Make beds (riiiiiight)
Feed pets (if they are lucky)
Load/Run/Empty dishwasher (I do insist on this)
Sweep kitchen & entryway (umm, every day?)
Clean kitchen sink (does that not happen when you load the dishwasher?)
Clear/Wipe kitchen counters (yes)
Plan / Cook dinner (if by plan you mean order then yes)
Wipe out bathroom sinks (does not happen)
Empty trash (Joe's job)
Do laundry (every day? really?)
Read to children (probably the most important thing ON this list)
Exercise (I climb the steps a few times each day)
Quiet time (really)
Take vitamins/medication (my husband thanks me to do this every day)
Prepare tomorrow's clothing (pull out what is clean and does not need ironed)

Um wow. I barely have time to wipe my ass every day let along make all the beds in my house. Then it tacks on things that you can do each day of the week.

___ Change dishcloth/towel
___ Change hand towels in bathrooms
___ Cut/sort/file coupons
___ Plan menus
___ Make shopping/errand list
___ Pamper yourself
___ Inventory refrigerator contents and plan meals around leftovers
___ Vacuum main/public rooms or 1st floor
___ De-clutter/organize desk
___ Dust office
___ Clean toilets
___ Replenish stock of toilet paper in bathrooms
___ Change dishcloth/towel
___ Change hand towels in bathrooms
___ Clean bathtubs and shower
___ Clean bathroom mirrors
___ Clean out purse/wallet
___ De-clutter/organize master bedroom closet
___ Vacuum bedrooms or 2nd floor
___ Go through coupons, dispose of expired ones
___ Clean top shelf of refrigerator
___ Clean knickknacks and shelves
___ Clip children’s nails
___ Clean/wash hairbrushes & combs
___ Clean outdoor trash can
___ Dust master bedroom
___ Change dishcloth/towel
___ Clean microwave - inside and out
___ Mop kitchen
___ Clean telephones
___ Change hand towels in bathrooms
___ De-clutter/organize top of dresser(s) - master bedroom
___ Clean dishwasher door
___ Dust dining/breakfast room(s)
___ Change a/c or furnace filter
___ Sweep porch
___ Change sheets - master bedroom
___ Do a quick tidy/put away in each room of the house
___ Spend time on a craft/hobby
___ Change dishcloth/towel
___ Change hand towels in bathrooms
___ Water indoor plants
___ Change dishcloth/towel
___ Change hand towels in bathrooms
___ Cut/sort/file coupons
___ Plan menus
___ Make shopping/errand list
___ Pamper yourself

I want to know what sort of robo mom came up with this list? I need an Alice really badly. That brought me to wondering what the heck Carol Brady did all day? She does not DESERVE an Alice. She just sat on her butt all day reading the paper and drinking coffee while someone ELSE packed her kids' lunches and made her dinner. A housekeeper would be awesome but a live in one???? Bonus!!! By the time I get my kids fed, bathed and in bed I just want to sit down and chill not worry about changing the hand towels in the bathroom. Most stay at home mom's I know don't even have the time to do this sort of stuff.

Sigh, I suppose I will have to continue to live in a home where the beds don't get made and trying to remember the last time the "master bedroom" was dusted makes me giggle

Here is my list of stuff do do every day

feed, bathe and love on my kids till bedtime
drink wine
put out if I'm in a good mood
go to bed

lather, rinse, repeat

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Monday, August 17, 2009

Why I am Mother of the Year

I generally don't brag about all the cool things that make me the best mom ever. Things like the fact that I have dropped a dirty word in front of my kids on occasion, or that I have left my house only to be told by a kid that I forgot to buckle them in. I don't tell you all how my kids sometimes eat McDonalds and when they wake up at 6AM on the weekends I will bribe them with a movie in my bed so I can score another hour or so of sleep. I don't want you all to know my awesome parenting secrets and try and overtake me as mother of the year. It is hard work being that awesome of a mother.

This weekend however, I went above and beyond the call of mommy duty. This weekend I purposely took a sick child into public location that caters to children. Let the judging begin.

I generally do not advertise to Pierce and Mallory when we have something cool going on. When I do, something usually happens that prevents us from doing said cool activity and then I pay for it for the rest of the day. I apparently lost my mind for a minute on Friday when I told Pierce and Mallory that we would be going to COSI on Saturday. COSI is a super cool kid-ish museum that adults actually do not hate because the stuff there is also cool enough for us to enjoy. We go to COSI quite a bit but this was a special visit because Wyatt from the show Super Why was going to be there! Pierce and Mallory LOVE Super Why and I also kind of like them because they teach reading skills and they don't make me want to pour bleach in my eyes like THIS show, THIS show and THIS show.

Friday Pierce had mentioned to me off hand that his throat was sore. He did not have a fever and was acting fine so I did not think much of it. Sat am rolls around, the kids are way excited to be seeing Super Why and Pierce tells me again that his throat hurts. Better safe then sorry right? Off to the Dr we go and as we are waiting on his throat culture to come back Pierce is telling the Dr all about our planned visit to COSI. When she comes back with our diagnosis of strep and tells Pierce he needs to stay home today his little face just fell and broke my mommy heart into pieces.

WWMOTYD (What Would Mother Of The Year Do?) She waits until we get to the car and tells Pierce we are going anyways but that he can't touch anything and we would only be staying for a little bit. I doused him in anti bacterial gel and took my kids to see Super Why.

You may now proceed to poke me with your pointy mommy spears

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Thursday, August 13, 2009

The Kids Said WHAT?? Edition: 3

Here we are almost at the end of another week. Time once again to unleash the wisdom of the kids in our lives. Don't does not have to be YOUR kids. I am looking RIGHT at you Kristina! You are a social worker....don't tell me you don't hear some crazy stuff on a daily basis

My edition is heavy on the Pierce side with him starting school this week. Let's start with day 1

Mommy to Pierce after getting him all dressed for his first day of school "Buddy, go look in the mirror and see how handsome you are in your uniform". Pierce to Mommy "I don't have to, I already KNOW how handsome I am". Well is nice to know he does not have issues in the image department.

Later that day after school he informs me....."Kindergartners say MOM not from now on you will be Mom" Thank GOD that did not stick. I'm so not ready to be just "MOM" yet.

Joe had a conversation with Pierce this week that went something like this...
"Daddy, I know how to speak cowboy"
"You do??"
"Yep, I do. You know the number 9?"
"um, yes, I know the number nine"
"Well in cowboy you say it naaahhhhnn(insert heavy John Wayne accent here"

Only one goodie from Ms Mallory this week. We apparently did not pay her much attention this week with her brother starting kindergarten. The back story is that I told her that she had a froggy in her throat a few weeks ago because she was a little raspy. She literally thought that there was a frog in her throat. Later that week she told me that she had swallowed it and it was now in her belly. Which explains why she told me earlier this week after finishing her poptart...."I gave it to the froggy. He was hungry"

Link up peeps!!!!

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Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Dirty Jobs

Sometimes while flipping through channels Joe will stop of Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe. If you don't know what this show is this guy goes out and finds the nastiest jobs that are out there and then jumps in and does said job. Some I remember from the past are maggot farmer and roadkill cleaner. My favorite USED to be the episode where he made wine until this little gem came on last night. As you can imagine I approve of any job that involves processing dead geese.

So, Kindergarten.......we love it! He is having so much fun and making some new little friends. He has mentioned a little girl named Melia a few times....I think he may have a little crush on her. I met her today and expected her to be blond hair blue eyed like his other 2 past "loves" but she is a brunette. There is a ladder with different color rungs on it and all the kids start on green and can move up to blue or purple (YEAH!!) or down to red, yellow and I think black (boooo) 2 kids already had notes sent home on the 2nd day of school. Pierce made it to blue yesterday and said he was going to go to purple (the top). We shall see.

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Monday, August 10, 2009


Well, we made it. By "we" I mean Joe and I. Pierce of course was fine. This morning was fairly uneventful. Pierce was not at all nervous or scared about starting a new school. He pretty much was just all ready to go. We packed his little back back with his school supplies, dressed him in his super cute uniform and out the door we went.

The school that he is going to is a charter school which means it is a public school but you have to apply to get in. He will be in kindergarten full days which is awesome. The school also has 20 extra days in the school year which I don't LOVE but if that is the only thing I have to complain about I'm good. It is a brand new can practically still smell the paint

A funny observation.....we were in the gym where they serve breakfast and right next to the window where the kids can pick up food there was a sign that read..."Gabrielle is allergic to peanuts, Alexandra is allergic to milk and cats" Ummmmm. Cats?

His little room was all ready for kids to wreak havoc on. Mrs M asked Pierce to try and find his name at his little table which he did. He knows that he will make all sorts of new friends today. He has also already given me a few gems for this week's "The Kids Said WHAT?"

All ready to go! And yes that is an Ohio State football helmet mailbox

At his table!

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Thursday, August 6, 2009

The Kids Said WHAT?? Edition:2

It is time for the 2nd edition of "The Kids Said WHAT??" Have you been keeping track of the cuteness this past week?

After kindergarten orientation on Tuesday he asked me if he had to go back to Pre-K at daycare. When I told him yes he responded with "I HATE it there, I don't want to go back" This shocked me because he loves his school, when I asked him why he said "Because I don't WANT to take a nap" Fast forward to today. It is his last day in Pre-K and I am picking him up at lunch so that he can go home with my mom and go to the place we are camping this weekend a day early. When we walk into daycare this morning he announces to all who have ears....."I don't have to take a nap today"

Last weekend while at a party for my friend Kelly a gaggle of geese flew over our heads (I totally looked that word up and find it amusing that GAG is in gaggle).When Pierce noticed the messengers of Satan overhead he turns to me and says "Hey Mommy....look....GEESE" Yes, even my son knows.

My sweet girl is not overly impressed by anyone whom she does not call Mommy. Some days this is cute, some days I would like to take a crap without her in my lap. I have 3 nephews and along with Pierce those 4 boys think that my mom is the most fascinating and wonderful person EVER. Mallory likes her....but when she leaves my house she is not in tears that maw maw is leaving. It drives my mother INSANE that her only grand daughter does not live and breath for her like the boys do. She spent the night at my house this week and was trying to get Mallory to hug and kiss her good night and Her Majesty was all "ummm, no" My mom proceeds to tell her that as the only grand daughter she is barking up the wrong tree because my mom has DIAMONDS. The next morning as my mom is leaving she tries to entice a hug and kiss out of her and Mallory looked at her and said "I want diamonds"

That's my girl

Link up my friends!!

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Wednesday, August 5, 2009

I cannot possibly be the mother of a kindergartner

Whew. Thank God I'm not. At least not for 5 more days...yeah, he starts early. I cannot possibly be a mother to a kindergartner because I just had him a few months ago didn't I? I know I did not just buy school supplies and attend kindergarten orientation because he just started walking last week.

I can already tell that this transition from day care to real school is going to make me cry. Joe and I took Pierce to see his school and meet his teacher last night. When I walked into his class and saw his little cubby with his name on it and all of the little class decorations with all of the kids names' I wanted to just go rock in the corner. How on earth does time go by so fast?? I can't be a mom of a kid in SCHOOL because I feel like a kid myself still sometimes. I swear I looked at the other moms and dads and felt like I looked so much younger than them and I know I'm not. How is it that he shows no fear in walking into that class and right up to the other kids and starts to play...I know that is good but he just seems so darn independent. Filling out all those PTO forms and information about him just seemed so surreal.

Pierce has been in day care since he was 8 weeks old. I have never been a stay at home mom so it is not like he is just going into a school scenario for the first time but this seems so different. He is so excited. Joe and I are excited about the raise it seems like we are getting in now only having one kid in full time day care.

I know I will have one meeeelion pics to post of his first day of school. Today though I am going to take a little trip down memory lane.....

Add Image

Excuse me while I go stab myself

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Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I hate Geese- Chapter 71

The little bastards continue to terrorize the world. One sweet bystander at a time. Their newest victim.....Sally who is one of my favorite blogging buddies. I curse them for you Sally.....and welcome you with open arms into the "I Hate Geese" club. Please feel free to take my little sign over to the right. I hope you recover from your assault soon, find a support group and get some xanax.

In keeping with the theme.....last night was week 1 of a photography class. It was awesome. I learned some new stuff about my camera settings but since it was just week 1 he spent a lot of time showing slides of pictures that he had taken to talk about different things. No less than 5 of them were pictures of geese. I am really excited about the next 5 weeks of this class but I swear if he shows geese pictures every week I just might snap

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Monday, August 3, 2009

Napping 101

I slept like it was my job this weekend. It was awesome. Napping ranks up there with reading and scrapbooking as one of my favorite things to do. When I nap, I mean it. None of this half asleep on the couch with the TV on crap that Joe likes to call a nap.

some most weekends I nap with Mallory. After lunch we go up into my bed (awesome habit I know)to start the process that is the nap. Jammies must be worn, a true nap cannot be had in clothes. I turn the fan on (love me some white noise) pull the blinds closed, pick the poodle up (she also is a fan of the nap) and snuggle in with Mallory.

This mother/daughter/poodle bonding usually lasts 1.5-2 hours but this weekend naps lasted 3 hours on both days. I suppose I should be ashamed of myself but I dont. I have insomnia issues at night. I don't know why but it takes me at least an hour to fall asleep every night. Meanwhile next to me is Joe snoring his face off and making me contemplate smothering him with a pillow. Add that to the fact that I never sleep through the night EVER and you get why my blog is titled so.

Other than napping I did have a few fun moments this weekend. My BFF from high school had her TWINS on Saturday. That is better than ME having twins because I get to love them and send them home. Also I got to spend some time with Kelly and Nicole (and where were YOU)

Are you saving up your kids' goodies for this weeks "The Kids Said WHAT?" I already have a tasty nugget from Pierce....that involves GEESE.

Happy Monday!

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